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Organization Tips for a Divorce!

Once you have made the final decision to get a divorce, attached are some tips you can do to prepare for a divorce.

1) Take Note

You will need to use your own money for divorce, not your spouses.  You will have to maintain yourself and your children for a while if you are dependent on your spouse and your spouse makes the decision to cut you off support.

You will also probably need funds to hire a lawyer.  If there is anyway to begin a separate account to guard against future financial possibilities, now is the time to do it.  If you need to borrow money from a relative or friend, be sure to sign a promissory note so the court will look at this as a loan that you have to repay and not as a gift.

2) Log a Divorce Calendar

If you are currently using a desk calendar or day planner, you will now need to include your divorce events.  There will be meetings with your lawyer and court deadlines to keep track of.  It may be helpful to keep track of discussions with your spouse.

A divorce Calendar may be used as evidence in your case when your spouse does not keep an appointment or violated an agreement or court order.  Visitation dates with children need to be calendared.  You will also want to keep track of appointments with your children’s teachers, doctors, coaches and tutors.  This may become evidence of your participation in your children’s lives in your divorce.

3) Create a To Do List

Be sure to stay organized and set your priorities straight during the divorce.  This is the easiest way to do it.  List all the items you have to accomplish and mark them off as you go through them.

4) Prepare a Divorce Folder or Binder

A divorce produces a lot of paperwork and may become a storm.  The simplest way to keep track of all these papers is with a three ring binder and a three-hole punch.  Put papers in chronological order and be sure to make an index for your own benefit.

5) Set up a Divorce File

You may prefer to set up individual files for various categories of divorce papers.   Some examples are correspondence with your attorney, drafts of agreements, financial information and pleadings.  Files with brads and a two hole punch will help you keep papers neat and organized.

6) Cut Expenses

If you have debt in your name, like credit cards or student loans, you will want to pay those debts down as much as possible before a divorce.  If your family is like most American families, you have been spending close to your entire income, if not more, and when one household becomes two, there will not be enough money to pay the expenses of both unless something changes.

You may have to cut your current expenses, sell the car and get a less expensive model, or maybe sell the house.  If your spouse does not voluntarily support you and the children, your remedy is to ask the Court to order support.  You will not have a good prediction of any of this and you will not know the answers for sure until the agreement is signed or the judge makes a ruling.  But, the point is to think about it, and identify problems and possible solutions. Then take the actions that you can take and avoid missteps.

7) Stay with a Consistent Routine

It will help if you try to keep things as normal as possible in your life.  Do not skip meals or change sleeping habits.  Positive routines like using you’re to do list and calendar will help you keep focus.  Exercise is always a great way to relieve stress.  Try to maintain friendships and daily routines as normal.

8) Be Constructive

Try to maintain a positive outlook and do not let yourself get involved with unnecessary conflicts with your spouse.  You will need his signature on a settlement agreement before your divorce is over.  You will still be parents together for years after the divorce.

9) Make a Plan

Take it one day at a time.  Focus on the present and not the past.  Try to control only those things within your control.  Many things in a divorce are outside of your control.  Try not to blow those things out of proportion.  Make a plan. Then keep working your plan.  That is how you will take control of your divorce and not let it take control of you.

10) Gather Financial Information

The more you can organize your own financial documents, the more you will reduce your attorney fees and improve your chances of success.  You are going to have to gather and organize a lot of information for your attorney or your case.  A good way of organizing the information you find is a financial statement which can be used as a checklist.

Many courts have a form financial statement available at the court clerk’s office and sometimes online. If you can obtain this form and fill it out, it will help you gather and organize your financial information.  Give it to your lawyer at the first meeting to save time and expense.

11) Do Your Research

It is valuable for you to learn everything you can about divorce early in the process.  If you know little or nothing about the process, you may not make the best decisions or choices.  Most people are uncomfortable with the unknown. You can raise your comfort level and your odds of success by finding out what is going to happen before it happens. The Internet is a convenient way to obtain summary and detailed information about divorce.

Of course there are other ways to research the subject.  You can start your research at a library or bookstore.  There are seminars and support groups.  Talk to friends who have been through divorce.  But, keep in mind that every divorce is different. It’s a good idea to learn about the basics of divorce law in your state early in the process.

With this is mind, if you and your spouse are able to come to an agreement without any hassle you are able to do an online divorce with a do it yourself specific state divorce process.  You can begin this low cost process by simply going to and begin your easy and quick divorce today.

A Few Tips on Divorce!

1.  Safety First

First basic steps are to try and keep yourself and your family safe.  If you are in a situation where safety is an issue, be sure to contact the police and immediately consult with a lawyer.

2. If you are looking to seek full custody of your children do not leave the residence without the kids

If you do not take your children with you when you leave, you may most likely lose the chance of seeking full custody of your kids.

3. Consult with a family law attorney if necessary

If you have made your final decision to divorce then you may want to consult with attorney to get more information on the proper steps to take for the divorce process.  Keep in mind that consulting with an attorney involves legal fees and expenses.  Be sure to ask the attorney immediately on specific charges.

4. Even if your spouse requests that you move out of the family residence, you have the right to stay

Maybe you should suggest that your spouse move out of the residence if she or he wants to be separated so badly.

5. Play Fair

Keeping a civil relationship with your spouse is very important.  Do not go and play games with disconnecting or canceling memberships or accounts.  It is very important to realize the same judicial officer will most likely be presiding over your face from start to finish.  You want that judicial officer to respect you.  If you do not play fair, the judicial officer in your case will remember that you were unreasonable and this may affect determinations of future decisions regarding custody, support, etc.

6. Do not fight over objects that have no real sentimental reasons just because

Unless you are fighting over an heirloom or something that is irreplaceable, ask yourself how much the attorney’s fees and emotional grief will cost you, and determine if it would be less expensive to purchase a new or used item.

7. Documents

At the official meeting with an attorney if you decide to use one you are asked to provide accurate information and documentation.  The faster you obtain this information, the faster they will be able to proceed with your dissolution.  If they are required to obtain documents through formal discovery, it will be expensive.  If you do not have bank records, order them.  If the accountant has your taxes, obtain the copies and get them to to the attorney’s office.

8.  Acknowledge your feelings / Consider Counseling

Divorce can be a very difficult time.  Be sure to acknowledge this fact.  If you find that your decisions regarding custody and visitation and/or property division are made out of anger, try and seek some counseling immediately.  The quicker you handle your emotions, the faster you will be healthy and can be a better parent and person.
9. Photograph your possessions

If you fear that your spouse may take your possessions, photograph them to show their condition and value.

Attached were just a few tips for you to know going into a divorce.  Now if you and your spouse are able to come to an agreement and make decision together then hiring an attorney is unnecessary.  Today most divorcing couples are taking the opportunity to do there own divorce.  You can find out more information by simply going to to begin your low cost do it yourself online divorce today.

FAQ on a Divorce!

Do I need to hire an Attorney?

Hiring an Attorney is not mandatory.  You are able to represent yourself. However, given the complex of all the issues that can occur, it would help with hiring a lawyer who is familiar with the law and experience.

How is the divorce commenced?

An action for divorce is commenced by the personal service of a summons upon your spouse.  Sometimes, the summons is accompanied by the complaint which sets forth the grounds for the divorce.

What are the grounds for divorce?

In some states, there are six grounds for divorce.  Of the six grounds, four of them are based on the “fault” of one of the parties. They are:

  1. cruel and inhuman treatment
  2. abandonment for one or more years
  3. imprisonment for three or more years
  4. adultery.

Living apart for one year under a separation judgment granted by a Court or under a separation agreement signed by the parties are the two grounds that are not fault based.

Can I receive child support or maintenance before I am divorced?

Yes. You can make a motion requesting that the Court grant you temporary maintenance and/or child support.  If ordered to pay, your spouse will be required to you these sums during the action for divorce.  Keep in mind that every divorce is unique in its own way.

I cannot afford a lawyer.  What should I do?

In addition to ordering your spouse to pay you maintenance or child support during the divorce, the court could require your spouse to pay your attorney and any experts you may need to hire.

Will marital fault impact on my rights to a property settlement?

Generally, marital fault does not impact on the economic issues of the divorce.  However, there are exceptions, particularly when one spouse is found to have wasted marital assets.

How quickly can I be divorced?

There is no way to predict how long it will take to obtain a divorce.  The time it takes to obtain a divorce differs from case to case and is solely dependent upon the extent to which the divorce and any of the related issues are contested.

If the divorce is not contested (that is, both spouses agree to the divorce and have worked out all issues relating to the division of marital assets, child custody and support), the divorce can be processed by the Court and granted quite quickly.

Can my spouse and I retain the same attorney?

No.  Divorce, even when uncontested, is an adversarial process.  You and your spouse have conflicting interests. Since an attorney could only represent one of your interests, it would be improper and unethical for an attorney to represent both spouses.

How much will a divorce cost?

The cost of the divorce is directly related to the complexity of the case and to the extent to which the issues are contested.  An uncontested divorce will obviously cost much less than a divorce where, for example, there exist hotly contested issues as to child custody or the division of marital assets.

An attorney will generally require the payment of a retainer at the outset of the representation.  You can expect to be billed on an hourly basis for work performed in the course of the representation. If the initial retainer was insufficient to cover all the legal fees and costs, you will receive periodic invoices, which you are expected to pay promptly.

In addition to paying your attorney, you will be responsible to pay court filing fees and the other costs incurred in the course of the divorce.

What if my spouse does not consent to a divorce?
Even if your spouse does not want a divorce, you may still be able to obtain one; your spouse cannot force your to remain married. In a contested divorce, you will be forced to prove, at trial, that the grounds for the divorce are true. If you can prove your case, you will be granted at divorce. On the other hand, if you fail to establish grounds for divorce, then your divorce will be denied.

Is there always a trial?

No.  A lot of cases are able to settle.  While it may appear at the commencement of your case that the divorce will be contested and that you will be forced to go to trial that it is seldom the case.  It generally takes some time for the parties to work out all the details of the divorce.  Often with the aid of the parties attorneys and the intervention of the court, the parties are able to work out their differences and, ultimately, settle the divorce.

Will the Court papers in my divorce become public records which anyone can read?

No.  By law, in order to protect the parties privacy, the courts limit access to papers in matrimonial cases to court personnel, the parties and their attorneys.

Now that you are a bit familiar on what to expect during your divorce you can simply begin your divorce process now.  Simply go to and start your low cost no-attorney specific state divorce process now.

What is the Difference between an Absolute & Limited Divorce?

A limited divorce is a legal action in which the court supervises a couple’s separation.  It is generally used by people who:

  • Do not yet have grounds for an absolute divorce
  • Need financial relief
  • Are unable to settle their differences without an attorney

During a limited divorce, the parties are to live apart.  However, they remain legally married but separated.

  • Although the parties are still married, neither party has the right to have sexual relations with the other spouse.
  • In addition, neither spouse may remarry, nor sexual relations with another person during a limited divorce and is considered adultery.

The court determines which party is at fault, if either is at fault.  The court may grant support to one spouse based on the particular situation.

The limited divorce can also resolve questions of:

  • Child custody
  • Child support
  • Health insurance coverage and
  • Division of personal and real property

If spousal support is not required and there is no property to divide, there is generally no need for a limited divorce.

If one spouse dies after a limited divorce the other spouse may still inherit property.  Also the form of ownership for any property you own as husband and wife will stay the same.

Grounds for a Limited Divorce

To obtain a limited divorce, you must first prove at least one of four grounds.  These grounds include the following:

  • Cruelty of treatment
  • Physically or mentally abused
  • Abandonment
  • Mutual and voluntary separation

The more frequently used ground is desertion.  There are two types of desertion, actual and constructive.

  • Actual desertion is where one party unjustifiably abandons the other or actually kicks out the other spouse from the home.
  • Constructive desertion is where one party is forced to leave the home because of the misconduct of the other.

There is no certain amount of time needed to prove desertion in a limited divorce.  Any reasonable time period will justify the action.

Also, a spouse may obtain a limited divorce where one spouse engages in cruelty of treatment or excessively vicious conduct toward the other spouse or a minor child of the party who is filing for a limited divorce.  A victimized spouse who leaves the marital home because of some type of abuse also has a legal action for a limited divorce on the grounds of constructive desertion, as well as a justifiable defense to an abusing spouse’s claim of desertion.

On this note, if you and your spouse are able to come to an agreement without an attorney you are able to use the do it yourself divorce.  Not only will a DIY divorce save you money but it will also give you the peace of mind that you are waiting for so you can begin your new life today.  Simply go to and download your specific state forms and kit now.

Children are Real Victims in Divorce Battle Royales

Often overlooked in an ugly, prolonged Court and Attorney driven divorce is the emotional costs inflicted on the children. The routine of having a mom and dad at home for emotional support becomes a domestic nightmare when the child’s support system not only becomes fractured-but the two anchors in a child’s life file for divorce and are soon to become bitter enemies. Engrossed in their own personal battles, some parents overlook the needs of their children spiritually, emotionally, and financially and never think about the practicality of a quick divorce. The decision to file for divorce practically conjures images of LA Law type courtroom scenes. From the time the initial divorce papers are filed the entire process can take from as little as a few months if lucky to as long as several years…if the divorce lawyer is lucky.

It’s the emotional instability of the parents in a crucial moment of time when a quick divorce driven on amicability and what’s best for all parties involved becomes a long, bitter drawn out court driven affair seemingly benefiting only the attorneys and myriads of other lawyers, paralegals, and court staff typically involved.

Making matter worse at the end of the ordeal is the child is sometimes given the choice of which parent he or she would like to stay with. It’s not too much different then the movie Sophie’s Choice where there is, and never will be a clear cut, easy solution to satisfy all. Sadly, the last 50 years this type of activity has become commonplace and normal. Some statistics show the current divorce rate in America is 41%.

Divorce is never an easy process, but provided the adults act like adults and can keep a rational amicability in an otherwise emotionally fraught situation; a no fault uncontested divorce can make a tough time palatable and even help to keep a close familial bond. Think about this for a moment, a child’s last memory of his parents being together comprised of court room accusations, heated words, and dwindling bank accounts and an overwhelming sense of uncertainty versus that of parents reaching a
mutually beneficial solution

all the while reinforcing that though change is inevitable, that mom and dad did the right thing to benefit the children and oftentimes garner an extra layer of respect for each other. Given both scenarios-the decision is simple.

There are several ways today to file for divorce in this rational manner that can prevent a messy, long termed divorce. Downloadable Online Divorce Forms and Online Divorce Kits can simplify and bring an ease to an other wise difficult situation. While the thought at first of Online Divorce may seem absurd; a few years ago online dating carried a certain stigma as well while today its commonplace and websites like are experience record hits and impressions on search engines. Its a safe bet to assume that with the passage of time and as the general public begins to acclimate to the relative ease of Do It YourSelf style services that uncontested divorce will soon be as commonplace as amazon or google.

It is with this philosophy that websites like MyDivorceDocuments.Com and EasyAgreements.Com will soon become the standard for legally binding documents that will take the nasty battle element from divorce, and put the harmony and goodwill of familial stability into a tangible alternative for our children.

The Male Perspective of Divorce

Divorce can be ugly and it doesn’t take Freud to unveil the facts. A married couple who at one point had the assumption that as life partners they would grow old together decide to go separate ways, there is resentment, hatred and a fury of mixed emotions which makes “irreconcilable differences” seem far too gentle of phrase. While there have been plenty of articles, blogs, websites, and LifeTime Network movies made for divorced women focused on handling depression and other negative effects of divorce; Hardly any attention gets shined on men’s reactions to divorce. examines the issue.

As of 2008 there was an estimate that close to 40% of marriages ended in divorce. The stats for second marriages are even less impressive. And while we are led to believe that most men are at fault for divorce for not showing enough affection at best and abuse at worst-no one disputes that divorce is hard on everyone. Most men can ponder what will happen in terms of child support and custody laws but once the ruling is made, most men can begrudgingly accepts it.

In general, men are defined by more than just their status in a marriage. A lifelong bachelor with a successful career never gets castigated of question yet an older woman in similar circumstances gets branded a spinster. A man who doesn’t want children isn’t looked at it in the same light as woman. A man can get judged by his job, his car, his hobbies and ironically men are effected more by employment status then marital status. If a man can pay the child support and have more time to golf-he probably isn’t going to think the divorce process a bad decision.

In stark contrast; men do not suffer the depression women do and tend to be far more impacted by employment status. Yet post divorce studies show an amazing statistic in that a woman’s standard of living drops by 73% while the man’s standard of living increases by 42%. It’s going to get a whole lot better soon. Probably a good thing that most men do not know this stat as I am sure many men on the marital fence would probably have visited yesterday. But once again; the pull of providing for spouse and children is a powerful and compelling reason to stay and given that men typically won’t research divorce law or child support laws there tends to be a blind eye cast to the subtle nuance of divorce law.

Lets examine it-a man gets divorced. Now what? He still has his job, friends, business associates and a social support system that he probably lamented not being able to spend more time with. Since Time and Memorium men have been raised to be the Hunters, Breadwinners, builders, police and fireman rolled into one; knowing the ins and outs of Divorce Law take a backseat to the needs of the family.

Studies show that men suffer disproportionate health effects on a far higher scale for employment factors then marital factors while the stats for woman are quite the opposite. The facts are no one looks eagerly towards divorce and very few men endure the divorce process unscathed. It is however time to admit that emotional factors and baggage due to divorce isn’t always solely reserved for women.

File For Divorce Online; An Idea Whose Time has Come


Back in the day, the idea of divorcing your spouse was a challenge and invariably lead to rumors or innuendos that one spouse must have committed some grounds of divorce as as unspeakable, unsavory or sordid act like committing adultery, spousal abuse or emotional abuse and utilize these as leverage on the assumption they would serve as ammo or the necessary needed proof that your spouse had acted improperly and thus be granted a divorce. Think about that-two adults who wished to make the split almost being forced to attack the other simply to earn the right of being freed of matrimony.

Fortunately, those days are behind us divorcing your spouse is much easier. Most couples can simply divorce sans courthouse using the downloadable divorce kit without the stigma and horror of having you and your family forced to ride the roller coaster of divorce court and the possibility of children having to listen to mom and dads lawyers making each of their parents out to be horrible people. With the theatrics and working knowledge of the courts and the divorce process some lawyers are very adept at stretching a court case out far longer then it other wise would need to be.

If there are children involved-avoiding the courtroom altogether is the best decision possible as it considers the feelings of children and avoids the high probability of humiliation and trauma of sitting and listening hearing about mom or dads worse personal traits paraded through the court.
All states nowadays allow for “no fault”, “no contest”, or uncontested divorce which essentially means that both spouses can agree on the terms of a divorce and amicably work out their own settlement. Considered in this process is the sorting out of assets and loans, cars and houses, child custody, alimony etc etc.

With the notion of a long term courtship or knowing your soul mate after 10 minutes becoming far less frequent- we have seen a distinct rise in couples who are either getting married far too young or simply getting married after a very short time after meeting. As much as we smirk and snicker at the idea of a downloadable divorce kit; A “no contest’” divorce also has the benefit in that a couple can simply decide to split without having to give a reason.

And without question in almost all instances an uncontested divorce kit will surely avoid attorneys, lawyers, and court rooms which also equates to a “no contest” divorce being far more cost effective. Basically seeing both spouses work out the details by themselves to the benefit off all parties involved in an adult, rational decision.

Physical Custody Issues with DIY Divorce

Physical custody section is made up of several activities and events all having do with the actual time lines in which each parent takes and acts as sole guardian of their children at a prearranged, predetermined date as agreed upon by the spouses.

Don’t Divorce Me! Kids’ Rules For Parents On Divorce


Divorces can be messy, and when children are involved, especially those under the age of 5, it can become even messier to say the least. Before filing for divorce, parents typically struggle to find a happy medium in order to decide what’s best for their children in times of dissolution. Sometimes the children are the ones that have the answers, no matter how young.

In a new HBO documentary entitled, Don’t Divorce Me! Kids’ Rules For Parents On Divorce, produced by Rosie O’Donnell, kids give off the cuff and uncanny divorce advice to their parents, all of whom are in the divorce process or have recently gone through a divorce. By combining candid interviews, drawings, songs and photos, this insightful film gives kids a chance to share poignant stories of how divorce has impacted their lives, and offer helpful advice to their parents. The film is scheduled to air on September, 20th at  6:30pm.

The film is unique in that it’s a first in seeing, hearing and trying to understand divorce from the side of the children, who unfortunately often get left in the dark on most of the “adult” decisions being made. Divorce affects children in a number of ways, especially those children who are young and still developing mentally. The children who are interviewed vary in age from five to ten years old, giving the film a broad spectrum of knowledge and understanding on the situation, as well as varying responses to the same questions. These young children tell their stories to remind parents that divorce and the resulting splitting of time, home and family is hard on them, but there are ways to make things better.

It’s so easy to forget that divorce affects so many people in so many different ways. If we learn anything from this film and the unbiased pure remarks from the children involved, it’s that approaching the situation with poise, calm and respect is the key.

Divorce is no walk in the park and so why not do all you can as an adult to make the situation as smooth and stress free as possible? The film also explores different ways in which parents can come to mutual agreements on things like child custody and support, money, houses and other assets. Take a different approach to divorce, for years, children have been left in the dark and out in the cold. Do not take their youth for granted, many children are astute to the ongoings of adult relationships, and can sometimes offer the best words of wisdom and reason. If anything, this movie should open your eyes and make you ask yourself, “am I handling this situation to the best of my ability, and am I thinking of my children in the process?”

The Dilemma of Divorce and Only Children


The prototypical nuclear family used to consist of 2 kids and 2 decimal points of a third child…

Post World War 2 and during the baby boom era, large families were encouraged and an accepted part of the American society. Our culture, from TV shows to advertising was built around the dynamic of the family. As the 1960’s and 70’s came and went, we saw this dynamic drastically change.

Women’s equality had a trickle-down effect that changed more than just work and marriage. The residual effect of a more progressive society has had a direct correlation on how we think of defining a modern family. Within the past 35 years, as of 2004, the amount of only-child families has almost doubled. The U.S. Census Bureau has not kept detailed information about the nature of how or why the number of only-child families has increased, whether by choice or circumstance. There are currently 20 million single-child families in the U.S. The percentage of American women having only one child has more than doubled in 20 years, to almost one quarter. The single-child family is the fastest-growing family in the U.S. As the divorce rates have risen as well in the single child family. what effects does this have on the child? And what can you do to help?

Easing the emotional stress

Any only child will feel grief stricken during the breakup of the family triangle. Along with this emotional schism will be the adaptation to a totally different routine. Only children have no peer or close sibling to lean on. As parents in this situation, there is no clear cut way to best handle the divorce process with only children.  There are ways to help emotionally ease only children that are entering into the sometimes harsh reality of a now fractured close knit family.

Prepare the child

It is often advised that parents break the news to children together rather than one parent doing it separately. This is especially true in the case of only children.  Explaining together that this decision was mutual and a tough one to make will help the child understand that even though separating, the family is all going through this together. Keeping the family in the same room talking about a major decision like this will emphasize that even though there will be a change in living situation, both parents are still equally and fully apart of the child’s life.

Building the predictable routine

Understandably an only child’s routine will go through a period of change and adjustment. The age of the child will dictate the varying degree of emotional adjustments and problems the child may go through. Attempting to add any instances of routine and predictability to these new situations will help ease the child into a new life style, while still keeping the same values as if the parents still lived under one house. Also maintaining certain habits in the only child’s routine will help with a sense of comfort-ability and familiarity.

Be prepared for questions

The individual age and maturity of an only child will dictate the level of questions, but make no mistake children; especially only children will have questions. Taking the time to fully explain and answer your child’s questions can help assuage the fears of the unknown that may be swirling around in the child’s head. There can also be the mistake of only child parents leaning on their children in times like these. Parents can sometimes treat the only children as more of an equal then they should transferring some of their own fears to a child who may not be mature enough to emotional handle a certain level of stress

Families with an only child can often be seem close knit, even if the parents in essence do not have a happy marriage. The potential effects of a divorce on an only child can be more detrimental in only children. The impact of divorces can be seen resonating throughout many different facets of an only child’s life and for years down the road. Being prepared as a parent with an only child can help soften the blow, remember these children do not have an equal counterpart in the family to lean on in situations where they might feel they cannot go to their parents. Older brothers and sisters sometimes substitute as pseudo parents especially for budding adolescents, but only children have only outward experiences and contacts to learn and lean on. Protecting the blow that divorce can cause will help only children remember that even though apart, their parents will always be there for them.