As an online divorce review site, we know that divorce can take many different shapes and forms. For our readers who gravitate toward uncontested divorce, conflict may not be a big issue after the papers have been finalized. (This could be, in part, because you don’t have children together and, therefore, never have to see each other again.)
For the rest of you that have to maintain at least a civil relationship with your ex, usually through co-parenting, it can be difficult sharing space with one another and not erupting into a classic brawl. However, it is possible to keep things pleasant by following these steps.
KISS: Keep It Short, Specific
When you’re meeting to discuss a matter involving your children — and that usually will be the reason — we suggest that you keep the meeting as short as possible, and that you don’t allow yourself to veer off on any tangents. Focus on your children or whatever the reason for the meeting is, and maintain a businesslike approach. If your ex tries to get off-topic, don’t play the game. Direct the conversation back to the main purpose and end it once you’ve discussed what you came to discuss. Meeting in a public place makes it easier to do this.
Be Kid-Centered During Special Occasions
Child’s birthday coming up? Does he or she want you both to be there (without fighting)? If so, then give them what they want. Attend events that require a mutual presence with the utmost focus on the child and their enjoyment. Kids aren’t stupid. They won’t automatically assume that you’re getting back together, or that you even like each other. Even so, they should be able to enjoy a party or a Christmas celebration without fear their parents will be at each other’s throats.
Try To Remember The Person They Were
Even though you may not believe it now, your ex has good qualities. How else did they get you in the first place? What was it about them that made you let down your guard and give some of your life to them? We’re not saying you have to fall in love with them all over again — in fact, that’s a terrible idea — but we are saying that you should focus on the positives and give them the benefit of the doubt when interacting, until they prove they don’t deserve it. Even then, try to remember that your child will never see your ex in the same light you do. They DO see the positives, and they love you both equally. If you’re having trouble remembering the good qualities of your ex on your own, just try to understand what your child sees when they look at them.
If you are unsure whether a do-it-yourself divorce is right for you, read our online divorce reviews of both forms completion and attorney referral services, and then make the best decision that suits your situation. Best of luck!