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Uncommon Factors in Doomed Marraiges

The world is full of contradictions and the human race is directly responsible for many of those confusing aspects in life, which may lead you to even more confusion. When it comes to marriage, divorce, and society, everyone has an opinion and no one will ever admit they really cannot predict what is going to happen in any marriage, ever. Of course one can play the statistics, and almost any sort of data chart could be made up to prove or disapprove the fact that one marriage will make it and another will end in divorce. With that being said, here are some studies done on some uncommon factors that can play a part in whether a marriage will be successful or end with divorce papers.

Simply Red

According to a study done by theNational Vital Statistics Report, married couples who live in a red state are 27% more likely to divorce than married couples who live in a blue state. Not really something many people are conscious of when settling down, but there are legitimate reasons why this could be very likely. The average age when people marry tends to younger in red states, the younger the age of a couple at the time of marriage, the riskier it is that the marriage will succeed.

Where There’s Smoke…

According to a study done by Melbourne Institute of Applied Economic and Social Research, if only one partner in a marriage is a smoker, the couple is 75 percent to 91 percent more likely to divorce than smokers who are married to fellow smokers. So much for putting differences aside. Although it has been proven that couples with similar values, view points, and social tendencies are more often to not only end up together but stay together. From age to preference in music genre, the little things count, and for some people, smoking is no little thing.

Age Ain’t Nothing But a… Oh Wait

From the same report by the Melbourne Institute of Applied Economic and Social Research comes a statistic that speaks more to male insecurity than anything else. According to the study, if you’re a woman two or more years older than your husband, your marriage is 53 percent more likely to end in divorce than if he was one year younger to three years older. Come guys, act your age; or maybe act even three years older than your age, if it can save your marriage. No surprise here either, many men are easily emasculated. Don’t fret women, if love, care, respect, and friendship can’t transcend 3 years of age difference, chances are you should get out anyway.

Divorce comes in many shapes and sizes these days; both with outlandish and crazy stories of how horrible people can be to each other, as well as the changing climate of the divorce process. If you find yourself cascading towards divorce, remember: You don’t have to drag out the whole ordeal with lawyers, courts, tears, and stress. An online divorce can be painless and much cheaper. To learn more about online divorce, visit www.mydivorcedocuments.com.

Going Through a Divorce? Find an Outlet

You have been stuck in a combustible situation for a while. Finally you and your spouse have confronted the issue and realized it cannot be rectified. Moving forward in the divorce process can be both a relief and very tough time in one’s life. If you have kids you will have worries for the future and many things to work on before your life settles back down into a routine. In the meantime you need to find some time just for you. Having an outlet for your frustrations, worries, or just having a place to vent can be important in keeping a cool head and shedding potential stress during these frustrating days ahead.

Find Your Voice

You don’t have to be a “writer” to vent your frustrations through words. Start a blog; center it around your current situation or even something totally different you find joy in. Food, travel, music, art, business, or anything you find interesting enough to lose yourself in a couple times each week. This isn’t a serious professional endeavor, so don’t worry about making it as professional as possible; this is solely for you, and in the end it can be a great escape from your daily troubles.

It doesn’t have to necessarily be a blog either; it can be a diary or journal. Maybe that is too old fashioned for you. In that case, just write. Getting your frustrations, worries, or deepest fears out of your mind and on paper or computer screen can be therapeutic. No one has to see it, you can even erase it after you have written it, although we don’t recommend that choice. This can be a great way to internaly confront your worries.

All In The Family

Divorce, in a sense, can be seen as the loss of your family. That may be a dramatic way to express it, but in some ways it is true. The nuclear family becomes divided; kids may bounce back and forth between you and your spouse house on a weekly or monthly basis depending on the outcome of the divorce proceedings. This is a time to lean on your own family members. Having your family around in a time like this can be a big help. In addition, your family can be an outlet for your frustrations. Cousins, brothers, sisters, and parents can be great sources of relief and friendship during this time of crises. Everyone needs someone to talk to. Your family will always be there through good times and bad; keep them close and you will never feel lonely.

Divorce can be trying on anyone’s lives, both parents and kids. Having the necessary outlets as well as social and mental cushions while going through the process can go a long way towards keeping a positive attitude and staying focused on your responsibilities. Never think you’re alone. Millions of people go through the divorce process, whether it’s an uncontested divorce or a dragged out in a court heavy process. Many often feel as if they have no one to talk to, this is never true. Reach out and connect with the positive people in your life and good things will happen.

Divorced Women Lose Health Insurance

Each year, thousands of couples file and go through the divorce process. While divorce has become notorious for bringing about long heated battles between husband and wife, there are other repercussions that can be more damaging than losing marital property. Health insurance is already a frequently debated topic in our nation with President Obama’s health care plan to bring about a new era in health care coverage. However, a recent study has shown that divorce of all things can affect a woman’s ability to retain their health care coverage. Let’s take a look.

Study Released

A study released by the University of Michigan and supported by the University of Michigan’s national Poverty Center shows a reoccurring problem for women after divorce. The study was analyzed and focused on nationally representative data ranging from 1996 to 2007. It had a range of ages in women from 26 to 64. The results of the study showed that 65,000 divorced women will lose all of their health insurance coverage in the months following a divorce. The reasons stated was that they no longer would qualify as dependents under their husband’s policies, and many reported being unable to afford the premiums that go with having private insurance. In spite of the financial hardships that can be a result of a divorce, many of these women do not qualify for Medicaid and other various public insurance options.

Reasons for the Repercussions

Women with employer-based jobs were said to have less trouble in losing their coverage. It was reported that women in moderate-income families face the greatest loss of insurance coverage. They are seemingly caught in the middle, while higher income women can afford private premiums and lower-income families qualify for public aid of certain kinds. Women and families in the middle can do neither.

It remains to be seen what the Affordable Care Act can do to potentially change this situation, or if it is something that will need to be readdressed separately as part of an overarching plan to get people insurance who were covered under their ex-husbands or even ex-wife’s plans. However, there are provisions that will potentially address this situation that may be of substantial help to those in need.

While divorce can be a socially and financially taxing time it doesn’t always have to be. At MyDivorceDocuments.com, we have all the information needed to learn about divorce laws and the divorce process. Pursuing an uncontested online divorce can be a way to save both time and money when entering into the divorce process. Visit www.mydivorcedocuments.com to learn how you can pursue a cheap, online divorce today.

Bizarre Divorce Story from Across the Globe

 

Throughout the years politicians have been caught doing some downright despicable things. Some closeted skeletons eventually find their way out and justice prevails. However, in a less democratic country in which the two words “Sharia law” are still bantered about comes the unnerving evidence of just how unfair some situations can be.

Divorce Woes in Indonesia

From Jarkarta, Indonesia comes a story of an imbalance of social power and divorce. Aceng Fikri is a local head of the district Garut in West Java, Indonesia. Fikri, already married with children, decided to take a second wife. While few Muslims practice polygamy, it is not against Indonesian law. However, civil servants are prohibited from taking second wives because of the strict regulation upon their private lives.

Questionable Ethics in Any Land

Fikri already caused a stir by taking a second bride, who also happened to be 16 years old, named is Fani Oktara. Although 16 is the legal age for marriage in Indonesia, as stated, Fikri was already married with children. After the marriage, Fikri claimed that Oktara was not a virgin as she claimed and wanted to dissolve the marriage. Fikri divorced Oktara through a text message, which he later claimed he was allowed to do due to Sharia Law. The subsequent fallout and public outrage culminated after Oktara and her family filed a police complaint stating Fikri falsified his marital status, along with defamation of character and unpleasant conduct. Many citizens have protested in Garut, calling for his resignation. Many hope to use this case as an eye-opener to change of the common cases of human trafficking, the illegal sex-trade, and the exploitation of women which have been a widely known problem in the province of West Java. Also, how many times are the ideas of Sharia Law and text messages connected in the same sentence?

It is a far cry from the problems couples commonly face in Western Civilizations, and seems to make the divorces of celebrities and millionaires very self serving, self-centered, and disenchanting. Divorce is no laughing matter, no matter which country and set of laws one may live under. Knowing the divorce procedures can better arm you, whether you are husband or wife, to make your divorce a smooth as possible. To learn more about the U.S. state divorce laws, or how you can qualify for an uncontested online divorce, visit www.mydivorcedocuments.com today.

Sesame Street vs. the World of Divorce

By this time, Sesame Street is more than just a TV show to most children and even adults, it’s a movement. Sesame Street began their journey to entertain, educate, and value children in 1969, and they aren’t even close to stopping today. Sesame Street is the reason why most adults and children know their ABC’s, and now Sesame Street is the reason why children of divorce families can understand divorce. This past Tuesday, December 11th, 2012, Sesame Street launched their online segment called “Little Children, Big Challenges: Divorce,” in which Abby Cadabby makes Muppet history.

Divorce Spokesmuppet

Abby Cadabby is a pink, perpetually 3 year-old, fairy-in-training resident of Sesame Street who shared a major secret with viewers in the “Little Children, Big Challenges: Divorce” segment: Her parents are divorced. Abby and her friends are drawing pictures of their houses, and when Abby draws two pictures (one of her dad’s house and one of her mom’s house) the Muppets are intrigued. Abby explains that her family doesn’t live in one house all together because of a thing called divorce. With the help of one of the neighbors, Abby tells her Muppet friends her parents had “grown up problems…they couldn’t fix…” but they still love her very much.

First Kid on the Block

This is not the first time Sesame Street tried to go where no Muppet has gone before. In the early 1990’s, the brains behind Sesame Street were incensed about a report announcing the projected rise in divorce. The Sesame Street team became determined to address the issue of divorce in as calculated and calm a manner possible, before more children were exposed to divorce. So they researched and drafted a divorce segment. The Sesame Street team chose Snuffleupapagus, the long eye-lashed mammoth, to be the spokesmuppet for divorce. In the filmed segment, a distraught Snuffy told Big Bird about his father moving out of the family cave because of a thing called divorce.

However, the results of the divorce masterpiece screen test indicated it was too much too soon. Although the episode had an entire song and dance about divorce sometimes being for the best and Snuffy’s parents still loving him, the children only perceived horrible messages about divorce. The children in the focus groups were in tears and fearful of their own parents divorcing. They said all arguments meant a divorce was coming, and they worried where Snuffy would live. The children even worried that Snuffy’s parents didn’t love him anymore.

Needless to say, Sesame Street killed the episode, in spite of the research, psychology consultants, and story boarding. It was obvious they failed to correctly broach the topic of divorce, so they avoided the subject for the next 20 years.

Where One Muppet Dared to Go

This time, the Sesame Street team approached divorce from a retrospective viewpoint. Abby’s parents already divorced, and she was already adjusted to the changes divorce caused. By having a spokesmuppet who already went through the divorce process as a role model, as opposed to Snuffy’s more insecure stage, the children are assured that divorce does not mean an end to love and familial bonds.

The Boomerang Kids

Times are tough in the current economy, and how ever that affects the divorce rate is irrelevant right now. Right now we are going to talk about the new boomerang trend. A parent’s work is never done, as most of you parents of adult children know, and this is especially true when your adult child has no place to stay due to a divorce. Of course adults are resistant to the idea of moving back in with their parents, but if an empty wallet dictates that a necessity they will grit their teeth and ring your doorbell.
Naturally, you’ll want to let them stay and give them a sanctuary to heal from the divorce in, but as a parent how to do set boundaries? We dare you to find a parenting book that includes advice for this scenario.
Mommy Dearest

When your child is going through a divorce it can be hard not to play the role of the all-accommodating parent. But just like when your child was five years old and scraped their knee, after a divorce it is your job to calmly help clean the wound and encourage them to get back out there. The only differences you should make in your parenting plan are nixing the whole crust-cutting, and outfit selecting business.
Yes, the relationship between parent and child never seems to change much, and this is especially accentuated when they live together again. Ground rules are a must in this situation, but it’s been a while since you’ve had to make and enforce rules of the house. How do you go about it without seeming like you’re trying to “parent” your child again?
Second Set of Laws of the Land
Be upfront about your expectations. Usually, parents expect their children to stay temporarily, and although this seems obvious, have a little chat to make sure this is the case. Make this conversation two sided instead of you just setting a date for them to move out. Also, this should be a tentative time frame because we all know life can throw crazy things at a person.

Timing is key. Careful having this conversation too soon because it could make your child feel like their safety net is already being pulled from under them. For example, if your child is in the middle of sobbing about their divorce, or having a panic attack at the thought of the future, it is not the time to discuss their boarding time frame.
Let you children know your door is always open to them, but that your house is still your house with your rules. We don’t mean reinstate the rules they used to abide by, like curfew, television limitations, and their diet. We mean general house rules, like cleaning up after yourself, sharing food expenses, and household duties. These tasks and rules are appropriate and aren’t asking too much. After all, they are your child, not a guest.
Divorce is never an easy time in a person’s life, but it also affects the people surrounding the divorcee. As a parent of a divorcing or divorced child, your job is to support your child, but not to overly pamper and coddle them. Life is full of hard knocks, and you raised them to pick themselves up; don’t ruin all your hard work now.

Divorce Forecast: Post-Holiday Divorce Flood

The holidays are a wonderful time. Family and friends gather around to share good cheer and good food; there are presents to be unwrapped and enjoyed; and the cold weather makes everyone turn to cozy nights indoors. However, the cold weather also seems to provide drifting couples an incentive to stay together and retain the warmth of the season, and not a moment later. January to March marks the season of divorce, which has been a lesser known fact divorce attorneys and divorce coaches have kept to themselves.

Another fact divorce professionals have kept to themselves is how couples tend to stick together when their financial situation becomes a tight. But seeing as the recession appears to be coming to an end, we may be in for a flurry of divorce on top of the divorce season this year.

The Reason for the Season
Divorce season is not a myth or some sensationalized passing trend. For many years couples who see nothing but divorce in their future have taken one for the team and stuck out the marriage until the holiday season passed. Couples with children attempt to remain in each other’s good graces to avoid spoiling the holiday season for their children. Other couples remained unhappily married in an effort to not disrupt the status quo of the happy holidays. Then, there are those spouses who are on the fence about their marriage and are hoping some holiday magic will rub off on their marriage.

Regardless of the holidays, during times of financial hardship, couples tend to stick together to avoid empty wallets and an even worse financial state. This may seem counter intuitive, but the majority of marriages fizzle out instead of burst into flames. The less combustible marriages avoid the “D” word until they feel they can afford to begin life anew.

The holidays come and go, and sometimes the holidays take some marriages with them. The couples of these marriages view the New Year as a time for change, rebirth, and renewal. This is why in the weeks after the New Year, when children return from winter break, the divorce rate goes up 50% higher than any other month of the year.

How Do You Celebrate Divorce Season?
While the holidays amplify all that is wrong with your family and marriage, the season can come through and produce some shining gems of why you fought so hard for your family and marriage. There is never a good time for divorce, which is something all divorcees must accept and face. Even in the symbolic rush to shed your unhappy marriage by New Years, a month and 14 days later you must face the international holiday of love and romance.

If you’ve been thinking about divorce at all lately, now is the time to take a step back and make sure you don’t make a decision during the season of strained relationships. But, if divorce has been creeping up on your marriage for quite some time now, it would not be wise to dismiss the idea of divorce. Just celebrate the divorce season by making calm, rational decisions irrespective of the pressure of the holiday season.

5 Divorce Rings, No Turtledoves

Rings are an interesting symbol of fidelity and love, but there are many types of rings. There are of course the rings that signify nothing and are purely ornamental; there are promise rings; there are the traditional Irish claddagh rings; and way back in time, royalty wore official rings signifying their power. But today there is a new type of ring slowly collecting steam called divorce rings. After all, the jewelry people wear, or no longer wear, conveys a change in their relationship status, so why not have a specialty jewelry line that proudly announces this?

Ring of Truth

After a divorce, both spouses must eventually come to the moment when they permanently take off their wedding ring. At this point, the ring is no longer just a piece of jewelry or symbol of love. The ring  is a part of your daily routine, and is a part of your daily dress.

A wedding ring is also more than a present you could return. Presumably, you helped pick out the ring, and you picked the one you liked and felt you could wear day in and day out. That circle of metal is a part of you, and now you’re expected to never wear it again. Well, some people have looked at that path and said, “No.”

One Ring to Rule Them All

Divorce rings are becoming a wider known type of jewelry, but the genre of jewelry isn’t yet so large. Part of the reason why divorce jewelry hasn’t been sprung into a giant money-making scheme is because lots of divorcees interested in divorce jewelry prefer to alter their wedding ring into a divorce ring. The act of transforming this piece of identity to match the wearer’s new identity is healing in some ways.

In a New York Times article about divorce rings, a divorcee, Wanda Dibben, was interviewed who took her wedding ring into her jeweler and asked for the ring to be made into a divorce ring. A piece of the gold wedding band was removed, and the gap was “stitched” together with silver strands. Instead of giving away the wedding band, or just putting it in a memory box, the divorcee had it transformed into a divorce ring because she was “very attached” to the ring. Now, her ring is like “a buffer into [her] independence again and help[s] facilitate healing.”

Infinity and Beyond

Rings are supposed to signify the limitless, never-ending element of marriage and the love in the marriage, but sometimes all that is just cockeyed optimism. If you can change the symbol of limitless and unity of your marriage to instead symbolize your own unlimited future, maybe you can transition easier into a life that is fully your own. If you don’t want anything to do with your old wedding ring, you can buy yourself a divorce ring without any old memories or previous attachments.

Divorce is about readjusting the focus of your life. Just like your wedding ring was symbol and reminder of your life with another person, a divorce ring can be a symbol and reminder that you should live your life for you.

Parenting During Tragic Times, Part II

As a parent, how does one answer a question like, “Why did that man shoot those children?” Then there is the most base, yet most difficult question a parent could respond to: “What does it mean to be dead?” Parents treat these questions like live ammunition, and often collaborate on providing their child with a suitable answer. But what about the parents who are divorced and do not have as much collaboration time or willingness to cooperate with the other? How are children of divorced parents expected to fare when perplexed by the horrors of the world, like school shootings?

First and Foremost

When spouses decide to divorce, and they have children, those spouses are first and foremost parents. The spouses relationship as romantic partners is over, but their duties and roles as parents to their children is never, and should never be considered, over upon a divorce.

After a tragedy like Sandy Hook, all children will feel shaken and unsure about their own situation. In the child’s mind, no one is safe. After the Sandy Hook incident, it is natural for children to be more attached and anxious about losing a parent or family member, especially a child of a divorced family. In a way, the child has already ‘lost’ a parent, and will have enhanced separation anxiety after something like Sandy Hook. To combat the separation anxiety make sure both parents are fully available to the child if they should ask for them. Both parents should make sure the child can call, visit, or see them whenever the child needs.

Set the Tone

In divorced families, both parents must find a way and time to discuss how to approach the subject and talk with the children. If the parents feel it is necessary, the parents may decide to limit TV exposure to prevent the children from becoming over saturated by the news.

Make sure both parents are dedicated to listening to the child’s thoughts and feelings. Allowing the child to speak freely will not only strengthen the bond and trust between parent and child, but it will boost the child’s confidence to share feelings and thoughts. But listening must go beyond just quietly waiting for the child to finish speaking. Listening involves asking questions when appropriate and encouraging the child to fully express themselves.

In these conversations, parents should keep their comments positive and reassuring. When we say positive and reassuring comments, we mean restraining yourself from conveying feelings of anxiety and anger. It is completely appropriate to share your feelings of sadness and regret, but if you appear to be deeply, violently affected by Sandy Hook, your child will see you as less stable and comforting.

Parenting is a delicate business that leaves every parent’s nerves fried. The pressure of providing your child with the basis of their perspective makes you sweat bullets with each decision you make. But take a moment and relax; children are smart and capable of creating their own thoughts and opinions early. It is your job to nurture their mind and body by being a safe house, and the only way you can do that is by showering them with unlimited love. If they know they are loved, they will be okay.

New York’s New Strange Divorce Law

New York has never played by common divorce laws adopted by basically every other U.S. state, so it’s no surprise the little stubborn state is making waves again. This time the Empire State is getting flack for their alimony laws. More specifically, the way New York divorce courts recognize degrees obtained during a marriage is under scrutiny.

Case in Point

In a Wall Street Journal article on the subject, an example of the unfair New York alimony laws was found in the divorce case between Tanya Finch and Kenneth Quarty. The couple married in 2000, around the time Finch started working on her nursing degree. The couple divorced in 2009, by which time Finch had received her nursing degree. During the divorce, Quarty requested and was eligible to receive a percentage of the money Finch would potentially earn as a direct result of the degree she earned during their marriage.

Quarty was able to obtain this “potentially” earned money upfront because of the New York divorce law that recognizes a degree or professional license as marital property. New York courts calculate the lifetime worth of the degree, and divide that value into two as a part of the marital estate. This practice and New York’s other strange divorce laws have been petitioned and submitted for review.

Who Really Owns Your Degree?

When people enroll in any college, university, trade or skilled craft course, they anticipate the moment when they will receive a certificate of completion with their name on it. However, based on the New York law, that certificate or diploma might as well be reprinted to state the alumnus’s spouses’ name as well as the alumnus’s. In fact, any employee may as well include their spouses name on their payroll account because the state of New York also views any profits from any career as marital property.

New York’s law is not unfounded completely because any spouses income is in theory supplemented and supported by the other spouse’s support, which can be as menial as washing dishes while the student spouse is studying.

Why, Oh, Why?

However, New York lawyers and divorcees are not fighting the order to pay spousal support or maintenance. New Yorkers are astonished by and fighting the courts’ ability to grant “potential income,” which is money a person has not earned yet. New York citizens are frozen stiff at the sheer amount of money they “owe” their divorced spouse, most of which they are not even expected to have at the time of ruling.

The New York alimony regulations were originally fashioned to level the playing field for low-income, dependent spouses of a divorce. Yet in these changing times, the inequality of the laws and regulations have been exposed. Currently, New York law makers are waiting for the Law Revision Commission report before taking measures to change this piece of legislature.