Category : Divorce Issues

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Getting A Divorce: How To Break It To Your Co-Workers

When you’re an online divorce review site, you understandably get a lot of traffic from people on the cusp of ending their marriages. This being a time when you’re dealing with a lot of uncertainty, one question that can frequently come up after you’ve broken the news to family and friends is this: How do I tell my workplace? A recent Reddit thread sought answers on just that. Here were some of our favorite responses:

1. Every time someone mentions your wife, correct them. This is the simplest way to do it without making a big deal about it. If they ask what happened, just say you’d rather not talk about it and prefer to just move forward with your life.

2. I just told a few of my work friends, knowing the rumor mill would take care of the rest.

3. I had this problem, but with the people in my town since I’m active in my children’s school and extracurricular activities. I finally said to one woman who I knew to be popular, to just spread the word. After that I didn’t have to break it to each unsuspecting person who didn’t know. Much easier on me too.

4. I just changed my last name back to my “real” name a week or so ago. It was pretty obvious because my married name was a lot shorter, and my name appears in emails and in-house chat system. Some people have been like “Whuuuut!?” but most people kinda got the idea. It may help to let a couple people you’re friendly with know, and sort of let the office gossip machine catch up that way.

The Most Important Thing To Remember

While there is agreement in the idea of telling a few trusted sources and letting the rumor mill take care of the rest, realize this. There is no right or wrong way to do it until you’ve decided what you can handle emotionally. It will come out eventually, but in the beginning stages, you can usually control the dialogue, and that’s important if you’re still raw over the breakup.

But the most important thing to remember is that no one can make you talk about it until you’re ready, and if they try to overstep their bounds, you’re justified in sticking up for yourself. Getting nosy with someone’s personal relationship deserves a reprimand if you have to give it. Just don’t let someone force you to divulge feelings you’re not ready to share.

If you’re on the verge of filing but aren’t sure what your next step should be, be sure to read some of our online divorce reviews to research your options.

Two Ways Your Marriage May Be Falling Apart

When you run an online divorce review site, you come to find out that the majority of readers are past the point of no return with their marriages. As such, it becomes easier to notice certain recurring characteristics that highlight a marriage on the rocks. One of the most difficult areas for any marriage is that of staying unified as things grow more complicated. And nothing complicates a marriage more than arguments and parenting styles.

Arguing Inappropriately

Most couples look at fighting as a bad thing, but that’s only the case if you do it in unhealthy ways. If things get physically or emotionally abusive, or one or both of you always feels the need to drag your family into it, you’re not arguing appropriately. It can be rather difficult to reach a resolution as a couple and edify your relationship if either of you are guilty of behaviors like this. Likewise, you must present a unified front when it comes to:

Parenting Styles

You may disagree on approach, but one thing neither of you must do when disciplining your children is take sides against your spouse. You have to be a unified front, provided that there is no abuse involved. If you must take the matter up with your spouse, do it in private. Never, ever in front of the child. This gives them the opportunity to work one of you against the other, and it hints at a deep-seated crack in the foundation of your marriage because it illustrates a lack of respect for one another.

Unity is a difficult concept, even after you’ve said your I do’s. That’s because the storms of life don’t set in immediately. It takes time getting to know someone, and, especially on your first, marriage can be difficult to figure out on its own. It’s completely different from being in a relationship and retiring to separate homes or apartments every night. In many ways, you have to think together and act together, and there is a learning curve to it all.

If you’ve given it everything you’ve got but feel divorce is the only answer, we invite you to take a look around and read some of our online divorce reviews to see which sites can help you with a headache-free divorce. Best of luck, whatever you decide!

Why It’s Okay To Be Divorced And Single

While our online divorce review site largely specializes in hooking you up with the best forms completion and attorney referral services on the web, we also know what it’s like to carry the stigma of “divorced” around with you shortly after the papers have been finalized. Being newly single is a blessing for some, but more often than not, it feels like you have to explain your situation to everyone with whom it comes up.

That’s no fun.

However, being divorced and newly single is actually a good thing because of the following factors.

1. It gives you a chance to reevaluate your ‘type.’ 

Everyone has a “type,” and while it may be something as simple as preferring brunettes to blondes or vice versa, it isn’t always the best of ideas to continually pursue the same kind of person you always have. After all, people change over time, and the toxic differences between you and your ex can continue to manifest themselves in new relationships. When you are divorced and newly single, you can reevaluate all of this and start taking dating chances on new types of people and personalities. In fact, it’s best that you do go in an opposite direction.

2. It gives you a chance to enjoy the silence.

At first, silence after a divorce may be scary. In time, however, it is your friend. And many times, it doesn’t take as long as you think to become an asset instead of a liability. By not having someone there constantly in the picture, you learn to listen to what your own thoughts are telling you. You learn to be you again, but only a new, improved version of you.

3. It affords you the opportunity to get your affairs in order.

Divorce can leave you feeling financially out of whack. After all, there’s the settlement to worry about along with a new budget and a new set of expectations. Being single gives you less to worry about. It gives you time to see where your discretionary income is coming from, how much of it there will be, and whether it will help you live a more prosperous life than before or not. (Usually, you end up with MORE money not having to worry about another person’s financial behaviors.) This process of getting your affairs in order — financial and otherwise — enables you to plan the kind of future that you envision and respond accordingly.

There are many more advantages to being divorced and newly single, but if you’ve yet to take the next step of actually getting a divorce, allow our online divorce reviews to guide you through the challenges ahead.

6 Musts For Communicating With Your Spouse About The Hard Stuff

As an online divorce review site, we’re about helping couples at the end of the proverbial rope to find a reasonable, affordable, and comforting solution to their marital problems. Often times, the only answer is divorce, but sometimes there is still hope. 

It all hinges on communication. 

With that said, we recently came across Huffington Post contributor Darryl Cobbin’s tips for better communication in a marriage. These are worth listening to: 

1) Plan: Schedule the proper time to talk about difficult topics; don’t just launch into it without warning.

2) Stay Open: Don’t go in to the discussion tied to one rigid outcome. Keep an open mind and a willingness to change your thinking if necessary.

3) Pause: Pull the plug on your discussion if it starts to get too heated. “Argument mode,” as Cobbin calls it, ensures that one or both spouses will leave the discussion feeling defeated rather than resolved. 

4) Acknowledge: You want to be heard, and so does your spouse. Therefore, acknowledge what they’re saying. It isn’t about faking agreement; it’s about showing that you’re listening and, more importantly, considering what the other person has to say.

5) Be Curious: Focus on the “why” behind what your spouse is feeling or believing. Seek to learn their point of view. If you do so, then even if you still disagree, you’ll walk out of the communication feeling more accomplished and less emotional.

6) Agreement: Find a solution you can both live with. Sometimes you may acquiesce to the other person’s viewpoint. Sometimes they may acquiesce to yours. Ideally, you’ll both find a solution that is a fair compromise when it needs to be. But do keep in mind that sometimes you’re right and they’re wrong, and vice versa.

While we offer online divorce reviews to some of the most helpful sites on the Internet for ending your marriage peacefully and equitably, we don’t desire to see anyone get a divorce. That’s why we hope that you both will commit to a pattern of healthy communication before making a final decision. Good luck!

What Do Kids Want From Their Parents More Than Anything?

As an online divorce review service, we take great interest in anything that pertains to families who are struggling with the realities of divorce. One of the biggest sticking points for most divorced people — or future divorced people — is what to do with the kids.

So many parents want to be extra nice to their children during this time, and bestow more and more attention, almost to the point of overcompensation, when there is one thing they should really consider doing that could make the biggest difference. 

What Kids Really Want

In Dr. Mark Goulston’s recent newsletter, he wrote: “A majority of teenagers, when asked if they had the choice between their parents being nicer to them or more loving towards each other, will pick the latter. The animosity between parents is very painful to their children.” 

While that’s not to say that children don’t appreciate the extra effort their parents make toward them, it’s pretty clear that the easiest way to “transition” a kid through divorce is to keep things civil and low-conflict between each other. 

The more that Mom and Dad fight, the unhappier their children will be, regardless of what the parent-child dynamic is. 

So What Should Parents Who Don’t Like Each Other Do?

The first thing you can do is, together, realize that whatever differences exist between you will affect your children. That’s not to say you have to force friendship with one another, but it does indicate that you should rethink how you interact with and about one another. In other words, get along. Stop making mention of the other parent an opportunity to jump on your soapbox. Realize your child is half of both of you. Insulting the other parent is like insulting them. Instead of going that route, try to keep conflicts to a minimum, respect each other’s time, and work hard to show that spirit of cooperation to your kids. 

In Summary

If you feel like the relationship you have with your spouse is too contentious for the good of your children, then consider working together to complete an uncontested divorce. Our online divorce reviews can guide you to the sites that work best for your needs. Let us get you started today.

Genes Can Increase Happiness Or Misery In A Marriage [Study]

Our online divorce review site is about more than just helping you learn how to file for divorce. We’re also fascinated by new research in the field of divorce studies, and this release from scientists at Chicago’s Northwestern University and the University of California, Berkeley, has us fascinated.

According to the findings, DNA determines, in part, how happy you’ll be in your marriage.

“An enduring mystery is, what makes one spouse so attuned to the emotional climate in a marriage, and another so oblivious?” said UC Berkeley psychologist Robert W. Levenson. “With these new genetic findings, we now understand much more about what determines just how important emotions are for different people.”

Meet The 5-HTTLPR Gene

In the study, researchers looked at the genotypes of more than 100 spouses and observed interaction with their partners.

The 5-HTTLPR gene was found to be a factor showing how much emotions affect a relationship, researchers stated.

Every human inherits 5-HTTLPR, involved in the regulation of serotonin, from their parents. According to the results, married study subjects with two short 5-HTTLPR genes were most unhappy in their relationships when negativity (i.e. anger and contempt) were introduced and happiest when surrounded by positivity (i.e. humor and affection).

Individuals with two long versions of the gene weren’t “overly bothered” with the emotional variations in a marriage.

“We are always trying to understand the recipe for a good relationship … and emotion keeps coming up as an important ingredient,” Levenson said, adding that research suggests people with two short 5-HTTLPR genes are more likely to thrive in a good relationship and suffer in a bad one.

Researchers clarified, however, that the variations of the 5-HTTLPR gene do not necessarily mean short and long gene holders will be a bad match — just that they will be more affected by emotion.

You Can’t Control Your Genes

Unfortunately, we’re born with the genes we have, and we’ve got to make due with that. But the next time you feel either incredibly happy or incredibly sad, and you can’t understand why your partner is not your emotional mirror image, don’t take it as a cue to file for divorce. It could just be the programming. If you’re ready to file and aren’t sure what comes next, though, check out our online divorce reviews for further assistance.

Is it Possible for a Man to get a Cheap Divorce?

This is the one million dollar question for men, and it is not always about the money.

As we all know, most divorce attorneys only care about themselves and their hourly rates.  This usually causes a divorce to drag out for a long period of time.  Depending on where you live, there are some very good alternatives.

If you have $15,000 to $25,000 to throw away, well then take the conventional route and get yourself an attorney.  But, are there other options?  You bet.  So most of your money does not go to an attorney, here are some different choices on how to seek a cheap divorce.

  • Using a good Mediator is a way to spend about one third of the regular cost of a divorce.  A mediator can decrease the cost of a divorce although it will still cost you a good amount of money.  If you have the funds and do not know your divorce rights, this is a route to take.
  • In most cases checking in with your county clerk’s office is another good way to receive information on how to file for  a divorce or how to file for a legal separation until you and your spouse decide what kind of action you will take.  If your assets are high, this may not be a sensible route to take.  If you are a regular Jo blow, the county clerk will lead you in the right direction to obtaining a cheap divorce.  Remember, you are dealing with a government office so don’t expect friendly smiles and courteous assistance.  However,these are your rights.
  • Depending on your state and your situation, there are Online Divorce Kits and divorce websites that assist you in obtaining the correct divorce forms.  Make sure you do some research and that you use a reputable site with customer service such as www.mydivorcedocuments.com.
  • Divorce Un-bundling.  This allows you and your spouse to maintain control and make decisions on ending the marriage on your own without the help of a neutral third party assisting you.  This includes the filing of any legal forms.  Again, I recommend you research this topic carefully.
  • In just about any state, you can hire a paralegal that will assist you in preparing the documentation necessary to file for a divorce at a much cheaper rate than an attorney.   Using a paralegal is useful when you and your spouse can agree on terms of the divorce.  But if that is already the case, why do you need a paralegal?  Right?
  • A divorce attorney is an option you have if you can afford to pay for your divorce and possibly pay for your spouses’ attorney as well.  An attorney is also good to have if you have large assets, you know your wife is going to play hardball and if you probably don’t want much contact with her.  If an attorney is absolutely necessary, save yourself some money by doing as much work as you can on your own, ask what you can do to save billable hours and explain you do not want to spend much time and money on your divorce.  A good attorney will assist you on this request.

It is not necessary to waste a lot of money on an attorney.  If you can communicate with your spouse and take the time to figure out what you both want, using a cheaper method for a divorce is very possible.  Remember to go online and look for divorce forms already available at www.mydivorcedocuments.com

Rights of My Property During a Divorce!

Division of property is usually part of the divorce process.

Here are some legal terms and concepts that are good to know when speaking to an attorney.

Before speaking to an attorney, it is helpful to become familiar with a few legal concepts and legal terms such as:

  • Division of Property
  • Community Property
  • Separate Property
  • Equitable Distribution.

People should consult a family law attorney early in the divorce process as this may preserve an individual’s financial well being. Keep note that this article does not constitute legal advice.

While internet research is helpful, everyone should understand that each state has different divorce laws and legal terms.. There are, however, basic similarities in divorces, and though the terminology may be different, the basic principles in the divorce process are relatively uniform.

Division of Property

In simple terms, community property can be thought of as “all property and profits acquired during marriage.  Yet, there are other factors which can affect whether or not something really is community property.

In a short-term marriage, with no children and little community property, it can often be easy to obtain a quick divorce.

However, long-term marriages can often bring more complex issues into the divorce, such as:

  • Personal Property (jewelry, clothing, cars, and other things)
  • Real estate
  • Children
  • Businesses
  • Large or concealed debts
  • Trust funds
  • Investments
  • Pensions
  • Joint and separate accounts

In complex situations, a husband and wife may be unable to agree upon a division of assets without the help of a divorce specialist who deals with these issues on a daily basis.

Equitable Distribution of Community Property

Equitable distribution means a “fair” distribution.  Many states start with the presumption that “equitable means equal” but “other factors may contribute to an unequal distribution that is still considered equitable.

Though every state has their own divorce laws, many states consider factors like the following when making a fair division of community property assets:

  • How many years the couple has been married
  • Prenuptial agreements
  • Ability of each person (usually the wife) to earn their own living after the divorce
  • Age and health
  • What each person has contributed to the marriage
  • Tax consequences of the division
  • Debts and liabilities

There are many other considerations that may affect distribution.

Separate Property

What is separate property? Separate property is any asset that is owned by just one spouse and is usually not divided between the spouses during the divorce process.

Sometimes, separate property becomes co-owned and might be considered community property.  Divorce lawyers will be able to explain these special circumstances.

Few Examples of Separate Property:

  • Gift or Inheritance given to one spouse
  • Personal injury settlements given to one spouse
  • Things that were owned by one spouse before the marriage, such as a business, a home, or a pension
  • Property purchased during the marriage by one spouse with their own (separate) money

When large assets, debts, or children are involved, it is important that each spouse has their own attorney to represent their interests.

Other Division of Property Issues

Division of property involves the distribution of money and other assets associated with the time span of the marriage.

Here are some of the other issues that must be settled during the divorce process, but are related to life after divorce:

  • Alimony or spousal support
  • Child custody and visitation
  • Child support payments

It is important for each spouse to retain a rational and businesslike temperament throughout the divorce process. There are always many compromises which must be made on the part of both the husband and the wife.

Understanding some of the terms and concepts associated with division of assets may make the divorce process easier for everyone.

Keep in mind if you and your spouse are able to have an amicable divorce and can come to an agreement on your own.  I highly recommend you visit www.mydivorcedocuments.com and download a low-cost specific state do it yourself kit and forms.

Know your Facts of a Divorce!

Divorce is very painful and can be an extremely difficult process.  Knowing how divorce laws function and understanding the court’s role in a divorce can help to make this transition smoother and easier.

Divorce laws govern the dissolution of a marriage.  Every country has its own laws regarding divorce and, in fact, divorce laws can vary from state to state or province to province within a nation.  Knowing your jurisdiction’s divorce laws can keep a bad situation from becoming worse, and save you future turmoil.

In the United States, divorce laws, in general, provide two basic forms of divorce: fault and no-fault divorce.  However, even in some jurisdictions whose divorce laws do not require a party to claim fault of their partner, a court may still take into account the behavior of the parties when dividing property, debts, evaluating custody, and support.

In a no-fault divorce, the dissolution of a marriage does not require a reason or proof of fault of either party.  Forty-nine states have adopted no-fault divorce laws, with grounds for divorce including incompatibility, irreconcilable differences, and irremediable breakdown of the marriage.  New York is the sole exception divorce laws there still require a proof of fault.

Studies show that about 95 percent of divorces in the United States are “uncontested,” because the two parties are able to work out an arrangement concerning property, debt, children and support issues.  When the parties can agree and present the court with a fair and equitable agreement, approval of the divorce is almost guaranteed.  If the parties can’t work out their differences, divorce laws govern the fair and equitable disposition of these issues.

Divorce laws generally recognize two types of property during property division proceedings – marital property and separate property.  Marital property consists of property that the spouses acquire individually or jointly during the course of marriage.  Under divorce laws, separate property represents any property that one spouse purchased and possessed prior to the marriage and that did not substantially change in value during the course of the marriage because of the efforts of one or both spouses.  Under new divorce laws, separate property is returned to its original owner, while marital property is divided according to negotiated settlement and what the court deems equitable.

In cases involving children, divorce laws attempt to ensure the matter does not spill over into the family court system.  In many jurisdictions, divorce laws require divorcing parents to submit a parenting plan documenting out each party’s rights and responsibilities.

Divorce laws also provide for the establishment of alimony, often depending on the length of the marriage and other factors.  Spousal support is becoming less common, however, as more women are entering the workforce and earning their own income.

With this in mind if you and your spouse are able to come to an agreement and you wish to save money and time simply go to www.mydivorcedocuments.com and begin your low cost specific state divorce process now.

A Few Tips on Divorce!

1.  Safety First

First basic steps are to try and keep yourself and your family safe.  If you are in a situation where safety is an issue, be sure to contact the police and immediately consult with a lawyer.

2. If you are looking to seek full custody of your children do not leave the residence without the kids

If you do not take your children with you when you leave, you may most likely lose the chance of seeking full custody of your kids.

3. Consult with a family law attorney if necessary

If you have made your final decision to divorce then you may want to consult with attorney to get more information on the proper steps to take for the divorce process.  Keep in mind that consulting with an attorney involves legal fees and expenses.  Be sure to ask the attorney immediately on specific charges.

4. Even if your spouse requests that you move out of the family residence, you have the right to stay

Maybe you should suggest that your spouse move out of the residence if she or he wants to be separated so badly.

5. Play Fair

Keeping a civil relationship with your spouse is very important.  Do not go and play games with disconnecting or canceling memberships or accounts.  It is very important to realize the same judicial officer will most likely be presiding over your face from start to finish.  You want that judicial officer to respect you.  If you do not play fair, the judicial officer in your case will remember that you were unreasonable and this may affect determinations of future decisions regarding custody, support, etc.

6. Do not fight over objects that have no real sentimental reasons just because

Unless you are fighting over an heirloom or something that is irreplaceable, ask yourself how much the attorney’s fees and emotional grief will cost you, and determine if it would be less expensive to purchase a new or used item.

7. Documents

At the official meeting with an attorney if you decide to use one you are asked to provide accurate information and documentation.  The faster you obtain this information, the faster they will be able to proceed with your dissolution.  If they are required to obtain documents through formal discovery, it will be expensive.  If you do not have bank records, order them.  If the accountant has your taxes, obtain the copies and get them to to the attorney’s office.

8.  Acknowledge your feelings / Consider Counseling

Divorce can be a very difficult time.  Be sure to acknowledge this fact.  If you find that your decisions regarding custody and visitation and/or property division are made out of anger, try and seek some counseling immediately.  The quicker you handle your emotions, the faster you will be healthy and can be a better parent and person.
9. Photograph your possessions

If you fear that your spouse may take your possessions, photograph them to show their condition and value.

Attached were just a few tips for you to know going into a divorce.  Now if you and your spouse are able to come to an agreement and make decision together then hiring an attorney is unnecessary.  Today most divorcing couples are taking the opportunity to do there own divorce.  You can find out more information by simply going to www.mydivorcedocuments.com to begin your low cost do it yourself online divorce today.