Divorce and the Workplace: The Job after a Divorce

While divorce is a private decision, there are times when it can become a very public issue. Although life in the workplace can be a valuable respite from the changes in your life, the best way to create a safe and comfortable working environment is to set reasonable limits for those around you. These tips will help you establish boundaries to maintain your sense of security and privacy, while letting co-workers know their support and concern are appreciated.

Each person deals with a divorce in different ways. Some may be inclined to talk about the split to close workmates – especially those who have gone through a separation themselves. Others may choose to reveal nothing of their personal life, or to announce the separation by small gestures such as removal of the wedding ring or the change of last name. The most important thing is to know, whatever level of information you choose to share is perfectly acceptable. While the best working environments create as sense of security and camaraderie, this does not mean that everyone is entitled to know or discuss your personal affairs. The amount of information you share is at all times your decision, and it is okay to (gently) assert your right to that privacy. Simply thank them for their concern, but inform them you prefer to leave your private concerns at home so you can focus on work.  Most people will understand and support your decision to leave your home life “at the door.”

One person you should consider including in your inner circle is your immediate supervisor. While you need not divulge every detail, letting your boss know that you are going through a life-changing event can provide you some peace of mind. Like your other colleagues, most supervisors will respond to this news with sensitivity and compassion, and it will help them understand your need for personal consideration or even time off to attend to legal matters such as custody hearings or other court proceedings. Again, allow them to inquire after your general wellbeing, and assure them that you intend to maintain the same level of commitment to the office as before. You will find that your officemates want to rally around you. Their support can be a great benefit to you when work or home pressures seem overwhelming.

Setting limits on your work environment does not end at co-workers. You are also entitled to set limits on contact with your spouse and even your attorney during working hours. Conversations about proceedings can be intrusive or upsetting, and may negatively affect your ability to focus on tasks. Your attorney will often establish guidelines for contact when you engage his or her services. If you prefer not to engage in business during working hours, you should feel comfortable letting your attorney know that you prefer to handle phone calls or e-mails before work, on lunch, or after office hours. This same guideline applies to your spouse. Firmly establish limits on contact early on, and resolve to maintain those limits even if your spouse tests the boundaries you establish. You have no obligation to discuss personal affairs during work hours, and in fact these intrusions may reflect poorly on you, or cause your work to suffer. While your spouse will hopefully respect the boundaries you establish, you may find that anger or confusion causes them to defy your requests. If contact during work hours becomes a problem, you may find it helpful to turn off your cell-phone, refrain from checking personal e-mail during work hours, or in some cases inform your receptionist or administrative assistant that you will not accept certain calls at the office. Establishing these parameters can offer you peace of mind while you are at the office, and will help you be successful in your career even through difficult times.

Besides setting limits, there are other ways in which the workplace can offer you a safe harbor. Many people are unaware of network of support services provided as a part of their organization’s health and wellness programs. Besides health and dental insurance, many organizations now offer Employee Assistance Programs (EAP) to help their workers maintain a healthy work-life balance. EAP offerings may include access crisis counseling services, access to psychologists and therapists both by phone and in person, and access to an attorney for advice about divorce and what you can expect over the next days and months. Typically, these services can be engaged through a third-party confidential provider with a 1-800 access line, eliminating the need to include your human resources rep in the particulars of your divorce. You can inquire about the services and receive contact information through your supervisor, or your health insurance provider.
Employing these resources and strategies can help you successfully navigate the workplace, and provide you with much-needed security and balance as you go through the transition from married life to single.