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Post Divorce Dating; Daunting or Refreshing?

For many, the question of How to divorce is the hardest question they will ever ask themselves.  Although this is only one blogger’s personal opinion, marriage is about mutual trust, love, and respect.  If there is no desire from one person or the other to improve upon the lacking areas, then the vows have already been broken, and the contract that bound a couple is null and void.  It may sound overly cause-and-effect, but sometimes that is what’s needed to make the decision that’s truly in your best interest.

Online dating is a great way to ease into the process of meeting new people.  Too often, we fall into the trap of “I’ve been with this person for so long, I can’t leave now,” and this reasoning is precisely why someone should leave now, rather than wait.  The more time we spend hoping things will change, the more we buy into this reasoning.  Worse yet, there’s less time that could be spent with the person that you were meant to be with.  In a lot of ways, it is like the gambler who spends all his money thinking, “I’ve already lost so much money–I’m bound to win soon!”

For some, it is the fear that they won’t find someone else, and that they will be doomed to a life of loneliness and a house full of cats for the rest of their lives.  Obviously, this isn’t true, and there are a lot of dating sites like match.com and eharmony.com that do offer plenty of opportunities to find someone who better fits your needs and your personality.  Forcing something is rarely the right choice, and a marriage is no different.  It should be a natural, comfortable fit that fills you with joy at the thought of a life together, not dread and resentment.  Marriage is supposed to be a joyous union, a joining of souls, that improves the quality of life for both people involved.

No one in their right mind signs up to be a mental, emotional, or physical punching bag for the other person.  If this is a prolonged pattern, then the timing for when to divorce has long since passed, and clearly the respect and love needed for a functional marriage is not there, nor is there much hope of change.  There is absolutely no reason why you should sell yourself short and consign yourself to a life of misery and fear.  At the very worst, the current pattern ends, and there is hope for a new beginning.

Dating divorced men and women is different in that these people have had to make that same hard choice, but knew that it was necessary and perhaps may be able to find a common bond.  There are plenty of people out there that had to go through the process, but made it to the other side and found new lives for themselves.  Now, it is your turn.  If you’ve been thinking of giving divorce dating a try, then that in and of itself is a sign that things are not looking too good.

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