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5 Best Pieces Of Advice For Getting Over An Ex

As an online divorce review site, we see many visitors who struggle through the divorce process to get over their ex. Usually these are not people who want the divorce, but they realize the decision is no longer in their hands, and now they’re left with the question of what to do. What comes next? To help, we’ve compiled some of our favorite responses from reddit pertaining to the art of getting over an ex. See if any of these help you get to a better place.

1. “This too shall pass. Your ultimate goal is to be in an emotional place of neither love nor hate. To be business-like in any and all dealings with your ex. Notice I didn’t say this would be easy or happen overnight but like any worthy goal, it is attainable and the sooner you start your journey to that goal the quicker you will heal and move forward.”

2. “Exercise has been quite a salvation for me. I haven’t tried much strict meditation, but yoga and I have gotten quite close in the last year.”

3. “I know I could never recover having found out she was fooling around. Also, I know that me being nostalgic about our past is normal. We did have good times and I appreciate and give thanks for all I’ve learned about myself in my marriage and my divorce. … I am feeling better now about my life, headed in a good direction. This much I know, and I’m gonna take it one day at a time. Also, Tong Len meditation has helped me out a bunch.”

4. “It’s cliche and SO much easier said than done, but you need to refocus on yourself. Which traits did you bury because she didn’t like them? Rediscovering those parts of yourself might be a good place to start in recapturing that feeling of excitement and fulfilment in your life without your ex.”

5. “What’s also good to try is changing your environment. Simple things like removing pictures, rearranging furniture, redecorating, a new shirt, or wardrobe. Changing where you go after work, on weekends, even the route you take. All these little changes add up to a new outlook, to looking forward rather than back.”

What is some of the best advice that you have received for getting over an ex? Sound off in our comments section.

Surviving The Holidays! Why Divorced People Are More Relieved When It’s Over

For much of the world, the holidays are a time for joy and celebration, but as an online divorce review site, we often see the opposite of this. Instead of being a time of togetherness and happiness, divorced people are wrestling with issues like loneliness, hostile co-parenting, and children who don’t understand why Mom and Dad won’t be together for them.

More often than not, divorced people are relieved to get through the holidays because the narrative that surrounds them doesn’t line up with the reality they face. Those who relate to the above-described scenario now feel like they can breathe again. Here are just some of the things that they “get back” once the holidays are done.

1. Healthy routines.

Christmas and New Year’s can interfere with the healthy, established routines that they’ve taken comfort in all year. It means that if they want to go to a store two hours before closing, they can still look around and have fun instead of being rushed out for “special holiday hours.” It also means that they don’t have to navigate as much traffic — foot and auto — and that they don’t have to dent their budget with a slew of gifts for the family they have left.

2. Less temptation. 

Temptation takes many forms during the holidays. It can come in overeating, in damaging alcohol, in being with someone simply because you don’t want to be alone. The holidays are often a showcase for all the things that a divorced person is missing as a result of ending their marriage. It can cloud judgment when they’re constantly bombarded with the seemingly picture perfect lives of others.

3. The chance for a fresh start.

The holidays often promise hope of a better year to come, but until they’re over, it’s usually about maintaining the status quo. When the last celebration is done, many divorced people see what lies ahead as opportunity for action, and they feel a rejuvenated spirit to embrace it head-on.

Now that the holidays are over, it’s time to relish the advantages that await you as a divorced person and to step into the routines and goals that will enrich your life.

Managing Stress After Your Divorce: How To Do It

As an online divorce review site, we offer insight into the best attorney referral services and DIY divorce sites on the web. These types of services can help you manage the stress of filing and dealing with conflict; however, what do you do after the papers are final and you still find it hard adjusting into a calm, ordinary life? To help we’ve put together some stress management tips for when you’re finally on your own. Let’s get started!

1. Stay active. 

Being active might seem counterintuitive when it comes to dealing with stress, but it gives your body the right balance of energy and clarity that you need to function in your daily life. Go for a bike ride, work out at the gym, run, swim, or do yoga. Anything you can come up with to keep your body active will be beneficial to the mind.

2. Set goals. 

Both short-term and long-term goals are vital to dealing with stress. These keep your mind focused and confident as you move from one challenge to the next.

3. Learn how to use your alone time. 

Many people fail at alone time and instead turn it into their lonely time. Instead of dwelling on the negatives of the past, you should consider ways that you can move toward a positive. It’s a lot easier being divorced when you can schedule activities that are pleasing to you and you alone — things that move you away from the fact that you’re alone. Good movies on Netflix, a great book, or simply journaling your thoughts are all great ways of using your alone time beneficially.

While our online divorce reviews will get you through the experience unscathed, you also need to work toward a better life after the papers are final. Stress can pile on or it can work to your advantage depending on how you frame it. Good luck!

The Bright Side Of Divorce: 6 Uplifting Confessions For A Rainy Day

As an online divorce review site, we’re always happy to pass along good news to our site visitors who may not see divorce as a good thing right now. Recently on Reddit, someone asked a question about what some positive things were regarding the end of a marriage for those gloomy days when it seems to be getting you down. Here were some of our favorite responses.

1. “I don’t have to apologize to him anymore, or feel like I’m walking on eggshells when he has a bad day at work. I don’t have to feel bad for not wanting sex with him. I’m getting close to getting full-time work again, which will mean a greater sense of independence and ‘moving on’ for me. Best of all: he no longer has any bearing on my life, or where I go, or what I become. I get to decide, and it feels really nice.”

2. “Yes the act of divorce sucks! I was heart broken, nauseous, depressed, but my friends, family and acquaintances supported me in ways I didn’t expect, or even thought I deserved. The amount of love that I received from people I barely knew was the most amazing and heart warming thing that has even happened to me. Upon receiving this love from so many others, I realized that I was not loved at home, by the man who should have loved me the most. Everyone says it gets easier, and they are right. We just move at out own pace. If you are feeling a little gloomy, do one nice thing for yourself or just be around a kind a positive person, it’s infectious and will help you through this rough time.”

3. “There are lots of things, but the little day-to-day things have had the most impact. My books aren’t in the basement anymore; heck, I even get to read them from time to time. If I’m tired when I get home from work, I sit down for a few minutes without being berated or made to feel like the house isn’t perfect enough. Knowing exactly how much money is in the bank account and that none will spontaneously ‘disappear.’”

4. “Mine is learning from my marriage on how to improve myself and potentially finding someone who is more compatible with me.”

5. “You get to do everything your way again. [When] I got divorced, I rearranged the dishes in the cupboards, move the furniture around in the house, and did my laundry how I liked it. I was able to cook food I liked (my ex was a vegetarian) and sweets and alcohol lasted longer.”

6. “Not having to deal with her crazy family. Not having to focus on her…I didn’t realize how much time she took away from me. Now I can invest that time with the kids and actually have fun! Not being manipulated. Being able to actually have disagreements and even arguments that follow logic and actually reach a resolution. Not feeling the burden of emotionally giving and never receiving anything in return. I am so thankful that I am done with her.”

If you are wondering what the actual process is like, we can make it easier for you. Just read some of our online divorce reviews to find the right DIY or attorney referral service for you. Best of luck!

Online Dating Etiquette To Avoid Another Divorce

While many of you come here for our online divorce reviews, we realize that some of you are also thinking beyond this chapter of your life to that exciting time of getting back out there, meeting new people, and, hopefully, finding someone you connect with better than you ever have before.

That means most will be heading for an online dating site sometime in the near future, and if you want to avoid another divorce, these are some etiquette tips that you’ll need to keep in mind.

One: Don’t Be An Obsessive Texter. 

You send a text message. You wait. You wait. You wait. You send another text message. You wait some more. Finally, he or she gets back in touch with you after a day. You text them right back. Then wait some more. Stop! It takes all of two seconds to respond to the ding or buzz on your phone. In most cases, they know you’ve texted a few moments after you hit the Send button. Don’t kid yourself. If they’re not texting right back or within a reasonable amount of time (an hour or two), they’re just not that interested. You’re doing yourself no favors by continually jogging their memory.

Two: Save The Flirting For After Your Meeting In Person.

Online dating can speed up the learning curve between couples, but you still cannot know that someone is right for you until you’ve met them in person and gotten a sense of who they really are. Therefore, don’t get sucked in to overboard flirting online, and avoid those who want to play that game.

Three: Make The Most Of Your Online Communications.

Some people aren’t worth the cup of coffee or meal out, even if they’re the ones paying. Use the online communication experience to really dig in to their personality and find out who they are. While you’re at it, don’t be hesitant about using the Internet and Facebook to find out if you can learn more about them. Time is a valuable commodity. You don’t want to waste it on the wrong people.

Four: Make The Most Of Your Actual Dates.

No movies or other situations where you can’t communicate, at least not at first. Schedule activities that tell you more about the person, and that allow them to see more of who you are.

If you aren’t that far yet in the divorce process, then make sure you check out some of our online divorce review articles. We cover forms completion and attorney referral sites. Best of luck!

8 Questions Every Person Should Ask Their Partner Before Remarrying

As an online divorce review service, we take an active interest in the lives of our visitors. We definitely want to help you find the best sites for expediting a safe, affordable, and successful divorce, but we’d also like to see you avoid the hurt of another divorce in future relationships. That’s why we’ve put together a list of the eight questions that every divorcee should ask their new partner before ever deciding to remarry. Our recommendations:

What caused your past marriage to fail?

You’ll want to know what role your partner had in the failure of a past marriage, if applicable, and you’ll also want to take a good look at your own experience. Of course, that needs to be said for all of these questions.

What could you do to stop that from happening again?

Be honest and forthright with each other. If there is blame to accept — and there usually is, even if it’s not proportional — then embrace it and formulate a plan for moving forward.

What do you expect out of a relationship?

Find out what your partner thinks a relationship should be: timeline, behaviors, etc.

What do you expect out of marriage?

Drill down deep and see if your partner is looking for an equal partner, a babysitter, or a servant.

What is your outlook on money?

Joint finances, separate, or a bit of both? Big spender, skinflint, savings and investments? Gambling problems? Leave no stone unturned.

Whose responsibility do you feel cooking and other household chores should be?

In a perfect world, you might think there should be a 50/50 split, but that isn’t always the best path. We’re not here to tell you what the mix should be, but we do encourage you to discuss it and be okay with whatever it is before getting married again.

What is your relationship like with family, and how important is family in your life?

Most of the time it’s true. You’re not just marrying that person but their family as well. Make sure that it’s a union you can both live with and enjoy.

What are your religious beliefs?

Doesn’t matter what they are. What matters is that you share a similar outlook or that you’re at least mutually at peace with where the other person is, faith-wise.

While this post is a bit of a departure from our online divorce reviews, we feel it’s important that you internalize these questions before moving forward. Best of luck as you get out there and test the waters!

The One Critical Thing The Newly Divorced Forget

76755050Making the decision to file for divorce isn’t easy. Even in cases of a do-it-yourself divorce where there is consent and agreement that the marriage should end, there can be numerous feelings of disappointment, anger, and betrayal. Unfortunately, these feelings can lead couples to make bad decisions by forgetting to make good ones. In other words, there are certain oversights that can make life even more difficult. The most critical?

Failing To Revise Your Estate Plan

Estate plans already have a deficiency when it comes to people actually getting theirs created and finalized. Statistics have consistently shown that a majority of people throughout the United States do not have an estate plan of any kind in place. That’s bad enough, but even among those who have thought about it, they can forget to remove their ex from the documentation.

That means you might be leaving everything to a spouse that you can no longer tolerate.

It also means that your loved ones can be forced out of your last will and testament simply because you forgot to change a beneficiary on a life insurance policy.

What can you do to keep this from happening?

First, Get An Estate Plan Created If You Haven’t.

Many states have laws in place that automatically default your spouse as your heir. While the divorce papers may be finalized and your spouse may no longer be your spouse, you’ll want legal protection from any claim they may have to assets.

Secondly, Change Beneficiaries Immediately.

Every day that goes by where your ex is the sole beneficiary on your life insurance policy or retirement accounts is a day that you risk leaving everything to someone you may not even like. While there is a lot going on in a divorce — even a DIY divorce — this action is just as important as filing the papers.

Finally, Make Sure Your Estate Plan Will Hold Up In Court.

While you may want to use an attorney for part of the process, it’s not entirely necessary. Services like CreateAWill.com, for instance, compile wishes based on a series of questions and give you all the tools necessary to do it yourself.

Whatever you decide, don’t overlook the fallout of your divorce. Take steps immediately to place your last wishes into the hands of the people you care about the most.

Downwind of Divorce: Friends of Divorcees

friends hidingWhen divorce is in the picture, it’s been a bad day, week, month, and probably even year. The people who usually make the dark days brighter are friends; but when divorce is in the air, and your pack of friends is downwind, the pack swiftly dwindles to a select few (and sometimes no one at all). At this point it’s an accepted truth that divorce has a knack for sifting through a person’s true friends and faux-friends. In fact, there have been books written on the topic, such as Dr. Bruce Fisher’s book “Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends.”

Through the Faux-Friend’s Lens

In this book, Dr. Fisher explores the friend of a divorcee persona and the reason why friends tend to make themselves scarce when they catch a whiff of divorce on the breeze.

#1 From friend to threat. In a group of couples, you are expected to be happily taken. When this potpourri of duos is unbalanced, the group feels threatened by the singleton’s brassiness (this ties into #4). After all, that was the groups thing, you were all taken and unavailable.

#2 Divide and be conquered (or shunned). Divorce is an unpleasant topic and occurrence that makes everyone look at their shoes wide-eyed. So what do most people do? They pick a side and hope only to deal with half of the awkwardness of divorce. So if (or once) your group of friends take sides, you’ll find out who your loyal pack is made of.

#3 Flight, not fight. Logically, people know divorce is not contagious. But they are afraid of where their minds (and relationships) will wander if they are present for the demise of a marriage. To avoid catching those impressionable thoughts, they stand back and hope the bad juju doesn’t follow them.

#4 Bold as brass. As old as western culture is, there is still a stigma surrounding divorce. Divorce people are perceived as somehow morally loose and less respectable than married people. Although married people have just as many bad apples as divorced people, unfortunately the divorcees are stuck with a bad rep.

Divorcees Are People Too

Even if you’re not a faux-friend, you might be tempted to back away slowly just so you won’t have to wrack your brain for comforting things to say. Well, now you won’t have an excuse, because here is a condensed list of things every divorcee wants to hear, compiled by The Stir’s blogger Aunt Becky.

  •  I love you. This is at the top of our list because friendship is all about companionship and heartfelt relationships. These 3 words express you care, and reaffirm your friend will never be alone if you’re there.
  • This sucks. Sometimes there is nothing better than just acknowledging the suckiness of the situation. But the upside has to follow this acknowledgement, or you run the risk of your friend wallowing too long.
  • One thing at a time. Just like when you’re swamped at work, you need to step back, take a deep breath, and address things one at a time. Help your friend do this every now and then so they don’t explode from stressful schedules and painful tasks.
  • Can I be your plus 1? Divorcees have to deal with loss wherever they turn, and nothing rubs it in more than invitations with the dreaded “plus 1″ option. Your friend may just want to hide under the covers and never have a social life again. Take the edge (and pressure) off of them by offering to be their plus one and rehabilitate them into the world and laughter.
  • What do you need? Sometimes your friend may need a little help remembering to eat, grocery shop, pay bills, and get the divorce process rolling. Don’t let them forget about themselves, and don’t let them feel like they have to go through this alone by refocusing them on their needs.

V. Day D. Day

divorce on valentine's dayThe colors red and pink are smeared over every store in America right now, and the reason is Valentine’s Day. The sticky sweet quasi-holiday may be making you see red, but chances are if you’re recently divorced, February 14th will also make you blue before the clock strikes 12 p.m. It would be one thing if Valentine’s Day was a real holiday warranting paid time off, but it’s not.

Where did this rogue holiday come from and what can we do about it? We’re glad you asked.

Origins of a Quasi-Holiday

As it turns out, we know who to blame for Valentine’s Day, but we’re not sure about how the holiday came about. There are a few theories, though.

Theory #1: First is an renegade priest by the name of Valentine who lived during the reign of Roman Emperor Claudius II, circa 278 A.D. Claudius II made a decree prohibiting young soldiers from marrying, because it was believed unmarried soldiers were more fearless than married soldiers. However, the priest Valentine defied this decree and performed secret marriages for young soldiers. Emperor Claudius II finally caught Valentine and executed him for his defiance; Valentine died for his religious beliefs and was martyred as St. Valentine on February 14th.

Theory #2: The second version of the story piggybacks on the first version. Valentine was a priest caught helping Christians escape persecution during Claudius II’s reign. Valentine was imprisoned, where he either:

  1. fell in love with the jailor’s daughter
  2. formed a strong friendship with the jailor’s daughter
  3. cured the jailor’s daughter’s blindness, or
  4. a combination of 1, 2, and 3

Then, on the eve of Valentine’s execution, he wrote a note to the jailor’s daughter and signed it “From Your Valentine.” And thus a tradition of professing love and sending valentines was created.

The Valentine’s Day Effect

Today, Valentine’s Day has a number of celebratory traditions various people follow, including the newest Valentine’s Day tradition of divorce. Avvo.com, a website that matches users with attorneys, reported divorce searches on their website goes up 40% around Valentine’s Day. The Valentine’s Effect is a yearly tradition observed by divorce attorneys, but this year a few lawyers have decided to celebrate in a new way.

A New Perspective on Valentine’s Day

Michigan attorney Walter Bentley III has offered a free divorce to the person/couple with the best story for Valentine’s Day. Bentley is a lawyer and an adjunct professor of law at the University of Phoenix. Bentley got the idea to offer divorce as a Valentine’s Day gift when one of his law students invited him to their divorce party. Bentley is quoted saying, “Hey, why not help someone move on to that independence on Valentine’s Day?”

And why not indeed. Bentley’s free-divorce contest concluded yesterday, and it’s reported he received about 500 applicants. If any readers are currently seeking a divorce, we’re sorry to report they missed Bentley’s free-divorce offer, but despair not. There are a variety of ways to celebrate Valentine’s Day as a party of one. Make February 14th a celebration of you by making or ordering your favorite foods, renting your favorite movie, go to your favorite place, and indulging in all your other favorite things.

Tell us how you plan to spend this Valentine’s Day as a reclaimed independent person. If you’re a single Valentine’s Day veteran, share you best tips with others.

Irradicating Irrational Divorce Decisions

Divorce declarationIt has been said that the worst mistake anyone can make during a divorce is to let their emotions cloud their judgement. This is so true that it can be said in any situation, because emotions have a hand in almost all the decisions we make. When you buy an item, no matter how large or small, you base at least a part of your decision off whether or not you like it. You can’t really manufacture an equation to gauge the level of like an item, option, or person musters, you just feel it. So how exactly does one make a totally rational, emotion-free decision?

You can follow the advice of others, or hire someone to do your thinking for you. Or, you could make a few ground rules for yourself to follow during times of emotional turmoil.

The Divorce Rules Charter

There are two life-altering D’s in life: Divorce and Death; while divorce can be avoided, staying married is not always a viable option. Deciding which movie to rent is difficult enough, let alone deciding on who will keep the house or car. So how do you keep a level, emotionless head during a divorce? Draw up a Divorce Rules Charter for yourself (or with your ex if that’s possible without a bloodbath). Here are a few rules we’d include in our Divorce Rules charter:

  • I will not lie. In the divorce process, and basically in life, it’s best to be truthful and honest; this is especially important when money matter are the topic of discussion. In a divorce it may be tempting to hide assets, lie about assets, and unscrupulously try to get all you can, but this guerrilla warfare approach could end up hurting you the most. If you’re in a contested divorce, do yourself a favor and be honest in court and with the lawyers (both your lawyer and theirs). If somehow you are caught in a lie in court, or in a court proceeding, you’d be in deep water and sinking fast. Besides, your mother taught you better.
  • I will vent only to the appropriate outlet. Part of not exploding in rage during a mediation session or in court is having an outlet for your feelings and stress. The other part of not being a human time bomb is having the appropriate outlet, like a counselor or therapist, group of friends, or one really good friend. The upside of a professional “outlet” is although a professional may bring out your less-than-perfect traits, it may be beneficial in moving on to healthier relationships. The upside of the friend route is you have a personal cheerleader, commiserating partner, and at times a reality-checker all in one; just make sure your friend doesn’t let you stay in the resentment/misery-monger phase too long.
  • I will think about what is best for the children first. If you have children from the marriage, think about how your actions and decisions will affect them. By putting the children first, this will cool your jets (hopefully) in your subconscious mission to make your ex pay. Also, a child-conscientious divorce might even pave the way for an amicable relationship with the ex, which really would be the best thing since the ghost of the family will still exist after divorce.

Have any other rules you want to add to the Rules of Divorce Charter?