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Post-Divorce DIY Healing

Post-divorce DIY healingDivorce has a knack for making you feel angry, remorseful, hurt, empowered, confused, and so many other emotions your head and heart feeling like they’re going to spontaneously combust. Experiencing these emotions (especially confusion) rings dangerously true for the divorcees who never saw it coming. We’ve written a lot about the divorcee who benefitted and even wanted the divorce, but what about the divorcee who didn’t want the divorce? What about the divorcees who didn’t even see the divorce coming?

The Walking Wounded…

Forgive me for quoting such a chick flick, tear-jerking, sweat-pant-night movie choice, but Iris Simpkins of the 2006 movie “The Holiday” found the best words to describe what we’re talking about today:

“…there’s another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. It’s called unrequited love…Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone?…We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded, the handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space.”

But before you join in on a chorus of “Hear, Hear!” actually hear us out. Divorce may be horrible, and being on the receiving end of a divorce petition may be more than horrible, but there is the opportunity to live a life after the divorce dust settles.

…But Not the Walking Dead

After a divorce, it’s easy to find yourself making little slip ups, like saying “My husband/wife… I mean ex husband/wife…” While these little slip ups feel more like needles and sharp knives, it doesn’t have to be your lot in life forever. What you are in desperate need of is some healing and perspective.

The most common thing unsuspecting divorcees have to deal with is the question: “How do I move on when the person I built my world around just exited my life?” It’s quite a painful predicament to be forced to live “normally” day in and day out with the memory of a lost love nagging at your brain. Like Iris of “The Holiday” said, it’s like you’re handicapped without the perks. But what we want you to recognize is that you might feel like you’re a walking wounded, but at least you’re not a walking dead.

Life is still to be lived, and you can do it joyfully.

About Face

You can take a page from the heroines from “The Holiday” and visit somewhere new for a little while, but that can be expensive and difficult to work into your schedule. So let’s discuss the ways you can about face towards a happy, healthy life after divorce.

  • Create a new space. If you can’t vacate your life for a bit to recharge and boot up the new and improved you, then it’s time to reboot your daily surroundings. Put away, sell, or give away items that bring back painful memories, and replace them with things that make you happy. Make the renovations or life changes you always wanted to make but couldn’t when you had to consider another person’s wants.
  • Exemplify your best qualities. Before your marriage, you were a person who had qualities that enticed someone to marry you. Don’t forget this, and don’t forget the person you were, are, and will be by being yourself completely. It will be hard, but by doing this you will show your children (if you have any) how strong a person can be, which is a valuable lesson. Also, by taking pride in yourself you will learn to love yourself again.
  • Redefine your relationships. While you’re cleaning house of things and feelings that hold you back, do the same with people who make you feel negatively about yourself. In doing this, you will sort out the good friends from the false friends, and also learn to value your time and company. Additionally, this will brace you to redefine your relationship with your ex-spouse. They were your significant other, but now they are another person from your past; if you have children, their role needs to change from significant other to co-parent.

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