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How to Channel Anger in Healthy Ways

Anger is one of the oldest human emotions, and in divorce, it’s one of the most common. Feelings of betrayal and self-doubt — which are typical of a split with your spouses — can easily give rise to this caustic emotion. But here’s the thing about being angry. There’s nothing wrong with it, as long as you’re finding the right ways to channel it. Here are some of the healthier ways to do just that.

1. Realize it’s a dangerous emotion if improperly expressed.

Like a wildfire, it can spread throughout your system and boil over in unhealthy ways, charring a swath of destruction to all those in its path. Victims can include your ex, but they can also include your friends, family, and children. The moment that you realize what you’re dealing with, it becomes easier to control it.

2. Be goal-oriented, not past-oriented. 

Hallmarks of people incapable of controlling their anger: they continually relive the worst parts of their marriage over and over. They fail to take one proactive step to overcome what they’re feeling. They snap at anyone and everyone and seldom have anything positive to say. Don’t be those people. They’re too focused on the past. By setting goals and then working to achieve them, you won’t have time for anger, and you’ll like the person you become much better.

3. Live for the people you have, not the ones you lost. 

Spouse leave? Did they take some of your best friends with them? Don’t fret over that. Instead observe the people who are still around. These make up your support unit, and they deserve your love and attention for being there. If you start living for them instead of the ones you lost in the divorce, you won’t have it in you to be angry.

4. Self improve. 

The divorce may not have been your fault, but that’s no reason you can’t look at areas of your life that need improvement and then commit to making those improvements. Be it your wardrobe, your waistline, your disposition, your career — find areas where you can grow, and then grow them in the right direction.

If you commit to the four tips above, you won’t necessarily get rid of the anger, but you’ll use it to build yourself up, and that’s ultimately what you want to do.

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