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5 Ways You Could Be Sabotaging Your Marriage

are you ruining your marriage?As a do it yourself divorce site, (MDD) often finds itself in the role of facilitating the administrative process. But when you get right down to it, we’d rather couples find a way to work out their differences before it gets to this point. With that in mind, we’ve put together, from our own observations after helping many couples through the divorce process, five ways you could be sabotaging your marriage. Become aware of these behaviors now, and make the decision to file for divorce a last resort.

1. Venting To Others

When a marriage hits the rocks, we’ve noticed that in many cases, it’s because one or both spouses are talking to everyone else about their marital troubles but the people they should be talking to — each other. Blasting your spouse to a friend behind his or her back is not a form of counseling. It’s seeking an ally. And the only need for an ally is when the battle lines have already been drawn.

2. Avoiding Fights

You may think you’re doing your marriage a favor by keeping your mouth shut when you feel your spouse has wronged you or done something to annoy you, but you’re actually freezing those conflicts in place and allowing them to build up to an eruption of volcanic proportions. While there is a limit to the idea that fighting couples are happy couples — you shouldn’t be fighting over every little thing — fights are really the only means two partners have in gaining the conflict resolution skills necessary for the marriage to survive over a longer period of time.

3. Keeping Secrets

We’re not saying you shouldn’t have your space in a marriage, or that you should lay every last detail of your life story at your partner’s feet, but in relation to the bond that you share and the things that could affect it, there should be no secrets. If there is something you’re going to do, or some bit of knowledge that has come to your attention, which might negatively alter your relationship — well, those are secrets just aren’t worth keeping if you want your marriage to last.

4. Cyber (Or Real) Flirting And Affairs

The Internet makes it very easy to flirt with other people and facilitate real-world affairs. But even if it never gets to the point of a physical relationship, you should refer back to No. 3 and ask yourself, “Would this communication upset my partner?” If so, then you already know you shouldn’t be engaging in it.

5. Taking Each Other For Granted

Over time, it’s easy to take each other for granted — to mistake the constant silence as the two of you simply being comfortable in your own skin. While one of the best things about marriage is being able to sit in the same room and do your own thing without saying anything at all and still feeling secure and supported, it doesn’t get you off the hook when it comes to romance. Men and women both still want to feel attractive, wanted, and needed, by their partners. If silence and comfort has replaced every exciting thing you used to do, then you’re slowly killing your marriage. Bottom line: it’s okay to be comfortable with one another, but remember that you still should make time to woo each other. Dating shouldn’t stop with the wedding vows.

If your marriage is past the point of saving, then MDD’s DIY divorce options can help ease the pain and the turmoil of divorce. But if your marriage still has a fighting chance, make sure you’re avoiding the marital sabotage methods above.

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