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These Children Of Divorce Share The Moments They Forgave Their Parents

Being a child of divorce has never been easy. The grief and the tension that goes along with having two homes is a major source of concern to the people who come to our online divorce review site. Well, recently on Reddit someone asked an interesting question to the grown children of divorce: When did you forgive the parent who initiated the divorce action? The responses are quite eye-opening and range from true forgiveness to apathy. Here are some of the best responses.

1. “I forgave my mom when I saw her happy for the first time in my life.”

2. “My dad cheated. I love my dad though. I hate what he did and I hate the decisions he made a long time ago. I’ve never heard him apologize but I know he’s sorry for breaking the family and I know he’s sorry for putting me and siblings through it. My dad is a great father, he just wasn’t a good husband. I don’t really know why I’ve forgiven him, I’d just like to think the positive which is that he’s truly sorry and he regrets his past decisions. I have a fine relationship with him, but often, I think to myself the hurt he’s caused my mom and it makes me upset and angry, but I don’t like to think like that. My mom is happy now, and so is my dad, and I’m trying not think what could my life be like had my dad been faithful.” 

3. “My mom was abusive, so my dad left. He didn’t just leave her, though–he abandoned both me and my brother, and then my mom turned her abuse toward me. My dad technically instigated the divorce, but I can’t blame him for that. My mom treated him terribly, and I can sort of understand why he ran away, even from his children. He was probably completely traumatized. My mom is just mentally ill. I forgave her in the sense that I don’t feel any ill will toward her, but she and I are not in contact. My grandmother was mostly the one who raised me anyway, so I wasn’t close with my mom to begin with. She didn’t want me and never really liked me. Her mental illness is one that causes profound emotional pain for her, but it also causes her to inflict that pain on others. I forgive her, but that doesn’t mean I have to expose myself to that kind of abuse. Neither of them have ever apologized, and I’m okay with that. It’s been ten years this week since they separated (yep, my dad left just days before Christmas), and I’m basically indifferent to it now. I used to wish my parents would divorce so the nightly fights would stop. I can”t really blame my mom for having Borderline Personality Disorder, so I guess I just sort of forgave her by default, over time.”

4. “I forgave because I had to let that … go. As Buddha says, ‘holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intention of throwing it at someone else, you are the one who gets burned.’ I bottled up my resentment to my mother, and eventually was able to let it go as my new life became the new normal. I can do that even knowing that, I honestly believe everyone involved would have been better off had it not happened.”

5. “When time has come and you find yourself in their shoes and you end up following their path.”

6. “Life was better once they’d split, so at the time I was grateful (and 8 years old) – no more tense mealtimes or waking up hearing arguments downstairs.”

Most agreed that if their parent put forth effort, forgiveness was inevitable. Are you worried about how your children will take the divorce? Make sure you make the process as easy on them as possible by reading through some of our online divorce reviews for the best option.

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