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Divorce Expectations: Why You Should Get Them Out In The Open

Divorce expectations may vary depending on how much of an optimist you are. For most, the process is something to be feared and dreaded. Filling out forms isn’t the way one wants to spend their weekend, nor is missing work to sit in a courtroom. The flip side of that coin, however, is when a future divorcee thinks they’re going to get everything they want — kids, over half of the assets, alimony for life, child support, etc.

No matter how unlikely or extreme your divorce expectations are, you should get them out in the open. Talk about them with friends. Write them down. Explore the worst and best case scenarios together. Why? Let’s explore.

1. It causes you to be ready for anything.

By stating your expectations on a positive and negative scale, you’re maintaining hope while exploring the real possibility that you’re not going to get everything you want out of the divorce settlement. Realistic tones are good when it comes to divorce because it tempers disappointment when something doesn’t go your way.

2. It allows you to think about alternatives. 

When you are actually entertaining the possibility that your spouse will get custody of the kids, for example, this allows you to shift your thinking into a more edifying focus. So that didn’t go my way, you tell yourself. What’s something that is going my way? How can I capitalize on that?

3. It draws the line in the sand that you’re going to need for fighting through a contested divorce.

When you start looking at divorce expectations as something realistic, you’re going to be able to separate the “it would be nice” goals with the “deal breaker” goals. This is where you find out what is really important to you and how far you’re willing to go to get it.

If you and your spouse are considering divorce, check out some of our online divorce reviews to see what your best option will be.

Does Divorce Get A Bad Rap?

When you work at an online divorce review site, you see a lot of users looking for a way to escape the confines of their marriage. Maybe they’ve tried everything. Maybe they just want out. One thing they’ll all share in common is the title “Divorced” whenever they open any new online dating profiles. As a once-divorced person myself, I remember very well what it was like clicking that box or selecting it from a dropdown menu. You always wished there could be a box marked “Explain” that allowed you to show potential love interests you’re not that scary.

​Alas, there never was.

​But the wider distance I’ve traveled between where I am now and my divorce, the more I’ve started to realize one thing: divorce really does get a bad rap. How? Let’s explore!

One: It teaches you to have more realistic expectations out of relationships.

​Rather than being disappointed at the realization that your new relationship isn’t the fairy tale ending you envisioned, you now look at things through a more realistic lens. Your significant other(s) are flawed, as are you, and that’s okay, because as long as there is respect and love, you can overcome anything. And if you don’t, life does go on.

Two: It allows you to have another shot at your ideal life.

​Of course, no life is ideal, but once the divorce is final, you have the opportunity to recalibrate your priorities, dreams, and goals as well as what you look for in another person. It is a ticket to taking back your life that won’t keep you stuck in an unhappy marriage.

Three: It is far more understood than you realize.

​When you start dating again, there is that urge to apologize to the person you’re dating for being divorced in the first place. Guess what. Most people understand it. You may even be dating a divorced person, who knows exactly how you feel. With close to half of all marriages ending in divorce, there are millions of people out there who can empathize, and they won’t be holding anything against you.

If you’re ready to make your divorce official but aren’t sure where to begin, check out our online divorce reviews of both DIY and attorney referral services.

What If Your Partner Insists On An Attorney-Led Divorce?

Our online divorce review service sees many different types of needs from the readers who frequent the site, but they typically fall into two simple categories: those who are able to handle the divorce paperwork themselves, and those who will need an attorney, usually due to tension and conflict surrounding the breakup. While the specific reasons for divorce are myriad, that about sums up the drive behind each decision.

Therefore, if you’re looking for a divorce, you’re going to have to ask yourself two questions: 

1. Do I get along well enough with my soon-to-be ex that we can handle the paperwork on our own, thus saving time and costs?; and:

2. If not, what should we do about an attorney?

It’s this second question that we’d like to focus on today. What SHOULD you do about an attorney?

First of all, get separate representation. 

A reputable attorney will never try to represent you both because they know that it’s impossible to serve the best interests of both clients. Therefore, if your spouse floats you this idea, don’t fall for it. 

Secondly, find ways of narrowing your search. 

The old school way of finding an attorney is to crack open a phone book or drive from law office to law office, taking one free consultation at a time. Thankfully, technology has made this process a heck of a lot easier. You can even use our online divorce reviews to locate an attorney referral service that will allow you to submit your information and then wait for the most qualified attorneys to contact you. Do yourself a favor, though, and don’t sign up with the very first person you speak to — at least, not without interviewing other prospects first. If an attorney-led divorce is your goal (or just unavoidable), then you don’t want the divorce to be a game of beat the clock. You want it to be something that creates the best possible outcome for you moving forward. That’s what a good attorney can grant you. 

While an attorney-led divorce will cost more, it can also be a necessity for high-conflict situations. Still, don’t rush your decision. Choose the right person for the job.

Half Of All Marriages End In Divorce? Maybe Not.

76808343You’ve heard the statistic many times before: at least half of all marriages end in one partner deciding to file for divorce. But how often do you stop to consider the validity?

What many individuals who trot out this statistic fail to realize is that the numbers are not reflective of past years. Most statisticians simply take the number of marriages that were initiated for the current year and then compare those to how many ended for the same period of time. This logic fails to take in to consideration the quantity of marriages — both successful and unsuccessful — in years past. While it’s not a statement that the divorce rate is lower than expected, it does shed light on the limitations of such “findings.”

Present Statistics See A Divorce Rate Decline

Most of the doom-and-gloom when it comes to divorce statistics originates from the peak level in 1981. However, a recent study reported by NBC News revealed that the percentage of people who file is way down from that level and has returned to the low from 1970.

Our own findings among do-it-yourself divorce clients have mirrored this trajectory with more couples deciding on cohabitation or deciding to remain single.

As for couples who commit to marriage and a two-income setup, odds of success have actually improved.

“Families with two earners with good jobs have seen an improvement in their standard of living, which leads to less tension at home and lower probability of divorce,” confirmed Andrew Cherlin, a professor of public policy at Johns Hopkins University.

Finding Hope Amid The Statistics

Cherlin’s comment and the improved statistics may not be enough to ward off your premarital jitters, but they should reframe the discussion for how we think about divorce in the US. Rather than assuming a significant chance of failure, couples need to start waking up to the fact that they can control their own destiny.

Waiting longer to marry, attaining an education before settling down, and getting established in your career, can help ease apprehension and set you on the path toward success.

That being said, if your marriage is running out of options and divorce is imminent, consider a DIY divorce. They’re faster, cheaper, and less burdensome, and we can get you started today. Best of luck whatever you decide!

What Should I Expect During My Divorce Process?

Are you considering a divorce and wondering what the process will be like?

Divorce can be a very emotional and a frustrating process.   Every state has different divorce laws that will establish what you go through once you have made the final decision.  There are several steps and procedures that need to be done in order to get the divorce process started.  Always remember that every divorce is unique in its own way, so there may be difficult times, frustrating moments and challenges with your spouse.

Some states do not have laws that allow a couple to take part in a legal separation.  In those states, you must stay married until the court decides otherwise.  If your state law allows couples to separate legally when one or the other spouse leaves the family residence, your lawyer will petition the courts for a legal separation.  If you are among the millions of people who have chosen to do their own divorce, then ordering a do it yourself divorce kit that contains a marital settlement agreement will accomplish this task as well.  This contract protects the interests of each individual including children of the marriage by making sure that both spouses meet their legal responsibilities to one another.  If your state does not have laws that allow a legal separation your next step would be to contact your lawyer or file a petition at the courts yourself asking for a hearing so that a temporary separation can be ordered.  This will happen after filing a petition for divorce in states with a no legal separation law.

A document called “Original Petition for Divorce” will start the divorce process and is filed with your local court.  In some states, this is referred to as a “Letter of Complaint.” Both documents are requests for the court to grant a divorce and list any information the filing spouse feels is necessary.  The original petition will recognize the parties to the divorce and any children they may have.  The party filing for divorce will have to state a reason as part of the petition or letter.  In most states, this will be “irreconcilable differences” or “incompatibility.” The person filing for the divorce will be named the “petitioner” by the courts while the other party to the divorce is referred to as the “respondent” or, in some states, the “defendant.”

The original petition or letter of complaint is then served to the respondent.  Normally a member of the local sheriff’s office serves the petition.  Those of you who choose to use a do it yourself  divorce process, you will be able to serve your spouse on your own.  Once the respondent has been served he / she has thirty days to hire a lawyer and respond to the original petition for divorce.   An uncontested divorce where both parties get along there is no need to hire an attorney if you can reach an agreement yourselves.   It is at this time that either party may ask for protective orders, restraining orders or temporary orders pertaining to child support and temporary allowance.

After the petition is served on the respondent, mediation is highly recommended to try and come to an agreement outside of court.  By using the Do It Yourself method you will both need to agree and settle your own disputes if any.  If you are lucky, this is as far as you will get in the process.  During mediation, both parties to the divorce and their attorney’s meet to discuss any disputes they may have and try to come to an agreement that meets the needs of one another.  The “mediator” is a court appointed attorney, and he is there to negotiate a settlement between the parties.

If you are unable to come to an agreement during mediation, a trial date will be set.  During the trial, both parties have the chance to claim their case before a judge.  The judge will then examine all the evidence and make a decision based on what he feels would be a proper settlement and conclusion.

After the judge has made a decision, both parties to the divorce will sign the final decree of divorce.  The final decree states who gets what, any orders pertaining to custody of the children, child support amounts, any ordered spousal maintenance and any other issues pertinent to the dissolution of the marriage.

If you do not agree with the court orders, you may then file a motion to appeal the order and request a new hearing. This motion is filed with the original judge.  Please note that not many judges are going to set aside their own orders. You should not be surprised when the courts deny your motion.  When the court denies your motion, you are able to file an appeal with the state appellate court.

Marriages of short length or where no children are involved will see their way through the process much faster.  If you do have children and have accumulated assets during your marriage you should not be surprised when the divorce seems to turn into a long, drawn out and at times, frustrating process.  Try to stay patient because the Family Court System is hard at work trying to protect the interest of all parties involved in a divorce action.

As you can see the divorce process can be daunting.  Please take a moment to visit where you are able to save both time and money by doing your divorce with easy to read divorce forms and a simple divorce kit.

Does a Low-Cost Divorce Really Exist?

Separating from your spouse can be very economical if you play your cards right.

It can also be very costly if you rush the process and make bad decisions.  Many divorces these days are very long and uncivilized.  Not to mention extremely expensive.  Trying to figure out how much a divorce costs is like asking how much do you spend on your wedding day?  You would like to set a budget but will always go over due to all the little perks along the roller coaster ride.  Where does all the money go?  Well for one we can figure that out right away.  Who is the first person you contact when you know you have agreed to a divorce?  Yes, your attorney is correct.

So, if you are looking to cut those costs or escape them altogether, you luckily have some alternatives.  The easiest and cheapest way of dealing with a divorce is to do all the paperwork and negotiating on your own.  A website like offers both state specific forms and kits to suit your necessary needs.  Included in every one of our divorce form kits is our step-by-step attorney authored divorce form guides to help make filing your divorce not only easy, but to give you the divorce help you may need to fill out our printable divorce forms.

Another inexpensive alternative for those whose divorces are relatively amicable is mediation.  During mediation, the couple agrees to hire a mediator that practices family law to oversee their negotiations.  A mediator can inform you about potential financial and custodial arrangements, and will help to reopen the discussion if things break down.  Trying to find the right mediator can be a task as well.  Take the time to assure you have a mediator whom you like, respect and believe to be qualified to help both of you negotiate that equitable settlement.  By talking to a number of mediators you will not only become clear on which one feels right for you, but you will also familiarize yourself with the process, the topics you’ll need to discuss, the costs associated with mediated divorces and the issues involved in selecting a mediator.

The biggest advantage of using either “Do it yourself Kits” or “Mediation” is to reduce your legal fees and have a much cheaper divorce.  In most cases I am sure anybody going through the process would like to get the divorce settled as quickly and painless as possible.  Getting a divorce can be very messy, both personally and financially.  Do not make the mistake by rushing the process to settle where it may cause you more damage financially.

If you and your spouse cannot come to an agreement and must go to court, there are a few ways to keep the costs low. Remember, turning the courtroom into a battleground will only exhaust your emotions and your finances.  Be sure to pick your battles wisely knowing every time you open your mouth the dollar signs will pop up.  Another way to keep your divorce basic is always make sure you have all the correct information and documents handy.  Always remember, too much documentation is never enough.

Overall, to avoid high cost fees we recommend you visit and take a glimpse of what we have to offer.   We offer downloadable & printable forms and kits where a Low-Cost Divorce really does Exist.

Is it Possible for a Man to get a Cheap Divorce?

This is the one million dollar question for men, and it is not always about the money.

As we all know, most divorce attorneys only care about themselves and their hourly rates.  This usually causes a divorce to drag out for a long period of time.  Depending on where you live, there are some very good alternatives.

If you have $15,000 to $25,000 to throw away, well then take the conventional route and get yourself an attorney.  But, are there other options?  You bet.  So most of your money does not go to an attorney, here are some different choices on how to seek a cheap divorce.

  • Using a good Mediator is a way to spend about one third of the regular cost of a divorce.  A mediator can decrease the cost of a divorce although it will still cost you a good amount of money.  If you have the funds and do not know your divorce rights, this is a route to take.
  • In most cases checking in with your county clerk’s office is another good way to receive information on how to file for  a divorce or how to file for a legal separation until you and your spouse decide what kind of action you will take.  If your assets are high, this may not be a sensible route to take.  If you are a regular Jo blow, the county clerk will lead you in the right direction to obtaining a cheap divorce.  Remember, you are dealing with a government office so don’t expect friendly smiles and courteous assistance.  However,these are your rights.
  • Depending on your state and your situation, there are Online Divorce Kits and divorce websites that assist you in obtaining the correct divorce forms.  Make sure you do some research and that you use a reputable site with customer service such as
  • Divorce Un-bundling.  This allows you and your spouse to maintain control and make decisions on ending the marriage on your own without the help of a neutral third party assisting you.  This includes the filing of any legal forms.  Again, I recommend you research this topic carefully.
  • In just about any state, you can hire a paralegal that will assist you in preparing the documentation necessary to file for a divorce at a much cheaper rate than an attorney.   Using a paralegal is useful when you and your spouse can agree on terms of the divorce.  But if that is already the case, why do you need a paralegal?  Right?
  • A divorce attorney is an option you have if you can afford to pay for your divorce and possibly pay for your spouses’ attorney as well.  An attorney is also good to have if you have large assets, you know your wife is going to play hardball and if you probably don’t want much contact with her.  If an attorney is absolutely necessary, save yourself some money by doing as much work as you can on your own, ask what you can do to save billable hours and explain you do not want to spend much time and money on your divorce.  A good attorney will assist you on this request.

It is not necessary to waste a lot of money on an attorney.  If you can communicate with your spouse and take the time to figure out what you both want, using a cheaper method for a divorce is very possible.  Remember to go online and look for divorce forms already available at

Important Steps to Divorce!



The planning of a divorce can be very difficult.  Be completely sure that you are 100% that you want a divorce before getting started.  Giving up on your marriage can be very overwhelming.  Be sure you have explored other resources such as marriage counseling or communication exercises before you commit to a divorce.  If possible, you and your spouse should work together and do your best to save your marriage before making any drastic decisions.

If all fails and you still are certain regarding the decision then, it is time to tell your spouse.  You must be prepared for the outcome, this can be the most emotional and difficult conversation you may ever have.  Get support from your family and friends and have them ready in case you are concerned your spouse may have a reaction that could lead to danger to either you or your children.  Be honest and upfront unless there is a security or custodial related need to not do so.

Inform your children.  If both parents can do this together, an honest explanation will provide reassurance and support to the children.  Consider researching other educational resources that will assist you to understand how to best communicate these difficult news.  It is recommended to do this before announcing the divorce to your children.


Gathering records is very important.  You will need to try and gather as many official copies of financial information about your spouse as possible.  This information can be legal, government, joint assets, joint debts, income records, employment records, insurance information and credit reports.  For your children, gather birth dates, current and past address records and social security numbers.

Obtain proof of ownership on all joint and personal assets and records of all joint debts.  Get copies of past tax returns, marriage license and any existing prenuptial agreements.

All of this information will be necessary when applying for a divorce either through an attorney or if you are using a “do it yourself kit”.

Divorce Preparation

You will need to decide if you are going to use an attorney or if you are going to use other methods to file for a divorce.  Divorce documents are available online and are a great way to keep costs low.  There are educational resources to assist you in understanding a divorce process.  You can look into other media such as, books, DVD’s or pamphlets to help you prepare for your divorce.  Take time to understand each step of the divorce process.

Custody arrangements are very important so begin to keep track of the time you spend with your children.  Make sure you log in all efforts in taking care of your children.

Prepare for a life apart

Speak to your spouse about all the accounts, debts and assets you share.  Make sure you close all credit accounts and joint bank accounts as early as possible.  Be sure to close all accounts in writing.  Speak to a professional about the negotiation process of dividing debts and assets.  Apply for your own credit cards and open your own bank accounts.  If needed, update your last will and testament as early as possible.

Use the address of your new residence or establish a secondary mailing address.  If sharing a home with your spouse for some time, store and save any sensitive information separately without access from your spouse.

A divorce does not have to be a difficult and stressful time.  Make sure to prepare and educate yourself in the initial steps to begin the divorce process.  By simply going to you can find several forms and kits as well as information to help you start your divorce process.

Use a Divorce Kit Today!

My Divorce Documents is one of the most trusted names in divorce documentation online today.  We pride ourselves in creating complete divorce kits that help our customers to file their divorces by offering on site downloadable divorce forms, restraining orders, child support and custody documents, and everything you need to complete our divorce papers, including name change forms.

Our downloadable divorce forms allow you to fill out the papers with our step by step guides in the comfort and security of your home or office when it is convenient for you.

Divorce can be a very frustrating and trying time.  If you and your spouse have come to the conclusion that divorce is the only answer, this kit will not only save you time, but dollars in legal fees and pain.

No-fault divorce is just as it sounds, neither party is at fault.  Some states call no-fault divorce “dissolution.  It simply states that there are “irreconcilable differences” between the two and they wish to terminate the marriage.

In the Do-It-Yourself Kit the following details will be covered for you:

  • Personal property and real estate
  • Child custody, support and visitation
  • Alimony
  • Debts and other obligations
  • Change to former name for the wife
  • Income taxes

Both Spouses Must Agree on the Following:

Both parties must agree entirely on the following listed details or this kit will not work for you.  Legal advice is recommended if you cannot agree on all aspects of ending the marriage.  If you and your spouse can agree entirely on the following few items, you are a perfect fit for this kit:

1) You must meet residency requirements for your state.  In most states, that is 6 to 12 months. The residency requirements for all states are listed in this kit.

2) Both of you must agree on all aspects of ending your marriage.

3) No pregnancy involved.

4) You must know the whereabouts of your spouse. He/she will need to sign the documents later. He/she will not need to appear in court, however, the person filing will.

5) You must be aware that there will be court fees you’ll pay directly to the court when you file. The fees vary in each state vary depending on where you live.  You can find out by contacting your county clerk’s office.

If you are able to agree on these items, it’s possible to save yourself lots of money in legal fees.  If you cannot agree, we suggest you seek legal advice.

Divorce is usually a very trying time, but if you and your spouse have agreed to all matters in regards to ending your marriage, this kit will definitely save time, heartache and hundreds of dollars.  Be sure to go over all situations, even real estate and children.  In addition to the cost of the kit, you will need to pay court fees.  These vary from state to state, even county to county.  You pay these fees directly to the court.  You can contact your county clerks’ office for actual fees.

To begin this low-cost downloadable specific state divorce process, please go to and see what we have to offer you now.

Common Questions of a Divorce!

A divorce is when both husband and wife have decided to separate and go there own way.  This usually takes the form of dividing their previously shared assets between them selves.  Some divorce proceedings become legal disputes over money, property, and child custodial rights.  When a couple cannot reach an agreement, the court will ultimately make those decisions for them, taking a wide range of factors in consideration when concluding a judgment.

In some states, divorce was socially shameful, and was highly discouraged or prevented by the Church and state.  Divorce was only allowed if one party broke certain marital obligations like, adultery, neglect or abuse.  Such marriages are now referred to as a “fault divorce”.   More recently, divorce has returned to its more usual state, by becoming legal, acceptable, and fairly common.  Some statisticians have reported that fewer than one in twenty divorces are contested in a courtroom.  Divorcing couples are usually reaching a settlement either with lawyers, mediation, or privately.  The restrictions on how easily a divorce can be obtained have been significantly lifted with the prevalence of the “no fault” divorce.

A no-fault divorce is a statement by each spouse that their petition to the court for a divorce has been mutually agreed on by both parties.  It attempts to hold neither party responsible for the dissolution of the marriage, and usually, couples reach a settlement over the division of rights and property.  In this case it would be bound by either an agreement between each other or mediation to avoid litigation.  In most states, all divorces require that a reason be given for the state to dissolve the marriage.  With the exception of the no-fault divorce, acceptable reasons include incompatibility between spouses, the existence of irreconcilable differences, or even the most practical description of a breakdown of the marriage.  The property is not necessarily equal in a no-fault divorce, subject to the agreed terms of the divorce, or ruling of the court.

A Summary Divorce in the United States, and some other countries, is the fastest and simplest form of divorce, granted to couples who had a short, inconsequential marriage.  In this case, few shared assets, and an equally low value of private assets.  It is also conditional on there being no child custodial issues, and no home or mortgage.

Commonly cited causes of divorce include:

  • Adultery by either one or both spouses
  • Strains caused by in-law family members
  • Physical and emotional abuse
  • Obsessive compulsions and addictions

It is a commonly held belief that women successfully negotiate the more favorable settlement or judgment more often than men in divorces, and this is actually supported by some surveys.  There is no question that mothers are usually granted the greater portion of custodial time over children compared to fathers.  However, the degree to which this happens has been gradually deceasing during the past decade.

The sharing of parental responsibilities and rights is one of the most important aspects of divorce in general.  These arrangements are always checked and ratified by a court, even where both parents are in agreement.  The ruling of custodial rights is always in favor of the child’s best interest.  In such a legal battle, the court can take a wide number of factors into consideration when deciding how to divide child custody.

With that in mind divorce rates are the highest they’ve been for hundreds of years.  The terms of divorce are becoming more manageable and acceptable to all involved.

On that note if you would like to begin your process of a divorce.  Simply go to and purchase your do-it-yourself specific state divorce kit and begin your process today.