Our online divorce review site features a number of resources for people looking for a hassle-free divorce, but occasionally we also feature wisdom from actual divorcees, and that’s what we’d like to share today.
Recently on reddit, a poster asked this question of divorcees: “What advice would you offer newly weds that you wish you knew when you got married?”
Here are some of our favorite responses.
1. “Don’t get married because you’ve been together X number of years and it’s the next step. Don’t get married because you just finished college/ grad school/ med school/ law school and it’s probably time. Don’t get married because your friends are and it feels like you should too. Get married because you love your partner and want to work, sacrifice, comprimise, hold your tongue, sympathize, support, empathize, and fight for your marriage.”
2. “Don’t get married because she is pregnant and it is the ‘right thing to do.'”
3. “Think hard about it, but don’t take to heart that once it’s done, you two will ALWAYS be together. Stay your own self; the only person you will always be with, forever, is YOU.”
4. “Learn how to communicate right away. Be able to listen and be able to talk about what you need. Women need to respect their men and men need to show their wives they love them. Read books from the start about marriage. ‘The five love languages’ by Gary Chapman is a great start! Make sure you establish your roles. Don’t talk crap about your spouse to your family, if you have a problem you can confide in them, but don’t run to them every time your spouse messes up. Learn how to work through problems without anger. Don’t be controlling! Don’t let your own insecurities ruin a great thing. Always…. ALWAYS be your spouse’s friend, meaning don’t treat your friends better than you would your spouse. Work together, not against each other if there are problems. You won’t always agree, understand it and be flexible. Learn to compromise, learn to apologize and always forgive. Don’t stop having sex, don’t stop being vulnerable, don’t stop flirting. If you wouldn’t want it done to you, don’t do it to them. Be transparent!! No lies! No cheating! If it happens, you can work it out. Always remember what brought you together.”
5. “Don’t get married because of outside pressure of any kind — any two idiots can get married but it takes two mature, giving, empathetic individuals to stay married, happily or otherwise.”
Newlyweds, to ensure you don’t end up back on this page looking at our online divorce reviews a few years from now, take the above advice to heart, and make well thought out decisions.