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What Your New Relationship Needs From You To Find Success

Every new relationship is scary and exciting because there are so many variables regarding what could go right and what could go wrong, and you haven’t been “in it” enough to “win it.” While there are factors beyond your control, the good news is that you and your new partner have quite a bit of say over the outcome. From the divorcee’s perspective, here is what this new relationship needs from you in order to be successful.

1. A farewell to the past.

For a new relationship to be successful, there is much that the divorcee will have to let go of, particularly whatever baggage they are carrying from their marriage. If your spouse cheated on you, for instance, you have to remember that they cheated on you, not the new person. You cannot expect your relationship to succeed if you’re still allowing trust issues to dictate how you interact with your new partner.

2. A fresh perspective on yourself.

Just like you cannot hold the sins of an ex against your current partner, you also can’t allow your own foibles to make you think you’re entitled to anything less than happiness. Even if you have a degree of guilt regarding your role in how the marriage failed, you have to learn to look at yourself and your life with a fresh perspective. That was then, this is now, the old saying goes. It’s your job to make that a reality.

3. An openness to change.

One of the biggest issues I faced in finding happiness after my divorce was letting go of the need to always be right. I feel that the competitiveness that I brought to my first marriage led to escalation on some fights that today would be no big deal. I realized that there were far too many calories burnt on trying to position myself as “correct.” But here’s the secret: even if you can get your partner to “admit defeat” in an argument, you haven’t won anything except for maybe their bitterness. Point being: it’s far better if you’re open to changing things about yourself that were not productive to the health of the relationship.

What are some things we left off regarding what your new relationship needs to find success? Share some of your thoughts in our comments section.

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