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Should Co-Parents Make Vows To Their Children?

Screen Shot 2015-02-09 at 11.48.58 AMAs an online divorce review site, we’re always looking at new tips and stories that might be able to help you, the reader, who may be going through a difficult time. One of the most difficult experiences of all is that of co-parenting after you’ve said goodbye to the marriage. Sometimes it can seem like your ex is just doing things to mess with you. But then, other times it can work beautifully.

There is something you can learn from the beauty, and this tip comes from Heather Cooper, who recently sat down with Huffington Post to describe how she and her ex-husband made it work after they ended their marriage.

While the whole thing is worth a read, we’re going to pull out one particularly interesting part — the “vow” that she and her ex made to their two children.

“When we divorced, Steve put his wedding band from our marriage on his right hand and we told the children that we never were going to become unwed to the family. Thanks to a lot of discussions and planning, we’ve been able to stay true to that vow. Any decision involving the kids is made mutually so our children never felt like they were able to pit us against each other. They knew we would consult each other first and they respected that.”

What Heather says makes a lot of sense, but it can be difficult to implement if you’re in the wrong mindset. Unfortunately, co-parenting often becomes about wanting the kids to like you more than your ex. When you take this route, though, you’re actually encouraging your children to dislike a part of themselves. To avoid this, a vow may be in order.

Steve actually made a physical action. He moved the wedding ring from his left hand to his right to show the kids that he wasn’t divorcing himself from the parenting relationship. By taking a memorable action, he made the vow to his children real. You and your ex may want to consider doing the same thing, but remember what Heather says: it took “a lot of discussions and planning.” Don’t be frustrated if you’re not “there” yet with your ex. It’s work, but it’s work that can have incredible results for your children. Best of luck!

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