As an online divorce review service, we often look at attorney referral services and forms completion programs and share our honest opinion about the best and the worst, the ins and the outs. Doing this may make it seem like we’re “pro” divorce, but in reality, we’d love to see you save your marriage if you can, and it’s what you really want.
However, once two people consider “calling it quits,” it’s admittedly hard to bring it back from the brink. Still, if you really want to give it your best shot, the first thing you must do is stop thinking solely about what’s wrong with your spouse and why you’re not happy living with them. Instead change your own outlook.
Recently DivorcedMoms.com took a look at five last-ditch efforts that could save your marriage. Among these were the following:
- Work on you.
- Let go of destructive reactions.
- Trust that your spouse has a good heart.
- Look for the exceptions.
- Establish clear boundaries.
While each of these are great advice — and you can read more on them here — we’d like to focus on number three because it’s so integral to the rest of the list.
Your Spouse Has A Good Heart.
When you assume that your spouse means well in the things that he or she does, it starts to work in the other areas as well. If they’re doing the best they can, it makes you want to do the best you can (hence, No. 1, “Work on you”).
When you assume that your spouse is essentially a good person who wants to do right by you, it’s tougher to be angry at them when things go not-according-to-plan (No. 2).
Changing the way you think about your spouse and giving them the benefit of the doubt will make it easier to let some things go, like how he/she puts the toilet paper on the roll. Soon, you’re noticing what they do for you already instead of the little things they do wrong (No. 4).
Finally, by doing these things, you can start getting to the heart of the matter — the deal breakers, the things that really matter if they are to keep you happy for the whole of your lives together. In so doing, you’re establishing the boundaries that DivorcedMoms encourages in No. 5.
In Summary
Taking the advice above, it’s fascinating how big of a difference can be made with one simple step — giving your spouse the benefit of the doubt and assuming that underneath the rough stuff, they’ve got a good heart. If you can look at them and see it, then the marriage may be worth saving. If not, then we encourage you to look at our online divorce reviews for the best sites and ways to handle your case.