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How To Make Single Parenting Work

If you’ve recently ended your marriage — or are about to the way so many that come to our online divorce review site are — then you know that coming fresh off a divorce can be painful. However, you may not have time to throw yourself a major pity party. The duties of parenting will not relent, even as you’re going through an emotional roller-coaster. Still, that doesn’t mean the job is beyond you. If anything, it’s likely you’ll emerge a stronger parent and a stronger person. Here’s how you can get from where you are now to the place where you want to be.

One: Set priorities. 

Too often, single parents want to be their child’s everything. They want to shoulder the pain that the child might be feeling and carry them through the storm like a protective bear would her cub. Unfortunately, you now have to do the job of two people because there are no guarantees that your ex will live up to his end of the parenting responsibilities. You can’t afford to count on someone else to get the job done, so you have to do everything. Except you can’t. No one can. Your children will feel the fallout of your divorce whether you try to shield them or not. It’s normal. That means you can only be the best You. To get that done, you have to decide what’s really important to your child’s well-being. No one will think you’re crazy if you sit down with a pen and paper and write out everything you want to provide for your child and/or help them accomplish. From there, assign importance to each task and focus on the most important things first. It never hurts to get organized and set those priorities when you’re a parent.

Two: Remember that your child is not your ex.

Sometimes single parents can frustrate themselves by equating their child’s negative qualities with those of their ex. It’s important not to do that, and especially not to let it outwardly show. First of all, you want to focus on the child’s positive qualities and cultivate those as the parent. Secondly, you don’t want to devalue the role of the other parent to your child even though it may be tempting to do so. That’s because your child still loves the other parent and the older they get, the more they understand they’re a little like each of you. In other words, a knock against your ex could be taken personally by your child and affect their self-esteem.

Three: Your attitude is everything to your kids.

No breakup is fun, and you don’t have to act like it is. But you do need to decide what kind of attitude you will have. Putting out a positive attitude even through hard times like divorce will serve as a lesson for how to handle adversity. If your kids see that you’re going to be all right, then they will be, too.

If you’re not yet to the point of divorce and aren’t sure which path to take, give our online divorce reviews a read-through, and best of luck as you navigate this next chapter.

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The Dilemma of Divorce and Only Children

 

The prototypical nuclear family used to consist of 2 kids and 2 decimal points of a third child…

Post World War 2 and during the baby boom era, large families were encouraged and an accepted part of the American society. Our culture, from TV shows to advertising was built around the dynamic of the family. As the 1960’s and 70’s came and went, we saw this dynamic drastically change.

Women’s equality had a trickle-down effect that changed more than just work and marriage. The residual effect of a more progressive society has had a direct correlation on how we think of defining a modern family. Within the past 35 years, as of 2004, the amount of only-child families has almost doubled. The U.S. Census Bureau has not kept detailed information about the nature of how or why the number of only-child families has increased, whether by choice or circumstance. There are currently 20 million single-child families in the U.S. The percentage of American women having only one child has more than doubled in 20 years, to almost one quarter. The single-child family is the fastest-growing family in the U.S. As the divorce rates have risen as well in the single child family. what effects does this have on the child? And what can you do to help?

Easing the emotional stress

Any only child will feel grief stricken during the breakup of the family triangle. Along with this emotional schism will be the adaptation to a totally different routine. Only children have no peer or close sibling to lean on. As parents in this situation, there is no clear cut way to best handle the divorce process with only children.  There are ways to help emotionally ease only children that are entering into the sometimes harsh reality of a now fractured close knit family.

Prepare the child

It is often advised that parents break the news to children together rather than one parent doing it separately. This is especially true in the case of only children.  Explaining together that this decision was mutual and a tough one to make will help the child understand that even though separating, the family is all going through this together. Keeping the family in the same room talking about a major decision like this will emphasize that even though there will be a change in living situation, both parents are still equally and fully apart of the child’s life.

Building the predictable routine

Understandably an only child’s routine will go through a period of change and adjustment. The age of the child will dictate the varying degree of emotional adjustments and problems the child may go through. Attempting to add any instances of routine and predictability to these new situations will help ease the child into a new life style, while still keeping the same values as if the parents still lived under one house. Also maintaining certain habits in the only child’s routine will help with a sense of comfort-ability and familiarity.

Be prepared for questions

The individual age and maturity of an only child will dictate the level of questions, but make no mistake children; especially only children will have questions. Taking the time to fully explain and answer your child’s questions can help assuage the fears of the unknown that may be swirling around in the child’s head. There can also be the mistake of only child parents leaning on their children in times like these. Parents can sometimes treat the only children as more of an equal then they should transferring some of their own fears to a child who may not be mature enough to emotional handle a certain level of stress

Families with an only child can often be seem close knit, even if the parents in essence do not have a happy marriage. The potential effects of a divorce on an only child can be more detrimental in only children. The impact of divorces can be seen resonating throughout many different facets of an only child’s life and for years down the road. Being prepared as a parent with an only child can help soften the blow, remember these children do not have an equal counterpart in the family to lean on in situations where they might feel they cannot go to their parents. Older brothers and sisters sometimes substitute as pseudo parents especially for budding adolescents, but only children have only outward experiences and contacts to learn and lean on. Protecting the blow that divorce can cause will help only children remember that even though apart, their parents will always be there for them.

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Divorce and Children: Everything You Know is Wrong

The effects of divorce on children have been studied for decades. While sociologists and psychologists have produced many findings on the short and long term effects that divorce may have children, many myths and questions still surround these scenarios. Every family is different, with a different dynamic and set of personality traits for each individual situation offers such a vast variety of circumstances.

When it comes to divorce and children no one has a clear cut answer about the absolute affects. The evidence of effects on kids from divorced families is considered a universal fact at this point, but the grey areas of individual effects from certain situations still provides much debate. Some clear myths still persist in defining divorce effects on kids. Let’s take a look at two of the most common.

If parents are happy their children will be happy also

The interesting dichotomy of divorce is the difference in potential happiness between the adults and children. For some parents who have tried to stick it out through hardships for their kids may realize that it is in the best interests for all involved, in the long run, to get divorced. It may be a relief for these parents. Besides a broken emotional marriage in many instances we see mother’s who have raised children and stayed home may go back to school. Some even had professions before kids may want to jump back into the fold. Fathers although traditional family dynamics say this is less likely, the same idea applies. Whatever the logistical or emotional reasons for a divorce it can truthfully be best for both adults involved. However no matter the positives that can come out of a divorce for both adults involved in the decidedly broken relationship the same cannot always be applied to the children in divorced families.

Children, especially younger children will have a tough time adjusting to a divorce, whether they exhibit outwards signs or not. Its unavoidable, the natural fracture of a home life for any child can be a defining part of what their views grow to be about human relationships and interaction. In young kids there are often 2 different reactions. They either become more aggressive to their surrounds or retreat inward. The myth that if parents are happy then so are kids can common be labeled in any situation as a way for the adults to convince themselves that they are doing the right thing.  No matter if this really is true in the long run, the effects a divorce can have on children, especially younger more impressionable ones can be sometimes unpredictable and leave a lasting imprint on the shaping of their personality through adolescence.

The Less animosity and bitterness, the less trauma

No matter how one defines a divorce in terms of “amicable” or not it is still a split. For children it is a schism and change of patterns and routines that will affect every aspect of their life going forward. Obviously minors it will affect more as they will have to adapt to different situations and the younger a child is when divorces happen the more impressionable both socially and psychologically it will be. In any situation with a divorce the more outward fighting and animosity between parents in front of kids, the deeper impact it will have on them. But it is also a false statement to conclude that even though the external animosity was kept at a minimal so also was the negative impact on children.

Believing this idea not only creates a pattern of ignorant behavior in parents, but can do continuous damage in children. Studies have shown that the affects of divorce can surface even 20 years after it has happened. There will always be a slice of animosity between divorced parents, it’s the very nature of almost all divorces, the very fact that they can’t get along. What the parents do have is the chance to both positively influence the child in the time following a divorce, and not in competition with each other.

Judith Wallerstein, who undertook an encompassing look at the affects of divorce began a study in 1970 and published a study in 2000 looking at the affects of divorce in children and what we know has stated that kids aren’t “resilient” and that the effects of divorce can have continuous residual effects in children throughout most of their adult life time. So in truth, unless there is an abundant of physical abuse and violence in a family environment, the effects and impact of a divorce can be long lasting and remain undetected at first.

With so many different studies about divorce floating around it can be confusing to know what to believe. The same can be said about the imminent legal process involving divorce. Laws are specific for each state. Rules and regulations can change on a case by case basis, and knowing what your situation can entail will help relieve some stress in already stressful process. At MyDivorceDocuments we can provide you with the helpful information to know the specifics of your situation and immediately get you started on filing for your divorce. Visit www.mydivorcedocuments.com today and get the helpful information you need.

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Divorce Law Explained: the Uniform Interstate Family Support Act

 

Many spouses seeking a divorce have a multitude of questions concerning paperwork, lawyers, fees and a laundry list of other things. When children are involved in the mix, the amount of questions and concerns between spouses increases tenfold. Each state has standard guidelines, rules and stipulations concerning custody and child support. However, when it comes to the matter of children and child support when parents are in different states, the rules change a little. There are a number of different laws and addendum’s that have been put in place to ensure that the rights of the children in these cases are not overlooked.

Uniform Interstate Family Support Act
The UIFSA was put into place to limit the jurisdiction that can properly establish and modify child support orders and address the enforcement of child support obligations within the United States.The act provides a new framework for states to use in collecting child support where the child and the parent reside in different states. It made it easier for state courts to exercise jurisdiction in establishing and collecting child support.

Under the legal definition of the act, support is broad enough to include child support, spousal support, health care, and related costs and attorney fees. More significant, the Act refers to a “tribunal” rather than a court, because its provisions apply to any administrative agency that has the power to establish and enforce child support orders. Many states have child support enforcement agencies with these powers. Each state’s’ Family Law Court will decide who is to rule on matters such as these.

Statewide Implementation
In cases where more than one state is involved in the establishing, enforcing or modifying a child or spousal support order, the Act is implemented to determine the jurisdiction and power of the courts in the each of the states. The Act also establishes which state’s law will be applied in proceedings under the Act. The Act establishes rules requiring every state to defer to child support orders entered by the state courts of the child’s home state.

The Act also provides various direct interstate enforcement mechanisms. This means that, it allows a caretaker parent to have an order mailed to the employer of the obligated parent, which will require that employer to withhold pay for the benefit of the child. Furthermore, it allows the caretaker parent to have an order mailed to an out-of-state court to get the other state to enforce the order. This is only done in severe cases or cases where a parent has failed to pay support for a lengthy period of time.

Child custody and child support laws are some of the strictest and highly enforced. When divorce proceedings take place, these are usually the issues that are highly debated amongst parents. The separation of spouses can sometimes come with an out of state move, for whatever reason. This Act ensures that any child in this circumstance, is protected. The best interest of the child is the priority of the court, no matter which state.

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Grandparents: Keep Out!

Divorces often creates a divide when it comes to families and extended families alike. Due to the fact that not all divorces can be amicable and have families fully agree with the situation, and go on living as they did before, divorces can be damaging both mentally and physically sometimes.

Division of families brings the choice of how to go on after the divorce. This is true for everyone directly and indirectly involved. One big decision can change the way in which an entire family lives their lives. Assets are divided, property is distributed, but so too are family members. So many questions are asked, “Do I live with mom or dad?”, “Where do we go for Thanksgiving?” and many more.

One landmark case also changed the face of visitation for extended family forever on June 5th, 2000.

In the case concerning Troxel vs. Granville, the Supreme Court invalidated a Washington State law that allowed third parties to petition for child visitation rights over parental objections. Simply stating that the parents of the children in question were the only ones to decide who could and couldn’t have visitation rights to their children. The Supreme Court said that “the interest of parents in the care, custody, and control of their children is perhaps the oldest of the fundamental liberty interests recognized by this Court,” noting that such petitions are an unconstitutional intrusion into a parent’s right to raise a child as they see fit.

The ruling effectively eliminated grandparents’ visitation rights when parents object to the visitation. This also extended to any other third party directly involved, such as stepparents or other closely tied relatives. The Supreme Court struck down the Washington grandparent visitation statute because it unconstitutionally infringed on the fundamental parental right to raise their children as they see fit.

Due to this case, the law now requires courts to give parents’ decisions concerning whether, when, and how grandparents will associate with their children. Even though Troxel vs. Granville does not define “special weight,” previous Supreme Court precedent indicates that “special weight” is a strong term signifying very considerable deference to any particular person being allowed visitation with children in question.

Parents will ultimately always have the right to govern who their children can see whilst under the age of 18, and rightly so. This ruling only further makes this natural governing all the more legal and final in the eyes of the law. Divorces do unfortunately take their toll on families in a multitude of different ways. Extended family are sometimes just as affected as those directly involved. However, keeping the best interest of all children involved at the forefront of all decisions is something that the courts have done even more so with this ruling.

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Strange Divorce Ruling

There have been a number of landmark cases that have set precedents for divorce and divorce laws. However, the majority of those were positive and propelled divorce into the 21st century. This being said, across the world, divorce is still seemingly catching up, and in a few rare cases, falling behind, thanks to the laws that were decreed so long ago before the new age of technology.

One instance of a set back in divorce laws is that of Mr. and Mrs. Prest, a case coming out

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Pregnant Man Files for Arizona Divorce

 

You know times have changed when you see a headline starting with “pregnant man.” But in today’s world, where gender roles are continually being debated over, and the institution of marriage is being redefined state by state and law by law, it is no surprise that new scenarios in divorce will eventually come to the forefront.

The Blurred Lines of Marriage, Gender, and Divorce Laws

Transgendered couples’ laws are still in their infancy when it comes to marriage and divorce. So it’s no wonder that when it comes to a divorce in this type of situation, the lines are still completely blurred. Thomas Beatie, a transgendered man, was born a woman in his native state of Hawaii. He underwent an external sex change to become, for all intents and purposes, a man before he married his partner, Nancy, in 2003.

After learning that Nancy was unable to bear children, and still having female reproductive organs, Thomas bore their 3 children, making headlines when photos of him pregnant with a mustache were leaked online. Legally married in Hawaii, which recognizes same sex marriages, the couples have since moved their family to Arizona.

The Difference a State Makes

After moving to Arizona, to live the couple recently decided to file for divorce. While Hawaii recognizes their marriage as legitimate, they also recognize Beatie as a man. Arizona’s law, however, does not recognize same sex marriage and the courts have questioned the validity of their marriage. While Beatie’s lawyer has admitted that this scenario was new territory for Arizona law, he argues that if one state recognizes the legality of the situation, who is Arizona to refute the validity?

While it would technically be cheaper for Thomas to have the state not recognize his marriage and bypass having to pay any spousal support, he and his lawyer state that the case is not about the divorce laws themselves, but about validation for Thomas concerning his marriage.

This case, as with many others concerning either same-sex couples or transgendered couples, will continue to make headlines as they push the boundaries of the court courts and law structures. The social pressure on law makers to allow for same sex couples to experience the same rights in marriage as well as sharing in the divorce procedure has greatly increased in the last 10 years. Stories like this and others will grow more common as a collective push is made to increase the rights couples and transgendered marriages like Thomas’.

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Pre-Divorce Filing Tips

Divorce is a messy business, but a business nonetheless. Entering into any business, one needs to know just how to survive and to stay afloat; otherwise, being in over your head is going to catch up, and fast.

One of the first things that needs to be done when entering into a divorce, that may be the hardest, is to try to separate the emotional aspects from the business aspects and be sure to get the help you need so you can get the best financial result possible. If a divorce is anything but amicable, the chances of an ex-spouse going for the jugular as far as finances is concerned is quite high. So here is a short list of things that you should do and think about before rushing to file for that divorce.

Finances, Finances, Finances
Understanding your current financial situation, in depth, is a key factor before entering into any divorce proceedings. Asking yourself questions like “What do I own and what do I owe?” are important. Be sure you know whose name certain assets are in, as well as whose name is on the debts. Credit can be ruined overnight if a spouse’s name is on a debt that is owned by the other spouse.

The Big Divide
Look into, properly allocate, and then separate your credit. Try to establish new credit in your name alone while removing your name from joint credit where possible. This will require closing joint credit cards and bank accounts. Start storing your own cash and assets in a new bank account. Setting up after the divorce is final will not be cheap or easy, so save for the immediate future now.

Think Ahead
Go over all wills and deeds; if your beneficiary choices are affected by the divorce, change them. also, consider your insurance needs: first, you’ll want to make certain that you’ll have uninterrupted health insurance. You may also want to consider requiring life insurance to guarantee continued alimony and child support, should your ex-spouse die prematurely. Decide now how college will be funded for any children involved within the dissolution. You can never plan too much. If you’re not the planning type, now marks a great point in your life to start.

The process of divorce is often a highly charged, emotional time. Don’t let the hectic, roller coaster of divorce lead you to make financial mistakes that can affect you for years to come. Plan ahead at all costs. Be rational and calm, especially in a dissolution that is less than amicable. Chances are, your ex-spouse is not thinking of your needs entirely, so look out for number one, and that’s you( and any children you may have).

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How to Save Yourself from an Expensive Divorce

 

When it comes to divorce, we have all heard the horror stories of how it can get messy. Everyone has a friend of a friend who went through a year-long divorce process that ended up costing him or her thousands of dollars just to get out of the marriage. In years past this all was unavoidable. Depending on your situation you would end up paying a lawyer  tons of money, even if the divorce was amicable. Those days are, thankfully, gone.

Today, it’s the couples’ with the power. Understanding the steps in the process and therefore properly evaluating your decisions can be done without the input of a lawyer. Understandably some situations dictate the necessity of a trained legal professional, but the landscape of the divorce world has clearly changed, here are some tips to work towards an inexpensive divorce.

Keep Divorce Lawyers from Fanning the Flames

File this under the easier said than done category, but the divorce process can be a much smoother process once the couple comes together to work on the particulars. Lawyers are not only expensive, they can also bog down the process, scraping for every inch they can exploit in a situation. While it is understood they are working towards what they believe is the best possible outcome for you, they can be detrimental to your progress. In these cases, unfortunately, the battle can go on and on, until the clients run out of money and limp to the settlement table.

Worse, if there are children, the fight depletes not only your pocketbook, but also your children’s sense of security. Once the legal fight is over, trying to establish a normal ongoing parenting relationship between both parents and the children can be very difficult.

Shouldering the Decision Load

Weeding through the decisions that need to be made when seeking a divorce is tedious and most likely painful. But it really is in the divorcing couple’s best interest, whenever possible, to tackle these matters together, rather that bickering and fighting over everything through the jargon and manifesto of divorce lawyers. Working together or with an agreed upon third party (such as a divorce mediator) on crucial decisions can help you and your spouse come to quick , fair decisions on the important matters. Not to mention, this saves both time and money.

If you are able to resolve the big questions surrounding children, money, and property, then you just need to ask the court, in writing, to grant a divorce. In many states, you don’t even have to appear in court. Many courts now make it relatively easy for people to handle an uncontested divorce without a lawyer.

While some situations need a divorce lawyer, in today’s society more the of responsibility has been continually placed on the couple themselves. The rise of online divorces has given many couples the freedom to control their divorce process, making decisions with their spouses and getting through the process with both their savings account and dignity intact. Don’t allow yourself to put yourself in a deep hole when you’re already trying to get out of one. Do the research on your situation and find out if online divorce is right for you.

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Preparing for a Child Custody Battle

Becoming single can be a scary thing. Along with the swirling emotions and impending divorce, the uncertainty of the future can create a negative residual effect on your daily life as you try to get through this upsetting process. However, with that being said, it is important to understand the custody laws and potential ruling, as well as taking the necessary steps to ensure you do not make a crucial mistake. We are speaking more about contested divorce rather than a mutual understanding, uncontested divorce proceeding.

Know the Law

Understandably, you are more than likely going to hire a lawyer, but it will help in many ways to get familiar with the custody laws and procedures in your local area. The laws around child custody can very state by state and even county by county in some states. The procedures may vary and understanding what the potential and likely outcomes are can only arm you with the knowledge needed to potentially make tough decisions; but it can also help alleviate any fears, both rational and irrational when it comes to this emotionally toxic situation.

Get Help

Do your due diligence when it comes to hiring a lawyer. If you know you’re going to be in a battle over custody in a contested divorce make sure you do the research and hire a lawyer you trust, as well as one that specializes in child custody. You may be able to get free consultation on the matter. Make sure you get involved in your case and do the necessary homework when you do hire a lawyer, don’t just sit back and assume you don’t need to know anything about the proceedings and potential outcomes. Don’t allow yourself to be blindsided by anything in your divorce proceedings, and things are more likely to go your way.

If there are other complications in your divorce proceedings, like child abuse, spousal abuse, or even your ruthless spouse’s lawyer, make sure you do the right things. For example, in situations of domestic abuse, contact a local shelter to inquire about assistance, legal or otherwise; never try to keep it hidden because it won’t go away. Be sure to conduct yourself properly throughout your divorce proceedings; do not do anything to further implicate yourself in a negative way.

There is no sure fire way to make it through the divorce process unscathed. It can be a devastating thing if you let it, but believe it or not, there are positive things that can come out of it. Most couples wait until the breaking point to confront their issues, so be glad you got to this point and the end of a bad phase is in site and the beginning of a new, positive phase is on the horizon. Life is full of complications; don’t let yourself be weighed down to the point where you are afraid of changing the negativity around you. For more information about all laws on divorce in each state or to find out information on how to file for an online divorce, visit www.mydivorcedocuments.com.

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