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8 Bases You’ll Need To Cover As You Prep For A Divorce

bases you will need to cover before going in to a divorceRecently, I was speaking to a man, who was going through his first divorce after more than 25 years of marriage. He was understandably crushed by the situation. His version of events was that right up to a few weeks before he was told she was going to file for divorce, they had still been intimate with one another, both in the bedroom and with the little “tells” in public (i.e. holding hands, kissing, etc).

The news she wanted a divorce and felt “trapped” by the marriage and had felt that way for a few years, left him absolutely floored. Unfortunately, he was in that weird “holding pattern” that so many victimized by divorce find themselves in — he still thought that maybe there was hope, but that feeling was leaving him a little more each day and making him feel crazy.

Divorce is seldom fun at any age and at any stage of the marriage, and yes, sometimes marriages can be saved. But in the meantime, one has to think about their own sanity and well-being. With that said, there are eight bases that need to be covered no matter which stage of the divorce you’re in:

The Legal End

Here, you’ll have to decide whether you’re going the do-it-yourself divorce route or through an attorney. If there are a lot of assets and conflict present, then you may wish to go through an attorney. However, if you think the two of you can keep things amicable and equitable, then a DIY divorce solution can save a lot of time and money.


There are two schools of thought here: either venture full-bore into your work or take some time off to recalibrate. We recommend time off because it helps you to start confronting the heartache and the other difficult emotions right away. While work can put it off, it ultimately delays recovery.


If you were both working, then you’ll have to get used to a new budget and income level. Best to do that now rather than waiting around on someone else’s decision.

New Routines

If you don’t want to give uncertainty power over your situation, then you should start a new set of routines right away. Focus on you. Don’t just sit in your house or your new apartment and think about the pain. Get out. Go shopping. Exercise. Find something that makes you happy — preferably something new that you never shared with your spouse while you were together — and live life.


Don’t neglect their needs during this time, and don’t make them feel like they have to take sides between you or your spouse. You may be as victimized as they are by the news that your spouse wants a divorce, but putting them through that tug-of-war turns you into the bad guy and can screw them up for life.

Physical Fitness

If you take a healthier interest in exercise and run, box, lift weights, etc., then you’ll start to see yourself look better and feel better. That will make you attractive to other people — maybe even your spouse. But don’t do it for them. Do it for you.

Attend To Your Mental Health

Seek counseling or trusted friends, who don’t mind allowing you to talk about the situation. Find and attend a divorce support group. Talk to other people who may be experiencing the same emotions that you are.

Get Social

You don’t want to dwell on your divorce with other people. That’s why this is separate from our suggestion to join a divorce support group. You’ll need to enter social environments where your divorce isn’t a factor. Get out and meet new people. See the post-divorce possibilities, and healing will be just around the corner.

What helped you manage the pain and uncertainty of divorce?

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