Category : Divorce advice

Home»Archive by Category "Divorce advice" (Page 3)

Christmas As A Newly Single Person: How To Make It Work

The holidays are a time of togetherness with family and friends, and having someone you can love and snuggle up to at night makes it all the more fun. But for those of us who’ve experienced divorce during the holidays, it can be overly depressing if allowed. As an online divorce review site, we see it all the time, and so we’re laying down these ground rules for how you can get past the holiday-induced depression and make it work.

1. Stay a little longer with family and friends.

It wasn’t my ideal Christmas the first year I was divorced, but there was something about going home for Family Christmas and staying that made me not feel so alone. Sure, my parents can drive me batty, but it felt a lot better having them there than not. And it was one of the last times that I learned to enjoy the absolute reward of nothingness. No thoughts of being productive or impressing anyone. It was just me and my Galaga for iPhone game, and a whole lot of free time. We recommend going somewhere familiar and setting up camp — parents, siblings, you name it. Just don’t sit home and make yourself more depressed.

2. Play Santa Claus.

So-called “Angel Trees” are popular throughout the U.S. during the holiday season, and it can be an incredibly gratifying experience to go buy presents for “angels,” or less fortunate children who wouldn’t have a Christmas without it. Playing Santa Claus can be its own reward, just knowing that you’re still capable of spreading joy even during your darker times.

3. Don’t forget yourself.

One thing I loved about Christmas as a newly single person was the realization that I had a Christmas budget that would have normally been split down the middle between me and my ex. With her out of the picture, I got to therapy shop, and it was glorious.

If you’re still going through your process, then read some of our online divorce reviews for insight into the easiest ways through. And don’t sweat the holidays. It may seem dire the first year, but if you stick to the above guidelines, you can experience the best of what the season has to offer and become a better person along the way.

8 Warning Signs Your Relationship Is Already Gone

In our experience as an online divorce review site, the end of a relationship is generally telegraphed well ahead of the actual end date. Recently on Reddit, a user asked fellow commenters to share the red flags that their relationships were in trouble. Here were some of the more memorable responses.

1. “The first fight I got into with my last girlfriend, first thing she did was grab a bottle of Jack Daniel’s and start drinking out of it to enhance the fight. I should have seen that one coming.”

2. “Her brother told me she was a psycho and there’s no way it’s going to work. She ended up being a psycho. It didn’t work.”

3. “No Bible study group meeting goes on till 11:30 in the night. … I should have known better.”

4. “We worked together and she had been working there a couple more years then I had. Most (if not all) of my female coworkers told me she was unstable, uncaring and had slept around on her previous boyfriends. I wrote it off as jealousy. My manager even took me aside one day and said even though it wasn’t his business, I should be really careful. They weren’t wrong. Not by a long shot.”

5. “Complete unwillingness to communicate about serious issues. If something was bothering her, she’d brush it off, bottle it up and save up an arsenal. Then one day she’d explode and lay into me about things that happened months prior that she’d been carrying around ever since.”

6. “Chasing me down with a car in a parking lot, then hitting me. Then shouting at me as I lay there bleeding was another clue.”

7. “None of my friends liked her or invited her anywhere. I always had to ask if I could bring her around. There is a reason you keep friends in your life, a big one being they know what is good/bad for you.”

8. “Choosing to spend her (divorced mother of 2 kids) evenings either with me or in pubs with friends/colleagues over going home to her 2 boys (3 & 6 years). The boys were asleep before she reached home & got her only on the weekends.”

If any of these situations sound familiar then consider reading over our online divorce reviews to pursue your next step, and good luck to you!

11 Relationship Lessons Learned: Any Sound Familiar?

As an online divorce review site, we are fascinated by the dynamics of relationships — good and bad — as well as what can be learned from each. Relationships can teach us a lot about who we are and what we want in another person over the long term, but some of these lessons can come the hard way. Recently someone on Reddit asked the community what their biggest relationship lessons learned were. Here were some of the more memorable responses.

1. “That there are worse things than being alone.”

2. “I learned a lot from it, but the biggest thing I learned is that a breakup does not have to come from someone screwing up, sometimes it is simply the best thing.”

3. “She showed me who I was becoming. … Started to adopt some of the abusive traits I learned from my parents. Projected them to her until she couldn’t take it anymore. I’m a better person today, sucks it took her leaving me in order to realize that.”

4. “Dated a girl who I was crazy about, her feelings just weren’t as strong. In the end it became a bit one sided. If your partner genuinely doesn’t seem to love you, it’s very difficult to create that feeling.”

5. “Always buy refundable airline tickets. No matter how into you she seems, you just might get a you’re dumped text completely out of the blue.”

6. “I can’t depend on anybody for my own happiness.”

7. “I learned that you should always trust your gut. There were so many red flags that I failed to acknowledge.”

8. “That emotional constipation is never a good thing. Seriously, people, communicate with your partner!”

9. “When you’re compromising too much. In every relationship both parties will need to make compromises, but you shouldn’t have to be a completely different person to make it work. If that’s the case, you’re with the wrong person.”

10. “There’s no use in trying to track your SO down, or controlling whether they go or not, or even the people they go out with. If your SO wants to cheat on you, they will. The only thing you can do is making sure you are with someone who cares about you, and being a caring and loving person yourself. If you can’t trust this person, you shouldn’t rely your emotional well being on them.”

11. “That people can fall out of love just as quickly and abruptly as they fall into it. Even if you are the most caring and compassionate partner, that has no real power over their heart. Sometimes love just disappears and there is nothing you can do but move on (or stand outside their window with a stereo).”

If you’re relationship is at an end and you need help deciding the next step, be sure to check out some of our online divorce reviews, and good luck!

These People Gave Their Unfaithful Partners Another Chance

As an online divorce review site, we see many individuals contemplate and even act on divorce as a result of infidelity. It’s understandable why two people may not be able to work it out in just such a situation, but surprisingly, there are plenty of times where the marriage survives. The Redditors listed below share their reasons why they gave their unfaithful partners another shot. It’s not always pretty, but it does resonate.

1. “The first times, I stayed because I didn’t believe I could make it on my own. The last one I made him leave because I had realized I was worth more than the crumbs he was giving me. I showed my daughter what wasn’t acceptable to take from a man and my son what wasn’t acceptable to do to a woman.”

2. ”My husband cheated on me emotionally four years ago. We weren’t married then — we had been dating for about a year. Four months before that, I had found nude pictures on his computer from some other girl. The first time, my world was shattered. One of the reasons I grew to love him as much as I did was because I never would’ve expected him to do anything like that. My trust was gone. I forgave him for the little mishap — I took it as remnants of his single life. Then, when I went away on a weekend trip, he had an overtly sexual conversation with a friend of his on Facebook. When I stumbled upon this, I was devastated. I can’t describe the hurt I felt. It was like someone had sucker punched me. I cried for days, weeks, months… and even now, four years later, I still cry.

“And yet, I stayed with him. When I confronted him about it, he broke down in tears, telling me he needed help, that he was so sorry and didn’t know why he did it. Seeing him in tears made me want to take care of him. I feel that’s why I stayed with him. I loved him, I didn’t want to throw it all away without giving it another try. Since then, I’ve never had any reason to believe he is still cheating on me. I honestly feel that it was a lapse in judgment on his part and that he realizes how deeply he hurt me. But that trust is no longer there, not completely.”

3. ”Love is a difficult path, and unfortunately we don’t always grow at the same rate as our partners. I stayed and I’m glad I did. I still have moments of reflecting back to the hurt but I don’t want to live there. It was a habit for him and I recognize people do dumb things for even dumber reasons. He didn’t want to be the person he had become. I wanted a stab at a relationship that had amazing chemistry. And so far, it’s working. The biggest thing we’ve both learned is that you have to keep working on your relationship and not give up on each other. We will not allow boredom to set in with us, because we’ve both experienced unfulfillment in relationships before and that ended in us seeking fulfillment externally. That’s what happens, sometimes. We both intend for that not to happen to us. The only guarantee in life is that everything changes, but we are still hopeful.”

Remember, there is no dishonor in trying to work through and save your marriage from infidelity, just as there is no shame in leaving your spouse because of it. No one can make the right decision for you, BUT you. If your marriage is past the point of no return because of infidelity, then check out our online divorce reviews for how to proceed.

Things To Consider Before Going Out On Your First Post-Divorce Date

If you’re here looking for online divorce reviews, then you may not think you’re ready to consider dating. It may be too early. But before you know it, you’re going to feel the urge to get back out there and test the waters. Before you do, however, it’s important that you stop and consider a few things.

One: Are you ready to let go of the past?

It may not be fair to the person you’re dating that you compare the experience to your ex in some ways, but it’s certainly understandable. Still, there is a fine line between making connections and unfairly judging someone based on your ex-husband or ex-wife. Until you’re at that point where you can let it go and realize that this is a different human being with their own strengths and weaknesses, you probably shouldn’t be dating. Pushing forward before you’ve resolved this matter can lead to you always dating your ex, at least in your own mind, and that’s unhealthy for future relationships.

Two: If you have kids, are they ready for you to date again?

Kids need a lot of help and support when their parents get a divorce. Their idea of stability has been shaken and they’re still trying to get used to a new reality — one where Mom and Dad live in two different locations and may not get along. It’s common for you to be ready for dating long before they are. If you act on this, however, realize that there could be problems and it may not be wise to bring the new person around your kids right away. Depending on where you are in the divorce, it may not be legal either.

Three: Are you looking for something beyond the physical? 

A serious relationship requires something more than simple physical chemistry. While attraction is important, it doesn’t guarantee that your next relationship will be any better than your past. If you’re just looking for physical relationships, then you may not need to scrutinize every partner. But if you’re thinking of saying, “I do” again, make sure it’s with someone who gives the relationship a better chance at success than your ex and some of your physical partners.

Again, as an online divorce review site, you may not be ready for this yet, but you will be. Just make sure you’re giving it careful thought before taking the next step.

Is Social Media Telling You Your Spouse Is Having An Affair?

As an online divorce review site, we like to keep up with what’s going on in the world of divorce and relationships because it can be beneficial to you, the reader. One of the things we see turn up a lot online is the question of online affairs and whether they can translate into the real world.

Studies have proven time and time again that social networking sites like Facebook make it easier than ever to plan out and act on affairs. This reality was recently brought back to our attention by a post on Reddit in which a commenter wondered if he should be concerned that his wife was having an affair because she was always deleting messages from one friend, a member of the opposite sex.

To this, we would advise being cautious but trusting. Here are the possible scenarios:

1. It’s innocent, and she doesn’t want to make you jealous.

If you’ve shown in the past that you’re something of the jealous type, then it’s possible that your spouse is deleting the messages unread — or they respond to it while keeping things professional but opt for the delete button afterward not to cause any problems. Of course, the “right” thing for your spouse to do would be to say, “I think you should know this person has started messaging me, and I want nothing to do with them, and out of respect, I thought you should know about it.” But if you’re a powder keg, it’s understandable why your spouse may want to discretely get rid of the evidence.

2. It’s innocent, and your spouse is planning a surprise for you.

This possibility wouldn’t have even occurred to me had I not seen it with my own eyes over the last week. A friend was helping his friend’s girlfriend plan a surprise party, and so she was becoming all mysterioso with the messages that she got from my friend. The guy found out, got defensive, and she had to spill the beans on the surprise party. Chances of this being the typical case? Very slim. Which brings us to:

3. It’s not innocent, and there is an emotional and/or physical affair going on under your nose.

The studies are not wrong. Social networking makes adultery very easy. If this is happening often over an extended period of time, then you know No. 2 isn’t the case, and No. 1 probably isn’t either. And even if nothing physical has occurred, the fact that the emotional aspects are there goes to show that there is something wrong with your marriage. We recommend seeking professional help and trying to get your spouse involved.

If that doesn’t work, look around the site at our online divorce reviews. We can guide you to the right attorney or DIY service for you. Best of luck!

Tips For Making Marriage Counseling Work For You

As an online divorce review site we know our visitors are experiencing marital distress and thinking seriously about divorce. While that may, in fact, be the answer it is certainly understandable if you and your spouse would like to try counseling to see if the marriage can be saved. However, before it can have a chance of working, you will first need to implement the following tips.

One: Be Committed To Showing Up.

One of the main reasons that most marriage counseling efforts fail is that only one spouse is committed to showing up. It’s hard to have an effective counseling session when only one of you actually want to do it. If you’re the one making arrangements with a counselor, try to involve your spouse by letting them know day and time as well as getting them to help you pick out a marriage counselor. If they don’t wish to help, that may mean they’re not as committed to the idea as you. Still, as long as they show up and participate, the marriage has a chance.

Two: Be Ready For The Truth, Even If It Hurts.

Most marriages end not because couples fight too much or say mean things to one another. No, those marriages have a better chance at survival because they don’t suffer from the deadliest relationship ailment of all — lack of communication. Marriage counseling is a good chance to get the truth out there and express your feelings. If you are committed to doing that, then you must also be capable of hearing the same of yourself. Marriages can be healed so long as the two parties involved are at peace with hearing truth — even when it’s uncomfortable or painful.

Three: Be Ready For Action.

Whether you’re able to reconcile as a couple or not, you must be ready for action. You can’t go back to making the same mistakes or you’ll be right back where you started. If counseling hasn’t changed your dynamic, then you can take that as a sign that it’s perhaps time to move on. Either way, the results allow you to move forward into Progress.

If the two of you are at an impasse and believe that you’re ready to move on, our online divorce reviews can help you choose between a DIY or attorney referral service. Best of luck with your decision!

What To Remember When Splitting Property In A Divorce

If you’re here at our online divorce review site looking in to doing the divorce yourself, you may have a number of questions regarding the split of property between you and your spouse. That’s understandable. You don’t get divorced every day, and even if you’re on your second or third, enough changes with time and circumstance that it becomes difficult to remember how things operate.

Therefore, it’s good to have a guide of the things to remember when splitting your property. Here are some of the most vital.

One: Equitable Doesn’t Mean Equal. 

It is the drive of the court to see to it that the marriage settlement is equitable, not necessarily equal. One of you may be better equipped to earn money while the other put their career and education on hold to stay at home and raise the kids. If that happens, the primary childcare giver cannot step out into the workforce and earn as much as you. That being said, a judge would be more likely to rule that you take on more debt or your spouse gets a higher portion of savings and property.

Two: Playing Nice More Easily Gets The Desired Outcome.

So many spouses just want to hurt each other more than they already have in the marriage when it comes time to divorce. Taking such action will only increase suffering on both sides and have a negative fallout on the children. If you want to get more from the divorce, it’s best that you prepare to work with your spouse instead of against.

Three: When In Doubt, Hire An Attorney

Do-it-yourself divorce isn’t necessarily for everyone. If you feel like you can’t work it out with your spouse, getting an attorney may be your best bet. We offer a variety of online divorce reviews of attorney referral services in addition to forms completion. Don’t leave yourself vulnerable if your efforts are failing.

It’s almost always difficult and awkward to split property and finances. Be wise about it, but also be open to compromise and closed to hostility. Doing so can be the difference in a divorce that costs hundreds or thousands of dollars. Good luck!

The Many Don’ts Of Divorce

As an online divorce review site we are interested in the divorce process and how people choose to cope with it. It’s easy to make mistakes throughout the process, but if you can avoid these 7 don’ts, then you’ll be better off than most no matter what.

1. Don’t bring your kids into it more than they already are.

2. Don’t take revenge. It just begins a vicious circle of hatred that can grow well beyond the divorce itself.

3. Don’t start dating too soon afterward, and the minute you realize you’re dating another person just like your ex, cut it off.

4. Don’t introduce your kids to any new significant other too soon.

5. Don’t try to rekindle your relationship especially when you see that your ex has moved on. Furthermore, don’t pray or hope for your ex’s failure in the post-divorce world. That will only make you bitter, and you’ll be so hung up on them that you’ll forget you’ve got a life of your own to live.

6. Don’t fall back into your old patterns. Being divorced is about ending one thing and moving on to something new. Use yours as an opportunity for growth — in particular, growing into the person that you want to be rather than the one that you were.

7. Don’t make dumb financial mistakes. If the divorce was particularly painful, you may want to “treat” yourself in order to lift those spirits. That’s fine, but know where the “too far” line is, and don’t cross it. If you play your cards right, divorce will be kind to your pocketbook, and yes, that’s even if you have to pay child support. It’s because beyond the necessary expenses, you’re the one in control of how money is used. You don’t have to rely on someone else’s perhaps-irresponsible spending patterns. 

If you’re still at the precipice of divorce, we hope this hot list of don’ts helped you. If you need any help with your case, we recommend reading our online divorce reviews on both forms completion (for DIYers) and attorney referral services (for you traditionalists). Good luck!

Meeting With Your Ex: How To Keep It Civil

As an online divorce review site, we know that divorce can take many different shapes and forms. For our readers who gravitate toward uncontested divorce, conflict may not be a big issue after the papers have been finalized. (This could be, in part, because you don’t have children together and, therefore, never have to see each other again.)

For the rest of you that have to maintain at least a civil relationship with your ex, usually through co-parenting, it can be difficult sharing space with one another and not erupting into a classic brawl. However, it is possible to keep things pleasant by following these steps.

KISS: Keep It Short, Specific

When you’re meeting to discuss a matter involving your children — and that usually will be the reason — we suggest that you keep the meeting as short as possible, and that you don’t allow yourself to veer off on any tangents. Focus on your children or whatever the reason for the meeting is, and maintain a businesslike approach. If your ex tries to get off-topic, don’t play the game. Direct the conversation back to the main purpose and end it once you’ve discussed what you came to discuss. Meeting in a public place makes it easier to do this.

Be Kid-Centered During Special Occasions

Child’s birthday coming up? Does he or she want you both to be there (without fighting)? If so, then give them what they want. Attend events that require a mutual presence with the utmost focus on the child and their enjoyment. Kids aren’t stupid. They won’t automatically assume that you’re getting back together, or that you even like each other. Even so, they should be able to enjoy a party or a Christmas celebration without fear their parents will be at each other’s throats.

Try To Remember The Person They Were

Even though you may not believe it now, your ex has good qualities. How else did they get you in the first place? What was it about them that made you let down your guard and give some of your life to them? We’re not saying you have to fall in love with them all over again — in fact, that’s a terrible idea — but we are saying that you should focus on the positives and give them the benefit of the doubt when interacting, until they prove they don’t deserve it. Even then, try to remember that your child will never see your ex in the same light you do. They DO see the positives, and they love you both equally. If you’re having trouble remembering the good qualities of your ex on your own, just try to understand what your child sees when they look at them.

If you are unsure whether a do-it-yourself divorce is right for you, read our online divorce reviews of both forms completion and attorney referral services, and then make the best decision that suits your situation. Best of luck!