Category : divorce and children

Home»Archive by Category "divorce and children" (Page 2)

How Does A Divorce Affect Your Child’s Adult Relationships?

At our online divorce review site, we like to stay plugged in to changing perceptions of divorce, particularly with how it relates to children of divorce.

Most researchers are in agreement that when Mom and Dad get a divorce, it has a significant impact on the child’s life going all the way into adulthood. Since a child has no other close models for how married people are to treat one another, they put a great deal in their parents’ ability (or inability) to get along. That follows them, and now Tara Eisenhard of DivorcedMoms.com has shed more light on the specifics.

Eisenhard, in a piece entitled, “5 Ways My Parents’ Divorce Affected My Adult Relationships,” had this to say.

 

  • I’m OK with divorce.
  • I think of divorce as a shared goal.
  • I believe that families should evolve, not dissolve, through the process.
  • I’m acutely aware of my personal health in relationships.
  • When I consider new partners, I think about how what it would be like to separate from them.

Of these five points, the last one really stands out. “I think the end of a relationship is an act of teamwork. Therefore, I don’t want to get involved with anyone who wouldn’t work with me through that process if necessary. I’ve no interest in men who’ve indulged in dirty divorce tricks, nor those who are adamantly against divorce.”

This is a bit of a controversial view, but it’s not fair to tell Eisenhard she’s right or wrong for feeling this way, given her experience. However, it does make one think how this is any different from asking a potential spouse to consider signing a prenuptial agreement.

There is a resigned sense of negativity in the outlook that makes it very difficult for someone who wants marriage for life to be interested in Eisenhard. To validate this view, one would have to consider changing the perception of traditional marriage. For all intensive purposes, the goal of the traditionally married has been to get together, stay together, and die together. Eisenhard’s view turns that on its head and sets a general expectation of failure, unless you redefine the word.

At that point, some might ask, what’s the point in getting married when you could just live together?

To those of you who are here checking out our online divorce reviews, we ask the question: do you see anything wrong with Eisenhard’s take on marriage being predisposed to expendability?

Higher-Income Families: Children Have Tougher Time With Divorce [Study]

Our online divorce review site enjoys keeping up with trends in divorce research, and today, we’ve got a really interesting find.

Georgetown University and the University of Chicago conducted a recent study using data from the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth, a survey conducted by the Bureau of Labor Statistics starting in 1979, to observe how children reacted over time to divorce, separation and other adjustments in their family unit.

Looking at low-, middle-, and high-income families, the team discovered that children from higher income homes had a more difficult time behaviorally with the divorce.

The Methodology

According to the Huffington Post, the study was completed by taking a nationally representative sample of close to 4,000 children born to the female respondents of the NLSY survey, who were aged 14 to 21 when it began in 1979.

“In 1986, the NLSY researchers began looking at these women’s children, biennially assessing their health, development and well-being through interviews with their mothers,” HuffPo explained. “These mothers were questioned about family structures, household income and the socio-emotional state of their children, which allowed the Georgetown and University of Chicago researchers to analyze that longitudinal data and draw conclusions about the children’s behavioral outcomes. Children were observed between birth and age 12, and the data was collected from 1986 until 2008.”

The survey assessed negative outcomes by using two basic categories: externalizing behaviors — “things like aggression, defiance and bullying,” HuffPo notes — and internalizing behaviors — “things like sadness, anxiety, nervousness and low self-esteem.”

“Again,” HuffPo adds, “these were all deduced from interviews with the children’s mothers.”

“We divided the sample into high-, medium- and low-income families and we found, in fact, that parental separation or divorce really only impacted the children in the top income group,” said Rebecca M. Ryan, assistant professor in the department of psychology at Georgetown University and one of the lead researchers of the study. “But we did a better job of demonstrating that that’s true and a less of a good job explaining why that might be true.”

The HuffPo report on this study is quite a lengthy one, and we suggest checking it out if you would like to hear more of the speculation as to why this is the case.

However, here are some takeaways that higher and middle income families need to remember:

1. It’s not about the money. Your child doesn’t necessarily find comfort in material possessions and financial stability, especially when his entire world has been altered in a way that is less common among your socio-economic group.

2. Happiness to your children is more about relationships and stability. Effective co-parenting is so important at this point, so be sure to respect each other as parents even if you have some tension and hostility remaining between you personally.

3. Don’t lose the connection you have with your child by trying to use them as a pawn to “get at” your ex.

Of course, how you exit the marriage will play a big role in how well your child transitions, and our online divorce reviews can point you toward some of the best sites for handling your divorce in an efficient, affordable manner. Best of luck as you move forward!

3 Reasons Why Divorce Is Easier For Childless Couples, Other Than The Obvious

You can’t be in the business of online divorce reviews without observing a few things about the process itself and what it can do to families. It’s common knowledge that divorce is toughest on the kids, and that toughness can make life harder for you as well. Childless couples, on the other hand, are more apt to get through the paperwork and bounce back easier — not just because they have kids, but also for the following reasons. 

One: It’s Easier To Unwind Finances. 

When kids are not involved in the divorce, it’s much easier to unravel the unified finances that you probably shared with your spouse. Childless couples generally do less investing together, and many haven’t even started to plan for retirement. This makes it easier to agree to a clean break — 50/50 — and move on with life.

Two: It’s Easier To Count Your Blessings. 

When you have children and go through a divorce, it’s common to feel resentment that you have to continue interacting with your ex even though the marriage is over. The kids are there, and they’ll always be there. When you don’t have kids, it’s easier to imagine that very situation and take solace in the fact that you don’t have to go through it. As a result, food tastes a little better and the silence of single life is a tad sweeter (at least, eventually). 

Three: It’s Easier To Enjoy Your Freedom.

Kids are wonderful additions to any person’s life, but they are also very demanding, and to enjoy them to the fullest, you have to be ready. That means making sacrifices regarding the things you like to do more often than not. When kids aren’t a factor, however, you can bask in the freedom. Go to Saturday matinees, run late at night after work, eat out for every meal, and pretty much do things your way all the time, within reason.

If you don’t have kids, but you plan on getting a divorce, our online divorce review site can connect you with the proper resources to make a clean break at minimal cost. Best of luck to you, whatever you decide!

Questions To Ask To Determine If Your Co-Parent Is Engaging In Inappropriate Behavior

cowardly breakup linesWe may be a do-it-yourself divorce service, but many of our clients still experience the same pressures as any couple when it comes to ending their marriage. One of the greatest obstacles faced: co-parenting. Whenever children are involved, you and your spouse have to walk a fine line between what divides you (the reasons you divorced in the first place) and what keeps you together (your children).

You want to make sure that your co-parent stays “fit,” but at the same time, you can’t afford to take any chances. Here are some questions to ask regarding your co-parent’s behavior.

Has your ex recently lost his job? 

While job loss is not necessarily an indicator of bad behavior, it can be a warning sign. The circumstances surrounding the job loss are incredibly relevant to the well-being of your child, to any possible alimony/child support payments, and to the type of environment the child is going in to whenever he or she visits your ex.

Did your ex rush in to a new relationship? 

It’s alarming whenever one partner goes from deciding to file for divorce directly into a new relationship. That demonstrates a lack of stability that can confuse and bewilder your child. While you may feel personally wronged and want revenge for an affair, there could be greater trouble afoot than simply how it affects you. A child has enough trouble processing divorce. He or she does not need the extra confusion of having a third person involved that immediately acts as a “stand-in” for you.

What is your ex’s family like? 

If there is a history of addiction, illegal behavior, and instability in your ex’s closest family members, you cannot afford to give the benefit of the doubt. While his life is no longer your business, how his life affects your child is 110 percent your business as is who he’s allowing to be around your child.

Any recent run-ins with the law? 

Arrests, traffic tickets for reckless endangerment or DUI — these are areas where your ex’s behavior officially become your business when there is a child involved. If there is anything like this in the immediate past, talk to an attorney to see what your options are.

As for amicable divorce, we can help you get started today. Our DIY divorce forms are court-approved and can have you walking through the process in minutes. Let us know how we can help you.

The Dilemma of Divorce and Only Children

 

The prototypical nuclear family used to consist of 2 kids and 2 decimal points of a third child…

Post World War 2 and during the baby boom era, large families were encouraged and an accepted part of the American society. Our culture, from TV shows to advertising was built around the dynamic of the family. As the 1960’s and 70’s came and went, we saw this dynamic drastically change.

Women’s equality had a trickle-down effect that changed more than just work and marriage. The residual effect of a more progressive society has had a direct correlation on how we think of defining a modern family. Within the past 35 years, as of 2004, the amount of only-child families has almost doubled. The U.S. Census Bureau has not kept detailed information about the nature of how or why the number of only-child families has increased, whether by choice or circumstance. There are currently 20 million single-child families in the U.S. The percentage of American women having only one child has more than doubled in 20 years, to almost one quarter. The single-child family is the fastest-growing family in the U.S. As the divorce rates have risen as well in the single child family. what effects does this have on the child? And what can you do to help?

Easing the emotional stress

Any only child will feel grief stricken during the breakup of the family triangle. Along with this emotional schism will be the adaptation to a totally different routine. Only children have no peer or close sibling to lean on. As parents in this situation, there is no clear cut way to best handle the divorce process with only children.  There are ways to help emotionally ease only children that are entering into the sometimes harsh reality of a now fractured close knit family.

Prepare the child

It is often advised that parents break the news to children together rather than one parent doing it separately. This is especially true in the case of only children.  Explaining together that this decision was mutual and a tough one to make will help the child understand that even though separating, the family is all going through this together. Keeping the family in the same room talking about a major decision like this will emphasize that even though there will be a change in living situation, both parents are still equally and fully apart of the child’s life.

Building the predictable routine

Understandably an only child’s routine will go through a period of change and adjustment. The age of the child will dictate the varying degree of emotional adjustments and problems the child may go through. Attempting to add any instances of routine and predictability to these new situations will help ease the child into a new life style, while still keeping the same values as if the parents still lived under one house. Also maintaining certain habits in the only child’s routine will help with a sense of comfort-ability and familiarity.

Be prepared for questions

The individual age and maturity of an only child will dictate the level of questions, but make no mistake children; especially only children will have questions. Taking the time to fully explain and answer your child’s questions can help assuage the fears of the unknown that may be swirling around in the child’s head. There can also be the mistake of only child parents leaning on their children in times like these. Parents can sometimes treat the only children as more of an equal then they should transferring some of their own fears to a child who may not be mature enough to emotional handle a certain level of stress

Families with an only child can often be seem close knit, even if the parents in essence do not have a happy marriage. The potential effects of a divorce on an only child can be more detrimental in only children. The impact of divorces can be seen resonating throughout many different facets of an only child’s life and for years down the road. Being prepared as a parent with an only child can help soften the blow, remember these children do not have an equal counterpart in the family to lean on in situations where they might feel they cannot go to their parents. Older brothers and sisters sometimes substitute as pseudo parents especially for budding adolescents, but only children have only outward experiences and contacts to learn and lean on. Protecting the blow that divorce can cause will help only children remember that even though apart, their parents will always be there for them.

The Future of Marriage: Roles, Contracts, and Divorce

 

Our belief in marriage and its value stems from, for most of us, a very religious background. The hypocritical nature of all the swirling modern facets of marriage has led some to contemplate other options. The rise of divorce, same-sex marriage, and the redefining of traditional roles in a modern relationship only heightens the contradictory and hypocrisy of still trying to define marriage in traditional archaic terms. Pardon the following pop culture reference but it serves as a jumping off point to a more subtle yet possible ground breaking shift that the future of marriage may one day find itself firmly entrenched in.

Contractual Nuptials

Take Katie Holmes and Tom Cruises whole scenario: Marriage, kids, divorce, rumors, etc. A specific rumor recently popping up when talking about their divorce alludes to the very real possibility that Katie Holmes signed a 5 year marriage contract. Forget for a moment the mysterious black spot that is Scientology and whatever that has to do with could and focus on the marriage contract aspect of it. It’s a fact of life that Hollywood celebrities and the rich in general exist under a different code of rules and boundaries then the average middle class family. But the proposition of marriage contracts is not that far fetched.

Marriage contracts, after all are not something conjured up form pure fantasy, we have shadowy forms of agreements that mostly have to do with someone’s possessions and their ownership when entering into a marriage. But along with pre-nuptial agreements, should we be thinking about a paradigm shift in the way marriage is defined and applied? In a realistic sense the idea of a contractual marriage or any other pre-determined agreement about the possible split of a union is not something that should be scoffed at. In New Mexico just last year considered the idea of implementing 2 year renewable marriage contracts, set with defined provisions about the potential splitting of assets and custody of children if there was a divorce. After 2 years if the couple was happy they could renew their marriage contract, if not the contract would simply end. It breaks all our stained glass romantic thinking that has been embedded into the fabric of what we traditionally expect in a partnership with the opposite sex. (Or same sex depending on your sexual preference)

Climate Change?

Consider for a moment the cliff upon which traditional marriage sits upon in this technology driven society. The very definition of marriage and traditional gender roles has been a hotly contested topic for the last decade; and with the social views of society swaying towards more progressive lines of thinking a prognosticator would not be a fool to project the overall legalization of gay marriage is inevitable.

Economic reasons also have a lot to do with the changing in marriage climate. Couples are waiting longer than ever before getting married as the average age for both men and women has hit all-time highs.  28.7 average age of first marriages for men and 26.5 in women. In the same respect there seems to be a growing gap in marriage that is similar to the economic gap in the United States. The more educated and older you are when you marry the more likely you are to stay together. The less educated and earlier that marry are more likely to eventually file for divorce.

So what will become of marriage? We often overreact as a society, taking the needle of the future to the extreme realm of eventual possibilities. More than likely we will continue stagger through the contradictory nature of using historic rules and ideas to define and continually changing faction. Our human emotions would not become any less responsive just because the judicial and legal definition of marriage and how it is experienced is changed. For those on both sides of the fence when it comes to the debate around marriage the battle will be ongoing. To try and change something that crosses over so many aspects of our nature would be met with only more mutinous and heated debates. What is clear is that half of marriages do not work, what is never clear is why we are so always so vehemently resistant to change where it is clearly needed.

Divorce and Children: Everything You Know is Wrong

The effects of divorce on children have been studied for decades. While sociologists and psychologists have produced many findings on the short and long term effects that divorce may have children, many myths and questions still surround these scenarios. Every family is different, with a different dynamic and set of personality traits for each individual situation offers such a vast variety of circumstances.

When it comes to divorce and children no one has a clear cut answer about the absolute affects. The evidence of effects on kids from divorced families is considered a universal fact at this point, but the grey areas of individual effects from certain situations still provides much debate. Some clear myths still persist in defining divorce effects on kids. Let’s take a look at two of the most common.

If parents are happy their children will be happy also

The interesting dichotomy of divorce is the difference in potential happiness between the adults and children. For some parents who have tried to stick it out through hardships for their kids may realize that it is in the best interests for all involved, in the long run, to get divorced. It may be a relief for these parents. Besides a broken emotional marriage in many instances we see mother’s who have raised children and stayed home may go back to school. Some even had professions before kids may want to jump back into the fold. Fathers although traditional family dynamics say this is less likely, the same idea applies. Whatever the logistical or emotional reasons for a divorce it can truthfully be best for both adults involved. However no matter the positives that can come out of a divorce for both adults involved in the decidedly broken relationship the same cannot always be applied to the children in divorced families.

Children, especially younger children will have a tough time adjusting to a divorce, whether they exhibit outwards signs or not. Its unavoidable, the natural fracture of a home life for any child can be a defining part of what their views grow to be about human relationships and interaction. In young kids there are often 2 different reactions. They either become more aggressive to their surrounds or retreat inward. The myth that if parents are happy then so are kids can common be labeled in any situation as a way for the adults to convince themselves that they are doing the right thing.  No matter if this really is true in the long run, the effects a divorce can have on children, especially younger more impressionable ones can be sometimes unpredictable and leave a lasting imprint on the shaping of their personality through adolescence.

The Less animosity and bitterness, the less trauma

No matter how one defines a divorce in terms of “amicable” or not it is still a split. For children it is a schism and change of patterns and routines that will affect every aspect of their life going forward. Obviously minors it will affect more as they will have to adapt to different situations and the younger a child is when divorces happen the more impressionable both socially and psychologically it will be. In any situation with a divorce the more outward fighting and animosity between parents in front of kids, the deeper impact it will have on them. But it is also a false statement to conclude that even though the external animosity was kept at a minimal so also was the negative impact on children.

Believing this idea not only creates a pattern of ignorant behavior in parents, but can do continuous damage in children. Studies have shown that the affects of divorce can surface even 20 years after it has happened. There will always be a slice of animosity between divorced parents, it’s the very nature of almost all divorces, the very fact that they can’t get along. What the parents do have is the chance to both positively influence the child in the time following a divorce, and not in competition with each other.

Judith Wallerstein, who undertook an encompassing look at the affects of divorce began a study in 1970 and published a study in 2000 looking at the affects of divorce in children and what we know has stated that kids aren’t “resilient” and that the effects of divorce can have continuous residual effects in children throughout most of their adult life time. So in truth, unless there is an abundant of physical abuse and violence in a family environment, the effects and impact of a divorce can be long lasting and remain undetected at first.

With so many different studies about divorce floating around it can be confusing to know what to believe. The same can be said about the imminent legal process involving divorce. Laws are specific for each state. Rules and regulations can change on a case by case basis, and knowing what your situation can entail will help relieve some stress in already stressful process. At MyDivorceDocuments we can provide you with the helpful information to know the specifics of your situation and immediately get you started on filing for your divorce. Visit www.mydivorcedocuments.com today and get the helpful information you need.

Divorce Law Explained: the Uniform Interstate Family Support Act

 

Many spouses seeking a divorce have a multitude of questions concerning paperwork, lawyers, fees and a laundry list of other things. When children are involved in the mix, the amount of questions and concerns between spouses increases tenfold. Each state has standard guidelines, rules and stipulations concerning custody and child support. However, when it comes to the matter of children and child support when parents are in different states, the rules change a little. There are a number of different laws and addendum’s that have been put in place to ensure that the rights of the children in these cases are not overlooked.

Uniform Interstate Family Support Act
The UIFSA was put into place to limit the jurisdiction that can properly establish and modify child support orders and address the enforcement of child support obligations within the United States.The act provides a new framework for states to use in collecting child support where the child and the parent reside in different states. It made it easier for state courts to exercise jurisdiction in establishing and collecting child support.

Under the legal definition of the act, support is broad enough to include child support, spousal support, health care, and related costs and attorney fees. More significant, the Act refers to a “tribunal” rather than a court, because its provisions apply to any administrative agency that has the power to establish and enforce child support orders. Many states have child support enforcement agencies with these powers. Each state’s’ Family Law Court will decide who is to rule on matters such as these.

Statewide Implementation

In cases where more than one state is involved in the establishing, enforcing or modifying a child or spousal support order, the Act is implemented to determine the jurisdiction and power of the courts in the each of the states. The Act also establishes which state’s law will be applied in proceedings under the Act. The Act establishes rules requiring every state to defer to child support orders entered by the state courts of the child’s home state.

The Act also provides various direct interstate enforcement mechanisms. This means that, it allows a caretaker parent to have an order mailed to the employer of the obligated parent, which will require that employer to withhold pay for the benefit of the child. Furthermore, it allows the caretaker parent to have an order mailed to an out-of-state court to get the other state to enforce the order. This is only done in severe cases or cases where a parent has failed to pay support for a lengthy period of time.

Child custody and child support laws are some of the strictest and highly enforced. When divorce proceedings take place, these are usually the issues that are highly debated amongst parents. The separation of spouses can sometimes come with an out of state move, for whatever reason. This Act ensures that any child in this circumstance, is protected. The best interest of the child is the priority of the court, no matter which state.

Grandparents: Keep Out!

Divorces often creates a divide when it comes to families and extended families alike. Due to the fact that not all divorces can be amicable and have families fully agree with the situation, and go on living as they did before, divorces can be damaging both mentally and physically sometimes.

Division of families brings the choice of how to go on after the divorce. This is true for everyone directly and indirectly involved. One big decision can change the way in which an entire family lives their lives. Assets are divided, property is distributed, but so too are family members. So many questions are asked, “Do I live with mom or dad?”, “Where do we go for Thanksgiving?” and many more.

One landmark case also changed the face of visitation for extended family forever on June 5th, 2000.

In the case concerning Troxel vs. Granville, the Supreme Court invalidated a Washington State law that allowed third parties to petition for child visitation rights over parental objections. Simply stating that the parents of the children in question were the only ones to decide who could and couldn’t have visitation rights to their children. The Supreme Court said that “the interest of parents in the care, custody, and control of their children is perhaps the oldest of the fundamental liberty interests recognized by this Court,” noting that such petitions are an unconstitutional intrusion into a parent’s right to raise a child as they see fit.

The ruling effectively eliminated grandparents’ visitation rights when parents object to the visitation. This also extended to any other third party directly involved, such as stepparents or other closely tied relatives. The Supreme Court struck down the Washington grandparent visitation statute because it unconstitutionally infringed on the fundamental parental right to raise their children as they see fit.

Due to this case, the law now requires courts to give parents’ decisions concerning whether, when, and how grandparents will associate with their children. Even though Troxel vs. Granville does not define “special weight,” previous Supreme Court precedent indicates that “special weight” is a strong term signifying very considerable deference to any particular person being allowed visitation with children in question.

Parents will ultimately always have the right to govern who their children can see whilst under the age of 18, and rightly so. This ruling only further makes this natural governing all the more legal and final in the eyes of the law. Divorces do unfortunately take their toll on families in a multitude of different ways. Extended family are sometimes just as affected as those directly involved. However, keeping the best interest of all children involved at the forefront of all decisions is something that the courts have done even more so with this ruling.

Strange Divorce Ruling

There have been a number of landmark cases that have set precedents for divorce and divorce laws. However, the majority of those were positive and propelled divorce into the 21st century. This being said, across the world, divorce is still seemingly catching up, and in a few rare cases, falling behind, thanks to the laws that were decreed so long ago before the new age of technology.

One instance of a set back in divorce laws is that of Mr. and Mrs. Prest, a case coming out