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Divorce and Children: Everything You Know is Wrong

The effects of divorce on children have been studied for decades. While sociologists and psychologists have produced many findings on the short and long term effects that divorce may have children, many myths and questions still surround these scenarios. Every family is different, with a different dynamic and set of personality traits for each individual situation offers such a vast variety of circumstances.

When it comes to divorce and children no one has a clear cut answer about the absolute affects. The evidence of effects on kids from divorced families is considered a universal fact at this point, but the grey areas of individual effects from certain situations still provides much debate. Some clear myths still persist in defining divorce effects on kids. Let’s take a look at two of the most common.

If parents are happy their children will be happy also

The interesting dichotomy of divorce is the difference in potential happiness between the adults and children. For some parents who have tried to stick it out through hardships for their kids may realize that it is in the best interests for all involved, in the long run, to get divorced. It may be a relief for these parents. Besides a broken emotional marriage in many instances we see mother’s who have raised children and stayed home may go back to school. Some even had professions before kids may want to jump back into the fold. Fathers although traditional family dynamics say this is less likely, the same idea applies. Whatever the logistical or emotional reasons for a divorce it can truthfully be best for both adults involved. However no matter the positives that can come out of a divorce for both adults involved in the decidedly broken relationship the same cannot always be applied to the children in divorced families.

Children, especially younger children will have a tough time adjusting to a divorce, whether they exhibit outwards signs or not. Its unavoidable, the natural fracture of a home life for any child can be a defining part of what their views grow to be about human relationships and interaction. In young kids there are often 2 different reactions. They either become more aggressive to their surrounds or retreat inward. The myth that if parents are happy then so are kids can common be labeled in any situation as a way for the adults to convince themselves that they are doing the right thing.  No matter if this really is true in the long run, the effects a divorce can have on children, especially younger more impressionable ones can be sometimes unpredictable and leave a lasting imprint on the shaping of their personality through adolescence.

The Less animosity and bitterness, the less trauma

No matter how one defines a divorce in terms of “amicable” or not it is still a split. For children it is a schism and change of patterns and routines that will affect every aspect of their life going forward. Obviously minors it will affect more as they will have to adapt to different situations and the younger a child is when divorces happen the more impressionable both socially and psychologically it will be. In any situation with a divorce the more outward fighting and animosity between parents in front of kids, the deeper impact it will have on them. But it is also a false statement to conclude that even though the external animosity was kept at a minimal so also was the negative impact on children.

Believing this idea not only creates a pattern of ignorant behavior in parents, but can do continuous damage in children. Studies have shown that the affects of divorce can surface even 20 years after it has happened. There will always be a slice of animosity between divorced parents, it’s the very nature of almost all divorces, the very fact that they can’t get along. What the parents do have is the chance to both positively influence the child in the time following a divorce, and not in competition with each other.

Judith Wallerstein, who undertook an encompassing look at the affects of divorce began a study in 1970 and published a study in 2000 looking at the affects of divorce in children and what we know has stated that kids aren’t “resilient” and that the effects of divorce can have continuous residual effects in children throughout most of their adult life time. So in truth, unless there is an abundant of physical abuse and violence in a family environment, the effects and impact of a divorce can be long lasting and remain undetected at first.

With so many different studies about divorce floating around it can be confusing to know what to believe. The same can be said about the imminent legal process involving divorce. Laws are specific for each state. Rules and regulations can change on a case by case basis, and knowing what your situation can entail will help relieve some stress in already stressful process. At MyDivorceDocuments we can provide you with the helpful information to know the specifics of your situation and immediately get you started on filing for your divorce. Visit today and get the helpful information you need.

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