There have been some strange whisperings around Huffington Post: Divorce about infidelity and marriages. One blog writes about David Letterman’s statement during an Oprah show that after his affair he “never felt better about [him]self, and [his] relationship with [his] wife has never been better.” After this statement, and an affirmation form a writer at The Stir, the blog dares to ask the question, “Can an affair make a marriage stronger?” The answer to which was a resounding “NO” in the comments.

The Truth Corner

Welcome to the Truth Corner. In this little space in the blogosphere, we will tell the unadulterated truth; and now we are about to tell the unadulterated truth about adultery.

Firstly, Mr. Letterman probably has never felt better about himself because he just discovered his wife will in fact remain married to his old, cheating self. Secondly, Mr. Letterman must have horrible judgement to think it’s good for his image to stroke his own ego after such a public faux pas. Thirdly, the only way a marriage can come back stronger after an affair is if the old marriage dies.

Thank you very much for tuning in for this edition of the Truth Corner.

The Marriage, Reincarnate

Just so you won’t get the wrong impression about the Huffington Post, we found a wonderful blog about how a marriage should recover from an affair written by Tammy Nelson. Nelson’s blog goes into the process a married couple went through to salvage their marriage.

After the initial shock or rage wears off, the next step is to think about how you feel about your marriage. Nelson make two lists of questions to consider, one list for the unfaithful spouse and another for the wronged spouse.

The unfaithful spouse should ask themselves:

• Do you regret the infidelity? We are assuming this question does not mean “Do you regret getting caught?” The question is “Do you regret hurting your spouse and making this error?”
• Do you love your spouse and want to continue to have a [romantic] relationship with them?
• Are you ready to honestly and openly work on the relationship? Yes, for clarity’s sake, working “honestly and openly” will include pain, tears, and some anger.

The wronged spouses should ask themselves:

• Are you scared your relationship with the person won’t survive?
• Does the thought of ending relationship feel wrong to you?
• Are you also ready to honestly and openly work on the relationship, including pain, tears, and anger?

If the spouses answered “Yes” to all of their questions, the relationship may have a chance to move on from the infidelity.

The Phoenix Marriage

According to Nelson, from this point on the couple must come to the realization that there is no returning to the marriage they had. The only way to stay in a relationship is to let that marriage die and recreate a new, stronger marriage from the old one’s ashes. This might require counseling; actually, this will probably require counseling.

But this is the true way to move on after a bout of infidelity and adultery. To make a break from a relationship so flawed that infidelity was allowed to sprout. When thinking about healing a marriage after unfaithfulness, think more about starting new and not going back to the way things were. Who would want to go back to the way things were if infidelity was the end result? People on the fast track to divorce court, and maybe David Letterman.